Last season, when the St. Louis Cardinals needed a little boost to swing momentum in their favor, they traded for Matt Holliday and Brendan Ryan grew a mustache. This weekend, after having swapped first place in the NL Central with the Cincinnati Reds 19 times throughout the season, the Cards saw their deficit grow to five games in the division. So they went out on the waiver wires, acquired a big bat and got right back into the playoff hunt. Or they all shaved their heads. Which one makes more sense?

While antics like this are hardly a rarity in professional sports, they still garner plenty of joyous attention. And that’s fine on days when 90 percent of the sports news media is focused on how Roger Clemens’ golf outing went after he plead not guilty to six felony charges. I imagine he failed to break 100, blamed the greenskeeper and then had his niece Kirby write an angry blog about him. But I digress.

Do the carpets match the curtains, CBS Sports:

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It’s a tale as old as time – boy meets girl, boy courts girl, boy takes girl to Houston Astros game, boy turns hat sideways, batter hits foul ball, boy moves out of way, ball hits girl. Ah, summer romance, it was in the air Monday night at Minute Maid Park in Houston, where the Astros pummeled the Atlanta Braves 10-4. The Braves were more a victim of sloppy play, as three errors briefly chopped Atlanta’s lead in the National League East to a game and a half (presently back at 2.5 games). But the real Roger Dorn action came from a dashing Astros fan when a foul ball threatened his fairest damsel.

Video after the jump.

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I’ve never considered baseball to be a very violent game, but there are still plenty of ways one could get injured. Pull a hammy running to first base, that happens. Get hit in the noggin by a pitch, that might take you out for a couple of days. Running into a guy while going for a fly ball is pretty stupid, but those things happen in baseball. Every now and again you’ll hear of a ridiculous injury, but Geoff Blum’s most recent mishap takes it to another level. Blum was put on the 15 day DL Sunday for an elbow injury. Was he playing too much tennis? Nope, he was getting dressed.

Blum felt a “pop” in his elbow while putting on his shirt following Thursday’s contest against the Padres, according to manager Brad Mills(notes). With the soreness continuing into Friday, Blum was evaluated at a local hospital where doctors found “loose bodies” in the elbow.

“He was putting on his shirt after the game, and his elbow goes, ‘Boom, pop,’ and it blows up on him,” (manager Brad) Mills said. –MLB via –Big League Stew

I don’t know where this rates on a scale of 1 to Bill Gramatica, but either way that’s a pretty terrible way to get injured. Blum’s at the ripe old age of 37 so, it may be time for him to hang up his jersey, which ironically, may not be possible to do by himself. His numbers aren’t doing him any favors, either. Blum’s hitting .241 with no home runs and 14 RBIs this season in 137 at bats. Those stats have made him a hot fantasy commodity. He’s owned in .1% of all ESPN fantasy leagues. Speaking of injuries, I bet you’d love to watch five minutes of skateboarders falling down. I know I would. Read the rest of this entry »

Astros pitcher Brandon Backe attended a wedding at a Galveston resort over the weekend, and you know how wedding receptions are: you try to take open containers of alcohol into the pool, then you punch a cop and get arrested.

The incident started at the resort’s swimming pool bar. A guest shoved a police officer after the officer told him he could not bring an open container of alcohol into the area, and the incident escalated into a riot after the man — and others — refused to comply with the officer’s commands, police said.

At one point, police told Backe to back off but police said Backe struggled with officers instead — [exchanging] blows to the face with one officer.

More weddings should be like that, I think.  Too often you go to weddings, and all the anger and quiet seething gets swept under the rug or limited to passive-aggressive sniping between the bride and her new in-laws, or the bride and groom, or the bride and her bridesmaids.  Nothing seals a solemn vow of marriage and the union of two families like a pool bar brawl with the cops.

[Busted Coverage]

Poor Astros.  Hurricane Ike came and took away their homes, messed up their stadium, and forced their “home” game against the Cubs to be moved to Milwaukee’s Miller Park.  In their weakened state, they were no match for a newly healthy Carlos Zambrano, who pitched the Northsiders’ first no-hitter in 36 years, leading the Cubs to a 5-0 victory.

Big Z struck out ten while walking one and hitting a batter en route to the first neutral site no-hitter in major league history, as well as the first no-hitter in Miller Park.  It was also the first ever recorded… Zambrano-no.  Whatever, it’s Monday.  You’ll take your puns and like them.

Other MLB scores: The Phillies swept a doubleheader against the Brewers, moving them to within one game of the NL East lead, thanks to ANOTHER blown save from the Mets’ bullpen… Watch out, Tampa!  The Red Sox are now within one game of the AL East.  Jon Lester out-pitched Roy Halladay in Toronto to give the Sox a 4-3 victory, while the Rays fell to the Yanks 8-4 in the Bronx.  Derek Jeter collected three hits for the third consecutive game to negate the effects of sucking for the last five months.

Yesterday we got the news that swimmer Amanda Beard had gotten naked for a PETA ad, and today we have proof Amanda Beard got naked for a PETA ad.  That proof being the PETA ad.  While Beard unveiled the poster at the Olympic Village, PETA took this sexy opportunity to kill everyone's erection:

Amanda's ad couldn't have come at a better time. An investigation into the fur industry in China—which is where most fur originates—revealed that minks, foxes, dogs, cats, and other animals are kept in tiny wire cages in all weather extremes. In the video footage, animals were strangled or bludgeoned, and they were often still alive and struggling when workers flipped them onto their backs or hung them by their legs or tails to skin them.

The PETA website also has what it claims is behind-the-scenes video footage of the photo shoot.  And it's about as sexy as you can possibly imagine.  One minute Amanda Beard is getting her makeup and hair done while talking about how she loves her dogs, then the next cut is animals getting their skin ripped off.  Damn, PETA knows how to turn me on.