I’ll preface this rant/whiny hissy fit by saying that I know that people have complained in the past that I write about the Orlando Magic too much, and a lot of people don’t really give a crap about my favorite NBA team. So to make up for that, I’ve included a bunch of GIFs of my favorite ladies, so you can just skip ahead to that if you don’t give a sh*t about my butthurt opinions.

That said, I originally had about 2,700 words written about last night’s Orlando Magic game that I attended, and how I felt about Dwight Howard in a Lakers jersey returning to the arena that was built for him. But he’s not worth that many words. He’s really not even worth the 127 words that I had written up to this point.

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Earlier in this strange college basketball season, we discussed how some Duke Blue Devils fans allegedly made fun of a NC State player’s personal life by chanting, “How’s your grandma?” after she had recently passed away. And by allegedly I mean that some Duke fans definitely chanted that. But other Duke fans came to their school’s defense and said that I was being a big, ol’ meanie head for picking on Duke, as fans from every school are total dicks, and I definitely don’t disagree with that sentiment. It’s just fun to pick on Duke, that’s all.

In the name of fairness, we’ll pick on another school today, as fans of the University of Wyoming crossed a line, according to some, when they chanted “Alcoholic!” during last Wednesday’s game between the Cowboys and Colorado State. CSU coach Larry Eustachy, of course, has a well-documented history of alcohol abuse, something that previously cost him his coaching gig at Iowa State.

Unfortunately, Wyoming athletics marketing interns saw that decade-old story as rivalry fodder, and distributed a special flyer to catch students and fans up on the story of one man’s battle with addiction.

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Duke fans, beloved by everyone.

I was thinking just the other day that while this NCAA men’s basketball season had been pretty exciting, what with No. 1 teams dropping like flies each week, what we really need is a good scandal to besmirch one of the most successful teams in college hoops history. If only a certain rabid fan base that is widely viewed as a legion of self-entitled rich kids would step forward and reclaim its crown as the nastiest of the nastiest.

What’s that, Duke’s Cameron Crazies? You say you’re ready to do just that? Well, you’re going to have to convince me of that.

Duke fans reportedly chanted, “How’s your grandma?” at N.C. State’s Tyler Lewis, whose grandmother recently passed away. That’s messed up.

— Alex Kennedy (@AlexKennedyNBA) February 8, 2013

Damn. That’s messed up if it’s true. Fortunately, aside from writing inflammatory titles to posts so people get sucked it by irrational rage, I’m a pretty fair and balanced bro, so I want to take a look at some video first before I lay down my hammer of ultimate galactic justice.

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"ALL RIGHT WHITE POWER WOOO"

I’m not an expert on soccer, and I’m certainly no authority on civil rights, but if I’ve learned one thing from being on the Internet for 15 years, it’s that anything prefaced with, “I’m not racist, but,” is about to get really racist.

Case in point: A supporters group for Russian Premier League team FC Zenit St. Petersburg have responded to the signing of Brazilian striker ‘Hulk’ with a carefully-worded thing about how people with brown skin hurt their national identity. If that sounds shifty to you, don’t worry: they aren’t racists. They say so right at the beginning!

“We’re not racists but we see the absence of black players at Zenit as an important tradition,” Zenit fan club Landscrona said in a letter, called the “Selection 12 manifesto”, posted on its website (www.landscrona.ru) on Monday.

“It would allow Zenit to maintain the national identity of the club, which is the symbol of St Petersburg.” [...]

“We only want players from other brotherly Slav nations, such as Ukraine and Belarus as well as from the Baltic states and Scandinavia. We have the same mentality and historical and cultural background as these nations,” the letter said.

I’m pretty sure a team’s fans issuing weird statements like this does more to hurt your national identity than a guy having slightly darker skin than his teammates, but what do I know?

As an added bonus, the group made sure to (randomly) include a little aside at the end about how gay people don’t try hard enough to get good at soccer. I’m not sure whether they hurt or help the symbolized national identity of St. Pete. This is also the biggest “everyone in soccer is gay” lay-up joke in Internet history, if you enjoy those.

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A fight broke out in the crowd at a Lingerie Football League game. “Guy in a Rob Gronkowski jersey” vs. “guy with an unbuttoned shirt and gold necklace”. Who ya got? (via LFL on YouTube)

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Links

The 8 Most Important Hard Rock Music Video Babes From The 1980s |UPROXX|

And The First Canceled Show Of The Season Is… |Warming Glow|

Of course this exists: Sexy Bert and Ernie Costumes |Film Drunk|

Take Out A Third Mortgage, Here Are This Season’s NBA Championship Odds |With Leather|

Ten Characters We’d Like To See In ‘Injustice: Gods Among Us’ |Gamma Squad|

Three Reasons Why Ohio University Football Should Not Be Ranked |Smoking Section|

LOLNFL 2012: Week 5 |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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I suppose if you’re one of the two replacement refs responsible for the above image that will go down in infamy as one of the worst calls in NFL history, you’re probably going to want a drink. In case you’ve been mining for gold in the Arctic, Lance Easley up there – the dude calling touchdown – and the replacement ref crew working Monday Night Football this week wrongly awarded Seattle Seahawks WR Golden Tate a touchdown on a last second Hail Mary that was, of course, actually an interception. Either way, Green Bay’s loss is in the books.

You know what else is in the books? Easley’s 15 Jager bombs, broskis! And he better have tipped well, because he’s in for a world of pain today after it was revealed that the scab ref was out partying in Fresno last night, and for some ungodly reason, he thought it was a good idea to take a picture with a Packers fan. Because no one would ever find out.

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