In case you’d forgotten that Alabama sports fans still think “you are gay” is the best possible insult for rival teams, feast your proud, heterosexual eyes on these Spanish Fort High School students and their “Purple? Man, that’s GAY” sign. Hold on, the reason for this is really complex and I don’t want to lose you — rival school Daphne wears purple uniforms, which makes them homeauxs. Or whatever.

If that wasn’t enough, ESPN’s broadcast of the Spanish Fort/Daphne game also featured a giant DAPHNE, ISN’T THAT A GIRL’S NAME banner, cementing the idea that Daphne High School is full of not only gays, but gay ladies. As Jason at Sportress Of Blogitude points out, the worst part isn’t the rampant, regressive homophobia or the casual misogyny of rednecks, it’s that somebody played a football team named “Daphne” and didn’t Scooby-Doo Joke the shit out of them.

Maybe Scooby-Doo is too dated of a reference. If so, and if you’re gonna be a gay-bashing moron anyway, at least start blasting “Single Ladies” and pull one of these routines:

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"A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four terrible contracts!"

As I updated in yesterday’s post about Carmelo Anthony hoping the New York Knicks would keep Jeremy Lin – presumably while making a dismissive wanking motion – the Knicks did not match the offer sheet that Lin signed with the Houston Rockets and he is, in fact, heading back to the same team that booted him last year. Of course, this time the Rockets will be paying him just a few dollars more.

To gauge a reaction of Knicks fans and NBA fans in general, all you have to do is search Jeremy Lin on Twitter and you’ll run the gauntlet from euphoric Rockets fans to angry Knicks fans to lazy racism to the same media that adored Lin now tearing him to shreds. Hell, some Knicks fans are even openly jumping ship to the Brooklyn Nets bandwagon, which was expected anyway. (Seriously, if your team sucks this season, the most fun thing to monitor will be New York fans in general. I predict that they’ll collectively be back and forth between the Knicks and Nets as both teams duke it out. It will be awesome and horrible at the same time.)

But perhaps the best response so far is the hit that Knicks owner James Dolan’s band’s Wikipedia page took. Known as JD and the Straight Shot, Dolan’s two-man band is beloved by someone, I guess. At least enough that it warranted a Wikipedia page in the first place. And last night someone edited that page to reflect some delightful new song titles.

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Some Raiders fans are really quite pleasant.

For the past two years, the NFL has apparently been sending undercover rival fans into stadiums to goad home fans into starting fights so Roger Goodell and his army of peacekeepers could weed out the sh*tty fans. Somewhere Bryan Stow’s family is like, “WTF Bud Selig?”

The fans that were busted picking fights and acting a fool, as my friend Ludacris would say, received lifetime bans from NFL games, because little Timmy and Sally Everyperson need to have a good time watching guys kick the piss out of each other on a field every Sunday.

But don’t worry, guys who like getting hammered and picking fights to make yourselves feel better about your awful lives. The NFL is giving you all a second chance by letting you take an online test to make sure you’ve learned your lessons.

“We’re not trying to squash anyone’s passion. We’re just trying to say don’t be violent,” said Dr. Ari Novick, the Californian who’s the brains behind the program.

Requirements will vary depending on the stadium, but most of the time the stadium louts will have to pass the test before being allowed back in, he said.

The classes are an effort to stem the rising tide of ugly stadium behavior that has included everything from bare-knuckle brawls to lewd Jets fans who screamed obscenities at women until they exposed their breasts in a rude Gate D tradition at the old Giants Stadium. (Via the New York Post)

The test also costs $75, so I wouldn’t be too shocked if a few people end up failing them two or three or 12 times before they’re allowed back, if you know what I mean.

Actually, the NFL doesn’t get any of the money. For each person who takes the test, Mothers Against Drunk Driving gets $10 and the HERO Campaign gets another $10. The other $55? Oh, it goes in Dr. Novick’s pocket. How convenient of an idea.

