Hello! It’s nice to see your faces! It’s been too long! We’re back, a little older, probably not much wiser, but definitely ready to assign positive and negative attributes to wrestling on television! First things first:

- It’s been a busy two weeks over at The Mandible Claw. Podcastravaganza is ready to take over your earholes and fill your brainstuffs with delight! Guests include Leva Bates, and Beyond Wrestling/WSU’s Drew Cordeiro. Brandon joined me to talk about the pitfalls of leisure time at Lucha Libre shows, teenage crushes, and the importance of Halloween costume accuracy. The week kicked off with Robert Newsome of the Atomic Elbow sharing more crazy Chikara theories as we descend deeper into the rabbit hole, and also potentially complete and utter madness.

- I dug into the mess of unopened discount wrestling DVDs that live on my shelf to review WWE’s One Night Stand: Extreme Rules 2007. It involves wrestling reenactments, du-rags, and shark attacks OUT OF NOWHERE. Vintage Mandible Claw!

- I’ll be at the (maybe) two ROH shows in Toronto (Border Wars and (probably) the TV taping), so if you see me, say hello! I’ll be the one in the ACH shirt looking slightly uncomfortable when ACH or Veda aren’t around. Or, if you see a lady and think “hey, that girl looks like she shrunk Brandon’s wardrobe but increased his visible distaste for Kevin Steen,” yes, that is me.

- If you didn’t get enough podcasts at the Mandible Claw, I guested on Holzerman’s Wrestling Podcast: Tweetbag Edition. This one has dinosaurs! I also had a wicked fun time recording What a Maneuver: Monday Night Raw/Monday Nitro January 27th, 1997. I watched my very first full episode of WCW Nitro with hilarious and incredibly confusing results. Did you know that Eric Bischoff once thought it acceptable to wear a leather jacket with tearaways? Man, what a dick.

We should all be Twitter bros. Do that by following me here, With Leather here, and UPROXX here. It’s perfect should you need to keep on top of funny sports happenings, Alison Brie gifs, and my obsession with Kyle Starks live-tweeting Hemlock Grove.

This week on Impact: Chris Sabin’s knee, Chris Sabin’s ACL, Chris Sabin training, and Chris Sabin talking about stuff. Spoiler alert: Chris Sabin.

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Well hello there, lovely readers. I know there are a lot of crazy things happening right now, so I appreciate you stopping by. If you’re reading this it means you’re somewhere, safe and sound, and I’m ever so thankful for that. With everything going on, it’s pretty tough to act like a dumb wrestling show is important, least of all try to be funny about it, but I think we could all do with a bit of levity and I will try my very best. A few things before we dive into another episode:

- There are only 8 days left in the Meet Me There IndieGoGo drive. Trust me, this is something you’ll want to be a part of. If you like horror movies, Brandon, Jill Thompson, and making dreams reality, then pledge some money. It’s been scientifically proven that making a donation will make you a cool cat and a With Leather friend forever, so, you know, do it.

- This week at The Mandible Claw, Chris Sims and Leonard F. Chikarason guested on the podcast. If you like Chikara you will definitely want to listen to this one. It’s been scientifically proven that listening to the Mandible Claw podcast will make you the bee’s knees and a Danielle friend forever, so, you know, do that too.

- Thanks to the internet we can all be friends forever, so go ahead and follow me on Twitter here. Follow With Leather here, and UPROXX here, then we can all be the best of friends. Friendship means caring, and caring means sharing, so spread this around on Facebook, Twitter, tumblr, Reddit, Pinterest, Google+, Vine, Tout, Myspace, Livejournal, Deadjournal, and maybe that forum board you don’t tell people you’re still a part of in 2013. Don’t worry, we’re friends now. We’ll keep it between us.

