I’m not one of these people that interjects “Merry Christmas” whenever someone offers wishes of “Happy Holidays,” but I bet that most of you, especially our chosen readers, can handle this latest gem from Lakers big man Ron Artest, who was asked about Kobe Bryant’s ejection from Tuesday night’s game, which somehow led into a conversation about how Jesus would have fared in the NBA.

“It happened in the past, it happened in the present, it happened in the future,” Artest said. “Not just for him. All players (get ejected). That happens a lot of times. You see guys get ejected. Rip Hamilton got ejected (recently) in Detroit. Bob Cousy got ejected … The only person who never got ejected was Jesus.”

Artest was asked if he had checked Jesus’ box scores. “No ejections,” Artest said. “He was 10 for 10s, a lot of 20 for 20s (in shooting). Perfect from the free-throw line. Infinity rebounding stats.”

FanHouse, via The Basketball Jones.

I’m betting that Jesus probably would have hated sports, and it’s obvious why: he would have been terrible at them. He would have been a fourth line winger in the AHL if he was lucky, and even then he’d have to drop the gloves once and a while, and he hated that. Maybe not as much as he would have hated sitting next to an extremist on an airplane, but you get the idea.

On 205th found this demonstration of another jet pack retailing for a cool $100k. The Martin Jetpack can allegedly fly up to 60 mph at 8,000 feet, but the company had received a bit of grief when earlier demos showed the jetpack flying only a few inches off the ground. But honestly, jetpacks are so elitist at this point that if I saw someone traveling that way, I would just shoot them out of the sky. And then one of my friends would call up and say, “You’ll never believe who just crashed into my living room! Will Smith!” And then I’ll kinda feel bad, because he does such good work.

|from Oh Gizmo! which makes me think of “orgasm.” heh|

Sherwood Films sent this clip of Eric Scott in Scotland attempted to break his own jetpack speed record at some auto show. No, like a real jetpack. The jetpack is powered by steam through a catalytic reaction, so even you treehuggers can appreciate this. Scott was cited by local police for his jetpack speed–over 60 miles per hour–and was given three tickets “that I’m almost certainly not going to pay.” When you have a jetpack, you can do whatever you want.