The story of a 17-year-old girl’s alleged tryst with Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez has reignited the spotlight on age-of-consent in America. Most of us know that the minimum age for legally getting stinky on one’s hangdown varies by state, which is fine. Why settle for an 18-year-old in Virginia when you can travel down south for a 16-year-old in North Carolina. Jeez, that sounds like something my dad would say.

The NY Post has identified the girl as Eliza Kruger of Connecticut, and why not? There’s no alleged crime, and one could argue that Kruger broke her own news when she posted about the start of her relationship with Sanchez on her Facebook page. And one lawyer-turned-blogger is on record saying that if there was any sort of predatory behavior here, it came from Kruger, not Sanchez. From the Post:

Deadspin reported that Eliza claimed she met Sanchez on New Year’s Eve at the Manhattan nightclub Lavo, where he approached her to chat, flirt and get her BlackBerry number.
“You know I’m 17, right,” she told Sanchez, according to the site.
Sanchez allegedly replied, “Well, we can still talk. But I can’t see you until you’re 18,” Deadspin reported.
Eliza then shot back, “Actually, 17 is legal in New York,” the site reported.

Only 12 of our great nation’s 50 states maintain the age-of-consent at 18. But what I really don’t like is the “That’s somebody’s daughter” argument. Ya know who else is somebody’s daughter? Every female on earth. Bam. Checkmate, assface.

China experienced the IOC’s version of “vacated wins” earlier this week. That is to say, they were slapped on the wrist for doing something uncouth, but don’t really face any legitimate sanctions. It was the team gymnastics bronze medal that China took home from the Sydney Olympics that served as the proverbial banner coming down from the rafters. The infraction? Dong Fangxiao, a Chinese gymnast who was only 14 at those Games, did not meet the minimum age requirement of 16 years.

“I’m really just proud to know that justice prevailed,” said Dominique Dawes, a member of the U.S. squad in 2000. “My teammates are very well-deserving of the bronze medal, and I’m sure each and every one of us will be thrilled. We will cherish it.”

Dong’s results from Sydney were nullified in February by the International Gymnastics Federation. Because her scores contributed to China winning the team bronze, the FIG recommended that the IOC take the medal back. –USA Today.

I feel bad for those other Chinese women. Not because of the medal, but because they’re basically brainwashed into giving up all of their female children for adoption. Maybe after The Powers That Be go through the painstaking chore of rounding up all of those bronze medals, they could address the human rights atrocities in that country. In the meantime, I’ll keep wearing my $4 tees from Walmart and enjoy pirated music on my mp3 player. You know where to reach me.

The Chinese Olympic Gymnastics Team, L, and the Chinese Olympic Gymastics Team Simulator.

Although the two Chinese gymnasts that were suspected of being underage in the Beijing Olympics were eventually cleared, they’re now being subjected to a hearing for that same charge. Sort of. The awesomely-named Dong Fangxiao and Yang Yun sat through a hearing of the International Gymnastics Federation’s disciplinary commission over the weekend to determine their true ages.

Yang said in a June 2007 interview that aired on state broadcaster China Central Television that she was 14 in Sydney. Yang later told The Associated Press she had misspoken, but declined further comment.

Dong’s official birthdate is listed as Jan. 20, 1983, but the FIG said accreditation information for the Beijing Olympics, where Dong worked as a national technical official, listed her birthdate as Jan. 23, 1986. That would have made Dong 14 in Sydney. –Y! News.

It’ll be up to the IOC to determine whether or not China would lose Yang’s bronze medal from the uneven bars, or their team bronze medal. I don’t want to know what those crazy Chinese do to figure out women’s ages, but I bet it involves about 30 guys in a subway car. Frankly, I’m amazed that China hasn’t exterminated all of their female athletes yet. Just keep sending them over here, China. We have more childless couples in America than we know what to do with.