This week on Impact: We’re still in Corpus Christi and AJ Styles still hasn’t showered, but Christy Hemme changed her dress so it must be a new episode. /creeper slow-pan to Impact report

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Hola! I do not speak Spanish! I do, however, have an entire Impact report just for you! Some pre-show notes before we start:

- There are 15 days left in the Meet Me There IndieGoGo drive. For those of you who aren’t aware, my very dearest friend/ our favourite With Leather Editor has written a movie, and it’s really, really good. It also stars Goldust, and hey, he’s a guy a lot of people like. If you’ve got a few dollars to spare, toss it their way and help it be the best movie it can be.

- Speaking of cool stuff for you cool cats to do, check out The Mandible Claw! We have fun stuff happening, amazing contributors, and a podcast. This week we were on vacation, but now is the best time to familiarize yourself before we return next week relaxed, rejuvenated, and funky fresh.

- Social Media is all the rage these days. Should you like to find out what I’m up to, send any questions, or even better, send gifs of cats on treadmills, I can be found on Twitter here. You can also follow With Leather (do it!), and UPROXX (also do that!). Sharing is caring, so be sure to like and share this on Facebook, Tumblr, Reddit, billboards, the sides of bridges, abandoned mine shafts, bathroom stalls, and wherever else you can think of.

This week on Impact: Corpus Christi proves why they shouldn’t be allowed to have nice things, Taryn Terrell reminds us that we can’t have nice things, and Joseph Park shows up so I can say at least some nice things. COSAS BONITAS!

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"This voting, a little bit spot-tay."

The NCAA Final Four AND WrestleMania 29 happen this weekend, so it’s only appropriate that the With Leather Bad Wrestling Theme Lyrics March And April Madness Tournament enters its own homestretch. Your Final Four are just as unexpected as the real ones: Mr. Ass, American Males, AJ Styles and Kung Fu Naki.

The last round saw the #1 and 2 seeds (Undertaker and Layla, respectively) fall, so it’s up to you to decide whether or not fan-chosen 1 seed AJ Styles will take the tournament, or if lyrics about asses, America and croppie will reign supreme. Those matches are below, and I urge you to consider and discuss them deeply before voting.

Voting for the Final Four will take place until Sunday, April 7. You know, WrestleMania. The final two songs will enter the finals on Monday, and we’ll crown a winner. Vote now, and vote often!

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The first ever With Leather Bad Wrestling Theme Lyrics March Madness Tournament is almost over, which is … probably good, considering that MARCH is almost over, but work with us here.

We’re down to the Elite Eight: Undertaker, Mr. Ass, Layla, the American Males, AJ Styles, Jeff Jarrett, Kung Fu Naki and Billy Kidman. Only one theme can reign supreme as the possessor of the worst lyrics in pro wrestling entrance theme history, and it’s up to you to decide which theme that’ll be. You know the drill by now: check out the match-ups, give the songs another listen, consider the horribleness of Funaki’s memory being a “little bit grog-gay” or whatever and vote in the polls at the bottom of each page.

Votes for this round will be tallied on Tuesday, which means you have until Monday, April 1 to make your voice heard. These are the tournament’s big guns, so I want to hear a lot of pointed discussion about assholes asses and picking asses and … other things about asses.

Your Elite Eight match-ups:

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I’m not sure what world we’re living in where pro wrestling legend, reality television star and breastauranteur Hulk Hogan comes close to being the voice of reason, but all right.

Because “celebrity news” is a really loosely-defined thing, a reporter stopped Hulk Hogan and wrestling manager Jimmy Hart at LAX and asked them what they thought of Fallon Fox, the trangender MMA fighter who was born a man, became a woman, and is facing a hell of a lot of grief trying to MMA with other women. MMA can be a verb, right? Anyway, the Hulkster is a notoriously dishonest fellow — please consult the story where he killed the 2,000 pound Andre the Giant by body slamming him for more information on that — and he runs a f**king breastaurant, so he’s the very definition of the American Heterosexual Caucasian Male. He’s Guy Fieri with a gym membership.

Here’s what Hogan had to say:

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