Astros pitcher Brandon Backe attended a wedding at a Galveston resort over the weekend, and you know how wedding receptions are: you try to take open containers of alcohol into the pool, then you punch a cop and get arrested.
The incident started at the resort’s swimming pool bar. A guest shoved a police officer after the officer told him he could not bring an open container of alcohol into the area, and the incident escalated into a riot after the man — and others — refused to comply with the officer’s commands, police said.
At one point, police told Backe to back off but police said Backe struggled with officers instead — [exchanging] blows to the face with one officer.
More weddings should be like that, I think. Too often you go to weddings, and all the anger and quiet seething gets swept under the rug or limited to passive-aggressive sniping between the bride and her new in-laws, or the bride and groom, or the bride and her bridesmaids. Nothing seals a solemn vow of marriage and the union of two families like a pool bar brawl with the cops.
Poor Astros. Hurricane Ike came and took away their homes, messed up their stadium, and forced their “home” game against the Cubs to be moved to Milwaukee’s Miller Park. In their weakened state, they were no match for a newly healthy Carlos Zambrano, who pitched the Northsiders’ first no-hitter in 36 years, leading the Cubs to a 5-0 victory.
Big Z struck out ten while walking one and hitting a batter en route to the first neutral site no-hitter in major league history, as well as the first no-hitter in Miller Park. It was also the first ever recorded… Zambrano-no. Whatever, it’s Monday. You’ll take your puns and like them.
Other MLB scores: The Phillies swept a doubleheader against the Brewers, moving them to within one game of the NL East lead, thanks to ANOTHER blown save from the Mets’ bullpen… Watch out, Tampa! The Red Sox are now within one game of the AL East. Jon Lester out-pitched Roy Halladay in Toronto to give the Sox a 4-3 victory, while the Rays fell to the Yanks 8-4 in the Bronx. Derek Jeter collected three hits for the third consecutive game to negate the effects of sucking for the last five months.
Yesterday we got the news that swimmer Amanda Beard had gotten naked for a PETA ad, and today we have proof Amanda Beard got naked for a PETA ad. That proof being the PETA ad. While Beard unveiled the poster at the Olympic Village, PETA took this sexy opportunity to kill everyone's erection:
Amanda's ad couldn't have come at a better time. An investigation into the fur industry in China—which is where most fur originates—revealed that minks, foxes, dogs, cats, and other animals are kept in tiny wire cages in all weather extremes. In the video footage, animals were strangled or bludgeoned, and they were often still alive and struggling when workers flipped them onto their backs or hung them by their legs or tails to skin them.
The PETA website also has what it claims is behind-the-scenes video footage of the photo shoot. And it's about as sexy as you can possibly imagine. One minute Amanda Beard is getting her makeup and hair done while talking about how she loves her dogs, then the next cut is animals getting their skin ripped off. Damn, PETA knows how to turn me on.
Amanda Beard, the champion breaststroker who maintained her dominance over three Olympic Games, is now better remembered for her Playboy spread. Great job winning seven Olympic medals, let's see the boobs. And now she's going to bare it all again — kinda — for one of those PETA ads where they're all "Blah blah blah naked blah blah fur."
Beard… is to appear naked in an advertising campaign protesting against fashion furs that will be launched at the Beijing Olympics on Wednesday…
"Seeing animals slaughtered to be worn as fashion is awful to me, so I'm definitely against wearing fur … I'd much rather go naked than ever put a dead animal on my body," PETA quoted Beard as saying.
I'm conflicted on this one. On the one hand, I very much support women getting naked for any reason whatsoever. On the other hand, these steak pants are really comfortable.
NL - Milwaukee dropped the seventh of its last nine games last night to the Reds and nerves seem to be getting frayed among the Cerveceros. Prince Fielder shoved Manny Parra twice in the dugout after Parra left the game in the seventh. According to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, Fielder was mad that Parra was heading back to the clubhouse early and wasn't going to watch the team bat. Don't listen to his lies, Sentinel. He just wanted first dibs on the clubhouse spread. Oh yeah, Ryan Bruan also became the second player ever to hit 30 homers in each of his first two seasons, but what are individual achievements when we have middling dugout scuffles?… The rain is a much better closer than Jose Valverde. After two rain delays and eight innings of play, a 2-0 Astros win over the Cubs was called…Only now do we see the detrimental effects of Felipe Lopez on the Nationals. The Nats won their fourth straight last night, which probably has more to do with playing than the Reds and Rockies than the underwhelming shortstop, but someone has to be the fall guy.
AL - The Twins' brief reign atop the AL Central was cut down by the Mariners, who put up 10 in the 7th to win 11-6. Ron Gardenhire fumed about the bullpen afterwards, but didn't shove anyway so who the fuck cares?… K-Rod blows his chance for his 400,000th save this season but Orioles closer George Sherrill provides the breathless excitement of a walkoff walk in the bottom of the 9th to give the Angels a 6-5 win…The Indians still own the Rays. They had to get something out of the Manhattan deal, right?… Joba Chamberlain left with a shoulder injury in the 5th, leaving the Yankees with Jason Giambi's discarded 'stache as their ace (better than Mussina). Marlon Byrd took it for the Rangers with a 9th inning grand slam off Damaso Marte…Gil Meche struck out nine Red Sox in six innings to improve to 7-1 in his last 11 starts. Hey, save it for the contract year, Gil. A $55 million deal got the Royals nine wins last year. Already 10 this season. Careful, you're pushing your signing up from lamentable to fairly regrettable.
Astros pitcher Shawn Chacon has been suspended indefinitely after an altercation with general manager Ed Wade turned violent. Things got ugly when Chacon refused to go with Wade to the manager's office to discuss Chacon's move from the starting rotation to the bullpen. According to Chacon, Wade responded to the subordination by yelling at the pitcher.
“He started yelling and cussing," Chacon said of Wade. "I’m sitting there and I said to him very calmly, ‘Ed, you need to stop yelling at me. Then I stood up and said 'you better stop yelling at me.' I stood up. He continued and was basically yelling and stuff and was like, ‘You need to (expletive) look in the mirror.’ So at that point I lost my cool and I grabbed him by the neck and threw him to the ground. I jumped on top of him because at that point I wanted to beat his (butt). Words were exchanged.”
In layman's terms, Shawn Chacon choke-slammed his boss. God that must have felt good. If that's not the American dream, then I don't know what is.
I can't even count the number of times and ways I've wanted to lose my shit on my boss. But those were the old days. Now I'm my own boss. I come and go as I please. I do what I want. I make my own decisions, like what kind of Ramen should I have for dinner every night this week? Look at me, free as a bird! Free from the confines of medical and dental insurance!
