That’s it, folks. Shut down the news for the rest of the year. We’ve got the most incredible, most scandalous news that is going to rock the very foundation of journalism itself this morning – despite the fact that it has already been reported elsewhere. However, when we pick a story up, things happen. Outrage grows. Fists are shaken in rage. So first, Leatherheads, the backdrop for this intense scandal…

Last Friday, 15 women vied for the title of 2012 Miss Bum Bum Brasil, which if you remember from earlier this year, is the world’s foremost competitive pageant for determining which Brazilian woman has the nicest backside. Of the women in this year’s contest, 25-year old Carine Felizardo (middle above) was declared the winner. Andressa Urach finished in second, while Camila Vernaglia took home 3rd place. In our book, though, they’re all champions.

As for her new title, Felizardo was incredibly humble and grateful for this supreme posterior honor.

Read the rest of this entry »

Yo girl, your titty.

If you’re worried that the special lady in your life has been packing on a few extra pounds this holiday season, you’re in luck. Kim Kardashian wants to help women look more like her and starting after Christmas, they’ll be able to when they watch her new workout DVD, Ultimate Butt Body Sculpt.

Basically, as that title implies, Kardashian’s ass is the “Ultimate Butt” and it is the derriere that all women should aspire to have. So all they have to do is follow Kim’s quick and easy workout routine that involves two tiny dumbbells and the ability to step up and down, and VOILA! They’’ll have an ass like two honey baked hams.

A DVD as genius as this should have been given to us years ago. So what the hell took so long?

The DVD, which was made in conjunction with Kardashian-endorsed weight-loss supplement Quick Trim in 2009, will be released in the UK on December 26.

The decision to promote the video comes after Kris, whom Kim filed for divorce from on October 31, made derogatory comments about the star’s shape.

(Via the Daily Mail)

Ah yes, that whole thing with Kris Humphries calling Kim fat. How convenient. But that Quick Trim bit, that’s pretty interesting. You see, Quick Trim is just another BS “lose weight fast” product that doesn’t actually do anything for people and really only ends up making them fatter.

Honestly, I’m just surprised that Kim hasn’t teamed up with the transgender doctor in Miami Gardens and endorsed women injecting cement into their asses. I’m sure that’s on the burner for Valentine’s Day, though.

Read the rest of this entry »

I’m an ass man by personal preference. Sure, you can give me your jugs and your gams and your bleach-blonde hair, but I’ll take a nice can any day of the week, and twice on Sunday. The people at K-Swiss figured this out when they sent Savannah to my door, and Nike is now on the trolley as well. This is a typical Nike ad; they’re not really selling a particular product as much as a particular attitude. And that attitude is, “I like big butts and I cannot lie.” I’m down with that.

Naturally, the bra-burners at Women Talk Sports hate it, calling it “blatantly sexist” and “shameless.” Which strikes me as hilarious, since it’s an ad (presumably) geared toward shame-stricken women.

Society likes big butts on women right now, the rates of butt injections and implants for the ass-less women among us have sky rocketed, and famous women don’t look like Calista Flockhart anymore. So Nike quickly connects the dots and creates an ad campaign meant to lure in women looking for less dramatic and less expensive ass-plumping products.

Wait a second. When did anyone ever like Calista Flockhart?

That is why Nike says next to that juicy bubble butt-having model, “10 thousand lunges have made it rounder, not smaller”. Because they want women to believe getting a big ass is not something only rich, sex-tape making socialites can pay for or something most of us are born with.

I don’t see how saying, “We like junk in the trunk” is loaded with any sort of oppressive undertones. But what do I know. I have a penis. UPDATE: Like I said, I know nothing. It’s a fake ad. That ass, however, is real enough for me. Thanks, Kyle, for the heads-up.

Everyone gives me a dirty look when I tell them that my secret crush back in the day was Rebecca Lobo, but I don’t care. I like tall chicks, so naturally I had to towel myself off when Weed Against Speed sent me this video of Aloisia, who is quite literally the next big thing in pro wrestling.

WWE recently signed Florida-based independent wrestler Isis the Amazon to a contract recently. Isis debuted tonight on WWE NXT as Aloisia, one of the six rookie Divas competing on season three of NXT, which is due to begin next week.

We are told that Isis was signed to her contract two weeks ago with WWE specifically earmarking her for a spot on NXT, presumably due to her unique stature as she stands at 6’9″ tall.

–Diva Dirt.

Aloisia stands 6 feet, 9 inches tall, and she can probably bench press me, which gets me all kinds of hot and bothered. If I ever find out that she likes trips to the library and dabbling with Microsoft Excel, she and I might have to run away together. That’s a joke, obviously. I hate running.

Video after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »