LOL, bye guys.

Links

A Cruel End To A Surprising Season - Or as I like to call it, “the only good way for a season to end”. This is one of the few recaps of last night’s game coming out of New York to not feature the phrase “fill Yankee Stadium with the blood of our players and management”. [NY Times]

Adidas x Derrick Rose Behind The Scenes Of “The Bull” - This commercial would’ve been hilarious if it’d began with Rose being herded through the streets while people screamed and taunted him, then ended with him being stabbed to death by like four guys who aren’t even the bullfighter. [Smoking Section]

Football Guys: Arian Foster Analyzes Modern Traffic Infrastructure - If you aren’t reading Football Guys, Jon Bois’ football equiv to The Dugout, you are a dumb. I am geographically entitled to share every Football Guys about the Texans, btw. [SBN]

UFC 136 Cut List: 6 Fighters Who Need A Win Saturday Night - Don’t all of them need a win? I wish I knew how MMA worked. [Cage Potato]

The Path Of Mark Henry: An Inspirational Story of Splitting Wigs - From waste-of-time joke to the most hilariously awesome pro wrestler in the world, revisit the bizarre 15-year journey of The World’s Strongest Man, and try to forget about the whole “had sex with his sister” thing. [4th Letter]

CHIKARA Pro Wrestling In Tennessee - And speaking of wrestling, if you’re a wrestling fan who lives in NC or TN and you aren’t at this weekend’s CHIKARA shows, you need a lobotomy. KANA vs. Sara Del Rey, for crying out loud. If you’re there, be sure to find me and say hi. [CHIKARA]

10 Better Ways to Spend 4 ‘Kardashian Wedding’ Hours - 1. Stabbing self in crotch, 2. immolation, 3. marathon of “Scrubs” on Comedy Central (just kidding about that last one) [AOL TV]

‘The League’ Multipanes Are The Best - leeloo dallas multipane [UPROXX]

Top Ten Real People I’d Never Want to Be Stuck In a Cage With - Pretty sure I don’t want to be stuck in a cage with anybody. Except maybe the Smashing Pumpkins, for the jokes. [Brobible]

Anna Faris’ Husband Chris Pratt Gave Their Cat Away On Twitter - Scott Hatteberg counts as sports! I like that he’s “Anna Faris’ Husband Chris Pratt”, as if he isn’t in movies and on television shows. Yeah, The House Bunny is too big of a star for me to accept you on your own merits, Chris. [FARK]

25 Actors And Celebrities You Didn’t Know Appeared In ‘Star Trek’ - James Worthy should’ve worn his goggles over the make-up. Also, sadly I have dated enough uncool girls to know about all these people being on Star Trek. [Gamma Squad]

Frotcast 68: Real Steel, Burnsy’s Corner - Boxing robots! I can’t wait for this to be in theaters, I feel like I’ve been watching trailers and seeing commercials for it since I was born. [Film Drunk]

Aw, NBC Canceled ‘Free Agents’ :( - Just cancel everything and show “Home Improvement” re-runs. More power arf arf arf [Warming Glow]

Remember when LaDainian Tomlinson was in his prime, just an absolute beast like a second coming of Marshall Faulk, and everyone thought he was this quiet, reserved, and classy athlete that never spoke out in a critical fashion, but then he lost to the New England Patriots and we couldn’t shut him up? That’s how I’m starting to feel about Arian Foster, except Foster had one good season, as opposed to a Hall of Fame career.

First, Foster lashed out at the fantasy football enthusiasts who had been Tweeting at him about their concerns over his hamstring, calling them sick. And he was right. But now he’s feeding the bears – and invoking his team’s and the NFL’s wrath – after he Tweeted the above MRI of his hamstring, which is not only a violation of team policy, but also incredibly stupid.

I’ll let former Patriot and current ESPN analyst Tedy Bruschi explain why.

Read the rest of this entry »

"What CBA can I taaaaake?"

Houston Texans running back Arian Foster is ready for some football. How ready? Last night he wrote his own collective bargaining agreement and signed it. Who cares if his CBA is only one page long and its entire text is a series of wavy lines? Oh look, the NFL “Owners” signed it, too. I guess it’s legit.

