Okay, maybe not, but how awesome would Catholicism be if you had to dodge one of Dirk’s sh:tty picks to get to the altar?

The Summer of Love continues for Dallas Mavericks one-footed basketball monster Dirk Nowitzki. In the last month we’ve seen him trounce the Miami Heat in Miami to win an NBA Championship, single-handedly down an $80,000 bottle of champagne, put his Dirk in LeBron James’ mouth, become an honorary Ohioan, deliver a Top Ten List on the “Late Show with David Letterman” and throw out an eephus pitch at a Texas Rangers game. Now he gets to return home to Germany, where the Black Eyed Peas are always playing in the background and everybody f**king adores him.

A reported 11,000 people gathered for the Dirk Nowitzki Hero’s Welcome, which featured a personal parade, Dirk waving at everybody from a balcony like he’s Eva Peron, and a karaoke rendition of “We Are the Champions”. Good job, LeBron, you played like Shemp in the fourth quarter and now ALL OF GERMANY is the champion. Check out the video below, with a pointy helmet tip to Pegasus News.

I, for one, welcome our new basketball overlords.

It seems like we just can’t go a single day without hearing more bad news about the aftermath of the Stanley Cup Finals. Less than a week after the Boston Bruins defeated the Vancouver Canucks to win their first NHL Championship in 39 years, society is still crumbling around us. First, wannabe anarchists and spoiled brats destroyed the beautiful city of Vancouver under the veil of professional sports, furthering my case for mandatory sterilization of hippies and punks. If that wasn’t bad enough, even more Vancouverites took to the streets again over the weekend to vandalize trash cans by putting trash in them and they painted so much graffiti on the walls that they just look like solid colors now. It’s pretty brutal.

Then Boston decided all of that wasn’t enough. On Saturday, thousands of Bostonians gathered in the streets, as they shouted in unison to show their protest of something. I’m not sure what exactly they were rioting against, but it was so bad that they even had to bring in giant duck boats to transport people through the crowds to protect them. And a white guy was rapping. It was one of the most terrifying things I have ever seen.

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So the New Orleans Saints had their big parade last night down Bourbon Street, and while it was free of breasts, it wasn’t short on birthmark-faced fun.

After the parade last night there was a private party at Mardi Gras World where the parade ended. Where did Drew go? He strolled into Lucy’s Retired Surfer Bar by himself…no security…no “entourage” and sat down to have a drink with the fans. Heard on the radio he even got up with the mike and led the crowd with his pre-game chant. –Who Dat Zone.

Here’s video of the cheer, and nothing against the Saints and all they’ve accomplished this season, this isn’t much of a cheer. I guess you gotta keep it simple and easy to remember, but throw in a “Where mah dawgs at” or maybe a “We gon drank.” Variety is the spice of life. I wish there was some other way to say that. Thanks, Andrew.