Hot off of the sex tape scandal that absolutely nobody on this planet ever asked for – except maybe the “It’s still real to me!” guy – TNA Impact Wrestling superstar/general manager Hulk Hogan has proudly announced his next big step in choking the life out of his cultural relevance. The Hulkster is opening a restaurant on Monday in his beloved hometown of Tampa, Florida, and it’s not just any old restaurant. Not with Hogan involved. Nope, he’s opening a “breastaurant”, because of course he is.

“It’s going to be Jimmy Buffett’s [Margaritaville] times 10; Hooters times 10. It’s a logical extension of the Hogan brand, with my image and likeness. We’re looking for something like Winter the Dolphin. In 36 years I’ve become so tangible to the public, and not just Americans. We have a chance to have an international draw.” (Via Tampa Bay Times)

And this won’t be like, for instance, Manning’s in New Orleans that just wraps slow service and sad portions up in the charm of Peyton and Eli memorabilia. No way, brother. Hogan’s going to be all up in this mess, making sure that the hot wings are hot and the boobies are a-bouncin’.

“I see myself almost like a general manager, creatively. I play a fake general manager on Impact Wrestling. But this is for real.”

Hogan’s Beach, which is a surprisingly tame name for a “breastaurant” that will be 10 times the ridiculousness of Hooters, will feature a mechanical shark, five sand volleyball courts, fire pits, beach cabanas and even live bands. The first act up for Hogan’s Beach? Sister Hazel on Valentine’s Day, mother f*ckers. Nothing says, “I love you, babe” like some “All for You” and food inspired by a guy who rubs suntan oil into his daughter’s butt.

If all goes well and this restaurant is a smash, CMT could launch a reality show about the actual restaurant’s day-to-day business, which Hogan described as “Bay Watch, Muscle Beach and Cheers all in one.” So if watching Hogan huff and puff through a session of “Hide the Leather Thermos” was too much for you, you’ll soon be able to watch him hit on 18-year old sorority girls. God bless America.

Oh, and if this song isn’t performed on the main stage by March, then Hogan will never have my business…

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Well hello again, precious internet darlings! Just a few words before we dive into the column this week.

• I’m going to warn everyone here and now that there is a tl;dr soapbox diatribe buried in the report. I don’t plan on doing something this lengthy on the subject again, but I feel that With Leather has a wonderful community of intelligent readers, and if anyone can have an open and honest dialogue about things we should and should not accept when it comes to professional wrestling, it’s you.

• Last week’s column got an overwhelmingly positive response, and I can’t thank you guys enough for the comments and support. It means more than I can say, and I hope we can keep this going. I’m having a heck of a lot of fun writing about the most un-fun wrestling show on television, and you guys are a big part of that.

• Be sure to like us on Facebook, comment at will, share with all of your friends, and send all of your appreciative telegraphs to UPROXX so we can continue in the new year. You can follow me on the twitters here, and follow With Leather for all of your comedy sports and mascot-related needs here.

This week on Impact, Kazarian and Christopher Daniels give us the best Christmas present we could ask for, Jeff Hardy makes some memories, and I give Taz the worst I promised myself I would never take the time to write. Round 2, FIGHT! Doodoo doodoo doodoo doodoo doo doo doo!

Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with Kate Upton.

It is not an easy task to put together a list, such as the Greatest Sports Moments of 2012, specifically because so many things happen in any given year that it’s all but impossible to universally gauge which one event or person is greater than another. But since we’re just a couple dudes who like to make fun of stuff and almost always ignore actual sports news, it’s really quite easy.

With that said, here’s a quick breakdown of how our team of fact checkers and sports analyst number crunchers determine which people, places and things were the most important and influential in 2012…

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"Who outbid me? THIS IS IMPORTANT."

Ed. note - Welcome to the test-run, or “pilot episode” of the much requested Best And Worst Of TNA Impact Wrestling, a subsidiary of The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw LLC. Handling the writing duties is writer/comedian/Canadian Danielle Matheson, who could not come with a higher recommendation from me. I know part of the reason people wanted a Best And Worst Of Impact was to get my take on it, but … no, you’re better off with Danielle. My Best And Worst Of Impact would a complimentary sentence about Taryn Terrell’s diet and 75 paragraphs of complaining. You’re better off with Danielle. As an added bonus, I’m leaving in all the Canadian spellings. Your feedback here is very important, so make sure to click like, share it on Twitter, and drop a comment about the report or the show if you want us to keep doing it. Enjoy!

Well hello! I’m Danielle. I like Brian Wood comics, Tom Waits, and I’m super into TNA. No, I’m not joking.

I suppose I should preface this article with a few things, just to get it out of the way:

• While it’s hard not to take a completely sardonic approach to reviewing TNA, this will not be multiple pages of worsts.
• That said, TNA has been really, really bad lately. I am a consummate TNA apologist, but even I have to admit that the show is hitting lows I didn’t think possible. And I am saying this as someone who owns Victory Road ’09.
• Know that everything I say is because I want IMPACT to be the best it can be, and not … that it usually chooses to be.
• My current biggest non-WrestleMania fantasy booking is Kenny King vs. ACH, half out of curiosity to see how their styles would match up, and half because ACH should be a thing you all love. If you’re really into making stuff happen for Canadian girls you only know from the internet and it is within your power to do so, that would be fantastic. Just throwing that out there while I have the chance.
• As always, comment, share, like us on Facebook, or send UPROXX carrier pigeons telling them that you like IMPACT too and want this to happen more often. You can also follow me on Twitter here.

This week on IMPACT: Kurt Angle has a secret pastime you won’t believe, Brooke Hogan is allowed back on television, and Hulk Hogan tries to use a smart phone. Hold onto your butts, coconuts. This is a thing that is happening!

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After a few weeks of writing about shows me and three other people in the world like (Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, Boy Meets World, et al.), we decided to dedicate a Sports On TV column to a show the entire UPROXX network loves — ‘It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia,’ FX’s delightfully cruel comedy that has its own page of recaps and commenter badges on the UPROXX mothership.

The show’s use of Philadelphia is at least as comprehensive as ‘The Wire’s’ use of Baltimore, and all of the important Philly area teams and icons have made an appearance on the show … the Eagles, the Flyers, the Phillies, the Phillie Phanatic. ‘It’s Always Sunny’ also launched the worldwide popularity of GREEN MAN, who you may know as “that a-hole in the morphsuit at any sporting event.” It’s an important thing they’re doing, so we’re here to talk about it.

Things we have to apologize for in advance: crude language, situations meant for mature audiences and getting the “Flipadelphia” song stuck in your head again.

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WWE’s YouTube page provides a lot of fresh videos for the Best And Worst Of Raw column — mostly of the “here’s the last 20 seconds of a match, and the five minutes of wacky shouting that came after it” persuasion — but occasionally they dip into the archives and share something truly magical.

That’s the case with this video of pretty much everyone who competed at Survivor Series ’89 celebrating Thanksgiving by saying what they’re thankful for. It’s one of the most 1980s pro wrestling things I’ve ever seen, and so heartwarming that I decided to put together a quick list of my ten favorite things that happen in it. I’m thankful for goofy nostalgia, the fact that pro wrestling coverage has septupled our traffic and that the Ultimate Warrior exists, and was once asked to talk about Thanksgiving.

So, in no particular order …

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