Very funny, Mr. Foster. I already feel less guilty about that ARIAN NATION tee-shirt I bought last week.

Foster’s sentiments echo that of most of the fans: Let’s just get this damn thing done and play some football. The Tennessee alum is especially eager, since he’s entering the walk year of a contract that will pay him a paltry $480K this fall. And that’s after leading the NFL last year with 1616 rushing yards and 16 touchdowns, and yes, he played all 16 games in 2010. I checked. That’s a stat line that would make Molly Ringwald moist. And it’s about time; what is she, like, 50?

Last month, as the NFL lockout gained steam and us fans were left to wonder what the future will hold, I pointed out that this work stoppage is about much more than watching our favorite football teams take the field next season. Lost in this mess are team and league employees who may not have jobs if this lockout holds up, but since none of them look good in tiny skirts, this is really about the cheerleaders. Despite the league’s ongoing legal battle, cheerleaders from every team are still holding open auditions for their 2011 squads like much hotter and younger versions of Norma Rae. In fact, most franchises have already declared that their cheerleader squads will still make appearances even if their teams are not playing. Bless their hearts.

Most notably, the daughter of an iconic player has risen from the ranks of young, cute and perky girls to wave her spirit fingers in the face of adversity. That girl is Alexa Flutie, the reigning Miss Massachusetts and daughter of Doug Flutie. Alexa is now a cheerleader for the New England Patriots and we can’t help but salute her strength and bravery. In fact, we recognize the great strides taken by all of the new Patriots cheerleaders that earned their tight outfits this week, like the ladies in the banner image. But why stop there? The Houston Texans cheerleaders are also deserving of recognition for announcing their 2011 squad, especially since they have hot blonde twins. And we can’t forget the Indianapolis Colts. They play in a dome, so they don’t ever have to bundle up like Alexa will. They also have a great tendency to hug each other. Win-win, friends.

Hey, why are you sitting here reading my babble? Go forth and celebrate true NFL bravery once more…

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Houston Texans cornerback Kareem Jackson is in some moral hot water this week, as his vacation to the Dominican Republic took a turn for the moronic after he Tweeted pictures of himself at a cockfight. While cockfighting is perfectly legal in the Dominican, that doesn’t relieve Jackson of the scrutiny he will face back here within the moral fabric of the U.S. of A. And he should be scrutinized because he’s a professional athlete, a prominent figure in his community, he makes more than $3 million a year (with more than $10 million of his contract guaranteed) and countless other athletes and celebrities have paved the way with their own forms of stupidity with animals. Has Richard Gere taught us nothing?

So what were the Tweets that have brought this attention to the guy who had 71 tackles and 2 interceptions in his rookie year for one of the NFL’s worst defenses?

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With the team underachieving and failing to reach the playoffs once again, a disgruntled group of Houston Texans fans (are there any other kind?) have banded together under the mantle of all things anti-head coach Gary Kubiak and have organized a “Fire Gary Kubiak” rally, set to take place outside Reliant Stadium prior to the Texans’ season finale against the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Texans fan Brad White, who oversaw the planning of the rally, put the reasons behind the rally as such: “Five years has been enough. We’ve regressed this year. Minus a couple players, we believe the players aren’t responding to [the coaching staff] anymore.” Fair enough. White contacted Scott Carter, the proprietor of the site FireGaryKubiak.com, and the rest, as they say, is history. White has since gone on record stating he hopes this rally will be a friendly affair, or at least as friendly an affair as it can be when its sole purpose is getting a person s**tcanned.

“I want to stress that I don’t want people to come out to bash Kubiak,” said White, who tailgates in the Blue Lot with the Bad News Bulls Grilling Team on game days. “We don’t want vulgar signs out there. We’re not there to bash him. We’re there to say that we want a change.”

“From 1996 to 2002, we were without football,” White said. “Now, we all want a winning team, and 10 years of this has been a long time.” [via]

While I support the disgruntled and unhappy Texans fans right to free assembly, ten years, while a good chunk of time, does not fill the requirements to be counted as a long-suffering fanbase. Just ask Detroit Lions fans. Actually, don’t. The worm might be finally beginning to turn in Detroit and we mustn’t do anything to upset the minor upswing.