I’m still planning to wait until tomorrow to unleash my incredible, unparalleled NBA Draft Preview on your asses, but I’m pretty happy that the Houston Rockets have finally stirred the pot and created some excitement for us fans of franchises that blow. Apparently the Rockets are hellbent on wrangling as many first round draft picks as they can, and they took one step closer to fruition of their diabolical plan today when they shipped Chase Budinger to the Minnesota Timberwolves for the No. 18 pick.

This was perhaps the best response I saw regarding that trade.

Now the Rockets have the 14th, 16th, and 18th picks in Thursday night’s draft, and it’s no secret at all that they covet disgruntled drama queen Dwight Howard, who may or may not have once again told the Orlando Magic that he wants to be traded to the Brooklyn Nets. So are those three picks enough to get Howard?

Houston’s first-round assets will create an intriguing proposition for the Magic and their new general manager, Rob Hennigan. Just a week into his job, Hennigan will be faced with his first major player-personnel decision.

The Magic have maintained they don’t want to go through another season like they just did, when the drama surrounding Howard and his future dominated Orlando’s every move. Multiple first-round picks might be the enticing offer Orlando needs to break free from Howard. (Via USA Today)

It should be noted that aside from a few rumblings about “sources close to Howard”, Howard is still recovering from back surgery and hasn’t talked to anybody about his future since the Stan Van Gundy mess, when he had TMZ on speed dial. In fact, as far as anyone knows, Howard hasn’t even had contact with new Magic GM Rob Hennigan yet.

But while the Miami Heat celebrate and Anthony Davis trademarks his eyebrows in time to be called by the New Orleans Hornets, all we’ve got are rumors. So let’s entertain this one a little further…

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While there’s nothing better than someone becoming aware of their own meme and embracing it, I’m sad to say that I am the bearer of bad news today. The above image popped up on Imgur, Memebase and a few other sites yesterday and most people were all like, “Oh snap, Yao Ming has embraced his trollface meme.” I only wish that were the case. Using my keen CSI investigating, it’s pretty easy to tell that it’s just a photoshop, much to the disappointment of every website’s commenters asking, “LOL IZ THIS REELZ?”

It’s even easier if you also know that the photoshop is one of several created by Le Rage Shirts. Trust me, I wanted this to be real, too.

As with most memes, the Yao Ming trollface – or “Bitch Please” or “F*CK IT” – debuted on Reddit a year or so ago after a rather amusing postgame interview featuring Yao and Metta World Peace, then known as Ron Artest. This trip down memory lane has been brought to you by Yao Ming with a panda bear, still the most adorable picture we’ve ever posted.

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By way of That NBA Lottery Pick comes this video of Luis Scola hitting Kevin Love in the groin with a basketball, and I think my favorite part is when Kevin Love gets hit in the groin with a basketball.

The YouTube video description provides context:

Luis Scola hits Kevin Love in the groin

Okay, maybe not.

The second best part of the video (besides the guy getting hit in the groin with a basketball) has to be the coining of the phrase “love stomach” to describe testicles. It’s pretty accurate. Plus, Kevin Love got absolutely crushed in the Love Stomach.

Worst. Police lineup. Ever.

If you thought that something as silly as constant foot and ankle injuries leading to early retirement were going to stop former Houston Rockets center Yao Ming from dominating the world, you were dead wrong. Yao, after having spent some time adorably tickling a baby panda, has taken his place in the Chinese People’s Political Consultative Conference as a legislative advisor. He’s like the Bill Bradley of China, not because he’s a former athlete turned politician but because he makes his peers look freakishly small.

Of the 142 members of the CPPCC, Yao is the youngest at only 31-years old. Responded the 32-year old blogger writing about Yao’s monumental success, “Yeah, but can he make fart noises with his hands? I think not.”

“Yao said the new title shows trust coming from the people in the city. He had said before that once he decides to do something, he will try his best to accomplish it. So we can trust him that he can balance all aspects of his work and study, and do well in this job,” said Yao’s spokesman Zhang Chi.

But Zhang denied that Yao has any ambitions to have a “political career”.

“The responsibilities for a CPPCC member include offering political consultation, and supervision. What Yao wants is to use his influence to do good deeds for society but not to seek a political position,” Zhang said.

(Via China Daily, which needs new space bars for its computers.)

Good deeds like releasing 6 pandas into the wild and donating his personal three-penis wine to an auction benefiting the Special Olympics East Asia. I’m not saying that Yao’s young age and incredible accomplishments make him any better than most American basketball players, but if Yao and Rasheed Wallace both needed a kidney to live and I was the only match, I could probably be won over with a pet baby panda.

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Sometimes it’s reassuring to watch a 6-foot-11, first-round draft pick power forward with ten years of experience get hit in the face with a basketball because he isn’t paying attention.

The video description from YouTube user Imadoggydogg says it all:

Keep your hands in the ready position Troy! Haha. Good pass Bynum

My favorite part is either the announce team being one second away from laughingly calling him a motherf**ker or Chase Budinger showing the hustle of a tree sloth on defense. Who am I kidding, my favorite part is when he gets hit in the face with a basketball. And I feel like Murphy should’ve kicked Bynum’s ass after the game for thinking a high-speed no-look pass to the head was a great idea when he was two feet away and could’ve just handed him the ball. Who does that?

Compare and contrast this futility with Kobe Bryant, who cuts out the middleman and just passes to himself.

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Last night, it was like Twitter had a stroke. Tens of thousands of sports writers, bloggers, fans and general morons were going bananas over the reports that Chris Paul had been traded to the Los Angeles Lakers. The first report, which could have caused riots if true, described the trade as a straight-up deal between the Lakers – giving up Lamar Odom and Pau Gasol – and New Orleans Hornets for Chris Paul. Had that been true, David Stern and Hornets GM Dell Demps would probably be in hiding right now.

Then the correction came in – Andrew Bynum and Odom for Chris Paul. A little better, but still nonsense in the eyes of most middle market fans. That couldn’t be the best deal the Hornets could get, and thankfully it wasn’t. The final, actual deal came in – Paul to the Lakers, Gasol to the Houston Rockets, and Odom, Kevin Martin, Goran Dragic and Luis Scola to the Hornets. Even then, nobody was pleased, and it turns out the league owners were the least pleased of all, because they said, “F*ck a bunch of that” and within two hours this blockbuster was squashed.

Why, you ask? Well, it’s complicated.

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