Take a wild guess.

In case you weren’t aware, ESPN loves Jeremy Lin. The New York Knicks point guard was mentioned something like once a minute on SportsCenter every day last week. So of course if someone at the Worldwide Leader f*cks up a story or report about Lin, that person will pay the price. For instance, Anthony Federico wrote a questionable headline regarding Lin and the Knicks losing last week and it cost him his job.

Of course, that headline was just a teeny-weeny itsy-bitsy offensive:

But dammit, you guys, Federico said he didn’t mean it. He’s really sorry about this and he totally didn’t mean “Chink” to be taken as an innuendo, even though it’s one of the most common and laziest forms of racism in the world. How sorry is he? He wrote a letter, man.

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"Hey Darlene, I found your panties, eh?"

It’s been just over 6 months since the city of Vancouver showed the rest of the world the ugly side of sports, as thousands of pissed off, brain dead sociopaths ransacked their city under the guise of being Vancouver Canucks fans upset that their team lost in the Stanley Cup Finals. The result was hundreds of thousands of dollars in damage to local businesses and city property all because they’re the angry youth and they’ve had it with the man or whatever. I assume Hollywood North isn’t what Time Magazine had in mind when it named “The Protester” the Person of the Year.

But I’m not here to rehash a city’s shameful night, because much credit is due to the Vancouver Police Department, which handed down another 80 charges on 20 more rioters yesterday, bringing the grand total to 80 rioters arrested for 215 charges. And Les Yeo, head of the riot investigation Mounties, says this is far from over.

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Happy Independence Day, With Leatherites! While I’m sure we could all talk about how Real Madrid offered to make Rudy Fernandez the highest paid player in Spain for the next six season and how that should have the NBA owners crapping in their pants, or how Kobe Bryant wants to take a group of elite NBA players on tour in China (and probably never return), or we could even talk about how the NFL players were offered a 50-50 revenue split with no money off the top but they’re still not happy because they don’t want to pay into their own retirement funds, we won’t. At least not today.

Because today is about some dudes who signed a piece of paper to give us the right to enjoy a three-day weekend each July by getting totally sh*t-hammered and making asses out of ourselves in the name of the good, old U.S. of A. And our founding fathers also gave us the right to purchase Chinese fireworks – often illegally – and put our lives in jeopardy with them. So I took a few seconds to scour YouTube for some of the better fireworks fails and I realized that thousands of people out there have no clue what “fail” means. And even more people think that poorly staged fireworks nut shots should be on Tosh.0.

Regardless, I put together this little collection for your enjoyment, and I’m sure that I left out some good videos because daddy is feeling ouchies from 3rd of July boozery, so feel free to remind me and I’ll add them in. Otherwise, have a safe and happy one and try not to burn off your eyebrows. Unless you’re Pete Sampras.

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As my fascination with the mental capacity of NBA general managers continues, Minnesota’s David Kahn has once again excelled beyond the wildest imaginable possibilities. It was only last week that he traded the No. 6 overall pick from the 2009 draft, point guard Jonny Flynn, for 35-year old arthritic bag of bones center Brad Miller*, and then drafted Derrick Williams with the second pick in this year’s draft after he failed to trade the pick (or Michael Beasley) to a team that actually needed a young power forward. And to top it all off with a pair of solid gold Truck Nutz, Kahn actually tried to hire Mike Krzyzewski.

Talk about a waste of time. Coach K once turned down a chance to go to the Lakers and coach Kobe Bryant in his prime. Did Kahn really think that he could get Krzyzewski to leave his Duke kingdom? He did.

“He tried to get him,” said one Kahn confidante.

Kahn was looking for a miracle or two. The other miracle is turning Ricky Rubio into a first-rate NBA point guard. As he showed over the last two seasons in Spain, the T-Wolves’ No. 1 draft pick of 2009 can’t shoot consistently or beat people off the dribble. That was versus inferior competition in Europe. Now he’s supposed to be able to do those things against the top players in the world? (New York Post)

To be clear, Rubio averaged 4.8 points in the Spanish ACB League this season, and a whopping 6.5 per game in Euroleague. Did anyone really have to think very hard about why Rubio decided he suddenly wanted to come to the NBA? I’ll give you a hint – it rhymes with GIANT PAYCHECK. Wait, I suck at hints. Kahn, of course, also tried to trade for Steve Nash so he could spend his final days in the NBA as a mentor to Rubio instead of trying to win his own elusive NBA title with a team not run by the winner of David Stern’s “So You Think You Can GM” contest.

Regardless, the comedy of Kahn calling Coach K to coach the Wolves is absolutely priceless. I can practically hear it now…

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Former Major League outfielder Carl Everett, mostly famous for denying the existence of dinosaurs and for saying Adam and Eve were real because “someone saw them,” was tossed in a Tampa jail on Tuesday for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. According to the arrest affidavit, Everett and his wife got into an argument so he did what any sane, rational human being 39 years into adulthood would do — he put a gun to her head, then broke two different telephones so she couldn’t call 911. Well, sure.

Everett’s attorney, Clinton Paris, said it’s a family matter, which can hopefully be resolved quickly and efficiently.

Paris added, “he only did it because he loved her.” He didn’t, but he might as well have.

The best part of the story (and keep in mind that there really aren’t any best parts to this story) is that the report said he held a “silver handgun” to her head, and while that’s probably just a color description I can pretty easily imagine Carl Everett owning a pistol made of silver. This is the same guy who questioned the moon landing and said he’d retire if he found out one of his teammates was gay. This guy got to play professional baseball for FOURTEEN YEARS without somebody sh:tkicking him in the asshole and making him work at Family Dollar for the rest of his life.

[AP]

Only a week ago, Natsuki Terada was at the top of his game. He was in peak physical condition, the pride of his country, and he was all set to marry his green-eyed bride, Miao Yin. Winning the Tokyo-Hakone relay marathon would have been the icing on his kasutera, and he had victory in the palms of his tiny-yet-efficient hands. But with less than 200 meters to go in the marathon and after bursting from third place to sitting pretty in the lead spot, Terada said, “To hell with standard race strategy” and he tried to win with his own bold plan – going the wrong way.

Shockingly, it didn’t turn out well for Terada. As soon as he realized his gaffe, he had already fallen from first to third place, becoming the shame of his family and undoubtedly incurring inglorious banishment. Worst of all, after he crossed the finish line he fell down and cried. Get up, you sissy! See, this is why I never run in marathons unless they involve beer helmets.

Insert classic Japanese stereotype here for video after the jump…

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