When it comes to Major League Soccer, the Los Angeles Galaxy have been the equivalent of the New York Yankees, displaying no shame in paying top dollar to bring in the biggest soccer players in the game. In the past 5 years, the Galaxy have shelled out big bucks for Robbie Keane, David Beckham and America’s favorite balding baller, Landon Donovan. Combined, the three stars make a ridiculous $12.2 million.

*checks numbers again, slides beads on abacus, punches “80085” on Texas Instruments graphing calculator*

Yup, a whopping $12.2 million between the three of them. Way to break the bank, Steinbrenner.

Regardless, the Galaxy have been criticized for essentially trying to buy a title, and good for them because it finally paid off. Led by their Big 3, the Galaxy defeated the Houston Dynamo by a ridiculous 1-0 to win the MLS Cup, as millions of Americans finally caved and bowed down to their new soccer gods. Or they probably watched “Family Guy.” One or the other.

But the big winner was David Beckham, who came to the U.S. as a poor, unknown British man looking to make it in America and fulfill his dream of being a footballer on the world’s biggest stage. Accompanied by his demure, modest wife, Victoria, David has been the epitome of hard work and perseverance as he has shied away from the public spotlight and simply been a man of the people.

Life has been very tough for David Beckham, which is why we are happy to honor him today as a champion. For the first time in his life, Beckham knows success.

Read the rest of this entry »

Uber-company AEG is looking to sell one of its two MLS teams — it owns the the LA Galaxy and the Houston Dynamo — and obviously the one with David Beckham is more valuable than the one that just won its second consecutive championship.  So the Dynamo may soon be up for sale, and looky-looky who might buy them:

Boxer Oscar De La Hoya is interested in buying the Dynamo with his company Golden Boy Productions. Representatives of the company have visited Houston, attended games and are very impressed with the way the franchise is operated along with how the team has played. 

De La Hoya expressed some concern that the nearest Victoria's Secret is a good fifteen minutes away from the stadium, but team officials stressed that Russian call girls can bring plenty of lingerie with them to the owner's box.  Heh… "owner's box."

MLS Cup final between the New England Revolution and the Houston Dynamo.  This is partly because it started at noon Eastern, and huffing paint is better for your brain than watching NFL Countdown on ESPN.  But it's also because I'm always curious about the state of American soccer.

There are plenty of people who will never like soccer, and that's cool — I have no more business telling you to like soccer than you have to tell me I shouldn't be hot for Helen Mirren.  But the level of play in MLS is astoundingly better than it was a decade ago.  It's obviously not the skill level you see in the World Cup or the Premiership, but it kinda looks like this American soccer league is here to stay.  Sorry. 

As for game details, Taylor Twellman — who will be on the national team soon enough — scored for the Revs on an impressive header in the 21st minute, and for a while it looked like New England would get its first title after falling short in the championship the previous two years.  But the Dynamo came back in the second half, scoring an equalizer on a mess in front of the net and taking the lead on Dwayne de Rosario's header in the 74th minute.  De Rosario was named the game's MVP, even though his corn rows look totally queer.  Definitely a tough break for the New England fans.  Who else are they supposed to root for these days?

The Houston Dynamo's Ricardo Clark has been suspended nine games and fined $10,000 for this lead-footed thunderjam delivered to Carlos Ruiz of FC Dallas.  Ten grand may not sound like a whole lot for a pro athlete, but keep in mind that one of the hobos on my street plays for Red Bull New York.

It's great to see American soccer close the crazy gap with Europe and South America.

[Deuce of Davenport] 

I have a weakness that I don't like to admit: I actually like soccer. I know it's not cool to say things like that, but I played (not well, mind you) for a long time, so I have a soft spot in my cold, black heart for the game.

So I totally meant to watch yesterday's MLS Cup. I might not have an MLS team, but Clint Dempsey is my favorite player, and his New England Revolution were playing against the Houston Dynamo. Well, so maybe I would only watch the first part. I mean, the game started at 3:30, and the Seahawks came on at 4:15. But then the 1:00 Jets-Pats game had an exciting finish, and I kinda spaced, so I didn't watch a second of the MLS Cup. I guess that's the appeal of American soccer, huh?

Anyway, the Dynamo won the game after it went to penalty kicks, which is something you won't learn from David Hirshey's splendid account of the game. And if you've read Hirshey's post and this one, congratulations: you have just flushed away several valuable minutes of your life you'll never get back.