The marketing gurus at Pepsi have teamed up with the NFL to create 5 new NFL team anthems by pairing franchises with their biggest pop star fans, and Dallas Cowboys fans are first up with Kelly Clarkson’s new single, “Get Up”. The Texas native and American Idol winner is famously a fan of America’s Former Team, and that must be comforting for her fellow Cowboys fans as they watched their team herp and derp to a 3-0 preseason loss win to the Oakland Raiders last night.

But preseason jitters aside, Clarkson is excited about her team’s chances this season, so she wants you to picture one thing and one thing only when you listen to her new jam – her mother giving birth.

“When you’re born in Fort Worth, you come out of the womb loving the Cowboys,” she says. “In Texas, people love football more than anything. Once they find out about this, I’ll be golden.” (Via USA Today)

And don’t worry, folks, Clarkson didn’t want this to be a friendly little PR stunt. She also wanted to do her part in crapping all over the team’s rivals.

The team is simply iconic, she says. “People overseas know the Dallas Cowboys. They don’t know the Denver Broncos or the Philadelphia Eagles. The Dallas cheerleaders are more famous than some of the NFL teams. I know I sound biased.”

I really wish she said the New York Giants instead of the Denver Broncos, because then ESPN could devote hours of coverage to analyzing what the star of From Justin to Kelly means when she says the Eagles aren’t known overseas. “With more on this developing story, we take you to Ron Jaworski having a stroke,” an anchor would say while I made fart noises with my hands.

Clarkson’s Cowboys anthem is joined by Tavie McCoy’s “All In” anthem for the New York Giants, as well as yet-to-be-announced instant classics by Kid Rock (Detroit Lions) and Ice Cube (Oakland Raiders). Also, Wiz Khalifa’s “Black and Yellow” will be remixed, because someone got lazy toward the end of planning this.

After the jump, check out Clarkson’s “Get Up”.

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Last week’s @Storytime featured rapper-turned-wacky-neighbor Ice Cube Twitter-ranting about how David Stern wants the Lakers to start from scratch and how they’d trade the Clippers for an NFL team “any day of the week”, so he can’t be happy to click on With Leather this morning (because Ice Cube reads With Leather) and see Taiwan animating Los Angeles Clipper Chris Paul shoulderblocking a lovelorn Kobe Bryant to the ground.

But here we are, and Next Media Animation has boiled down Kobe Bryant’s collapsing marriage and alleged infidelities to Vanessa Bryant bashing him in the head with a big sign that says DIVORCE. At one point she uses a Superfriends-like video board to communicate with other NBA wives, and at another she puts on a hardhat (?) and digs up a Larry O’Brien Championship Trophy Kobe apparently had buried in the backyard.

I don’t know, the best part is still Chris Paul’s “final boss in a video game” laugh. Taiwan really nailed his personality.

"Who you tryin' to get crazy with, Twitter? Don't you know I'm loco?"

There was already a week’s worth of backlash in the media over David Stern* blocking the trade between the New Orleans Hornets and the Los Angeles Lakers that would have teamed Chris Paul with Kobe Bryant by the time that the league announced that Paul had instead been traded to the L.A. Clippers. But yesterday began the entertaining backlash that I had been waiting for, as Lakers fans started their campaign of “Stern hates us, we got screwed.” It’s adorable, really, watching so many people hilariously ignore why Pau Gasol is even a Laker in the first place.

Then last night someone on my Twitter feed retweeted Ice Cube echoing that sentiment, that the Lakers have been screwed because Stern wouldn’t allow the Lakers to get Paul for dirt cheap while making the Houston Rockets do all the heavy lifting. While Cube failed to mention that the Clippers gave up a wealth of talent in Eric Gordon and one of the most valuable 2012 draft picks (Minnesota’s), he did continue on with a rant about how the Lakers own the Clippers and Kobe and Co. will still win another title this year.

You can read his Twitter rant after the jump, and I took the liberty of incorporating his Tweets with my favorite Ice Cube photos. Very funny.

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