After years of painstaking research, humanity has finally done it. No, not discovering the God particle, I’m talking about the big Hot Wheels double loop some X-Games guys stuck over the weekend. It combined three of my favorite things: driving upside down, large tracks of flat, orange plastic and people almost dying!

“That was unbelievable,” [stuntman Greg] Tracy said after finishing first through the loop in the Team Green car and making the jump into the finish ahead of [rally car driver Tanner] Foust. “I tell you what, I’m at a loss for words. That was absolutely the coolest thing I’ve ever done. It was a handful trying to land it and get it slowed down. I knew Tanner was right behind me and I was just hoping we weren’t going to tangle before we got to the end.”

Foust and Tracy hit 52 mph in the track and experienced approximately 7Gs going through the loop.

“That was pretty hardcore: the 7 Gs … I almost felt my chin hit my lap, I think, in the loop,” Foust said after finishing the stunt in the Team Yellow car. “I felt like I was in a toy.” (via ESPN)

All it needed was a toy commercial background to complete the aesthetic. My favorites were “waist-deep canyon full of playing kids” or “metal table in a dark room with a bunch of clear plastic blocks you can use to build walls and drive the Batmobile through”.

Video is below.

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We didn’t do a full day of updates yesterday, so we missed out on a few important stories, including the wedding of Tony Romo (aka “the only way he’s ever going to get a ring”) or Man U vs Barcelona in the UEFA Champions League Finals (neither team won), but the most important thing we missed is this video from the Indy 500, wherein a guy in a car drives down a big for-real Hot Wheels track and breaks a world record. It’s cool, but not as cool as that time I drove my big wheel down the hill.

From the YouTube description:

The Yellow Driver of Team Hot Wheels breaks the world record for distance jump in a four-wheeled vehicle at the Indianapolis 500 on May 29th 2011. Watch as the Yellow Driver, Tanner Foust, drops 10 stories down 90 feet of orange track and soars 332 feet through the air.

Of course a guy named “Tanner Foust” would want to drive on a life-size Hot Wheels track. Now that we’ve played out this exercise in American excess, we should concentrate on more pressing issues, such as building a stunt track around an active volcano or creating a car that changes color when it drives through water. Or maybe our President can finally get around to pulling all of our G.I. Joes out of the Middle East.