Yesterday we touched on the fury of a growing number of Miami Dolphins fans with the team’s GM Jeff Ireland, and how the first step in this united fan coup was roughing up the guy’s Wikipedia page. Part two begins a little later today, as a South Florida radio station claims fans are going to show up to team facilities and protest the franchise’s seemingly inept free agency, as punctuated by the signing of QB David Garrard late yesterday.

Fans across message boards and comment sections have even gone as far as to boringly dub this effort “Occupy the Dolphins.” Man, I guess you could say there’s really some ire in the land right now.

*flushes toilet*

Not so fast, though, says Miami Herald beat writer Armando Salguero. Sure, Ireland hasn’t done anything great during his GM tenure, but has he done anything really that bad to deserve something as cruel as Wikipedia editing?

Someon (sic) hacked into Ireland’s Wikipedia page Tuesday and edited in some unkind things about him being born in a Denny’s parking lot etc… Maybe that sounds funny to you. Maybe you’re cheering the imagination of that move. I guess I’m not talking to you.

I am talking to the folks who are thinking for themselves. Break down the moves on their own merit. Tell me what you would have done. Tell me where you would depart from the current course.

Be fair.

Yeah, don’t say the dude was born in a Denny’s parking lot. That’s not cool. That’s like asking a potential draftee if his mom is a prostitute. Sports fans are always supposed to be calm, mature and rational at all times, but apparently Salguero’s plea for tranquility came a few hours too late, as someone also made some changes to Dolphins owner Stephen Ross’ Wikipedia last night.

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The Indianapolis Colts are holding a press conference at noon today, at which Colts owner Jim Irsay and franchise face Peyton Manning are expected to tell everyone: “Sometimes an owner and quarterback are in love, but they’re not in love.” For the first time since being drafted by the Colts 14-years ago, Manning is going to be a free agent, as Irsay will announce that he will not honor the $28 million roster bonus that Manning is due tomorrow.

Somewhere, Stephen Ross and Jeff Ireland are shoveling pennies into giant potato sacks. But until the Miami Dolphins and New York Jets can spearhead a hilarious public bromancing of the elite QB that at least a dozen teams need, it’s all about reflection, and 13 seasons in Indianapolis.

“Time will take away some of the hurt that comes with leaving the organization,” Bill Polian told USA TODAY. “He will look back on it from a little bit of distance I hope secure in the knowledge that he made an incredible contribution to that franchise.” (Via USA Today)

And even though there’s that darn video that shows Manning tossing the old pig skin around at Duke University, face it, man – it’s just over.

“After 14 years, I recognize that throwing motion even from a distance,” Polian said. “He looked darn close to the original Peyton Manning.”

And there you have it. We’re mere hours away from the end of an era, and I can only imagine how hard this is on Colts fans, to see the man who pulled them from the sports dumpster and carried them on his back for more than a decade have the door opened for him to finish his career elsewhere.

Man, Colts fans must just be absolutely devastated…

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"Me no here talk of Kim, me here talk dribble dribble."

The New Jersey Nets were downright humiliated in their home opener last night, a 106-70 curb stomping at the hands of the Atlanta Hawks. But despite the loss and coach Avery Johnson and star Deron Williams playing the “We’re better than this” routine, we learned two things:

1) Nets fans are willing to piss all over their team until they get Dwight Howard, because f*ck those other guys around Williams.
B) Kris Humphries found the one arena that he won’t be booed in this season, and that makes people mad.

That first point is moot for now since the Nets have nothing of value to trade for Howard anymore, so we’ll focus on that second point for now. As my good buddy and Nets beat writer Andy Vasquez Tweeted, Humphries was booed mercilessly in the Nets preseason game against the Knicks at Madison Square Garden and again in the season opener at the Washington Wizards.

And now people are asking the question: Why all the hate for Humphries? It starts with Johnson after the team’s victory against the Wizards, when Humphries contributed a surprising and inspired 21 points and 16 rebounds.

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