Baseball fans have always been weird. Back in the 80s, blooper videos were 10% Roger McDowell hot-footing teammates, 90% people in the stands wearing funny hats. Or old people having their heads scrubbed by mascots. Guys in facepaint. Basically just footage of people trying to pass the time at baseball games, because as good as they are, they are also mostly super boring.

Here’s a quick look back at the week and its three weirdest, most interesting or noteworthy fans. Up first: THAT creepy motherf**ker.

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The World Series Champion San Francisco Giants are one of the hottest teams in all of baseball today, as they defeated the Los Angeles Dodgers 4-3 yesterday to complete a three-game sweep of their rivals and reclaim a one-game lead over the Colorado Rockies in the National League West. But while people across America were donning sombreros, serapes and fake mustaches as they chugged overpriced Coronas and licked Sauza out of the navels of sweaty coeds, all in the name of a holiday that nobody really understands, the Giants and ESPN were reclaiming May 5 for America.

A gentleman named London Van Der Kamp took to a kayak in San Francisco’s famed McCovey Cove and he rowed from person to person, awarding free hot dogs to the fans in water. Judging by the photos, Van Der Kamp gave away a total of two hot dogs, maybe four if he was being generous, but it’s still the thought that counts.

It’s certainly better than the most recent giveaway at Marlins Park, which offered fans the chance to pay the stadium’s utility bills.

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I'm gonna try to win the Pulitzer with this one.

Austin, Texas, has 8-10 festivals every weekend, but this weekend was a big one: the 7th annual Fun Fun Fun Fest, featuring a reunited Run DMC, everyone from Public Image Ltd to X to f**king Kreayshawn and a cannon that shoots tacos. It’s the weird little brother of SXSW, and it’s the best.

It’s also full of sports, and because 1) I was there, and 2) I run a sports blog, I documented all of it to share with you here. I actually got to participate in some of it, too. My jobs as a returning judge for the Air Sex Championships and hosting gig for a veggie hot dog eating contest got me billed as a “Yellow State Artist,” meaning I performed (as it were) on the same stage as David Cross, Eugene Mirman, H. Jon Benjamin, Saul Williams and a magician who did a racist ventriloquist act and pulled ribbons out of a chicken’s ass. It was one of the coolest, best experiences I’ve ever had, and that’s not even mentioning how I got a crowd of hipsters to join me in a Daniel Bryan “YES” chant.

Inside this Golden Treasury of sports photos you’ll find:

- Skateboarding and BMX at “Ride The Plank,” sponsored by Project LOOP
- Pro wrestling courtesy of local pals Anarchy Championship Wrestling
- Mechanical bull riding
- The aforementioned Air Sex Championships, which gets covered a lot on With Leather these days and is exactly what it sounds like.
- The veggie hot dog eating contest

Stick around until the very end to see a shirtless fat guy in a horse mask squaring off against a punk rock pornstar. That is not clickbait, that actually happened. I love you, Fun Fun Fun Fest.

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I’m going to stir some controversy today that doesn’t involve the NFL, because I’m a button-pusher, but I’m honest. What you get from me here is how I am at home, and I won’t ever apologize for calling it like I see it. *closes ‘The Gregg Doyel and Skip Bayless Guide to Making Every Story About You’ coloring book* So what’s my controversial statement? I don’t like wiener dogs.

Ignite your pitchforks and sharpen your torches, because it’s true – I think that dachshunds are the canine equivalent of the Ford Flex. But as always, they’re still better than cats, because at least dogs can race, and as I learned this week, even wiener dogs can be competitive when it matters. So when they kicked off the annual Oktoberfest-Zinzinnati festival (Octoberfest to us Yanks) last week with a race in costumes, this silly little breed took one step in the right direction in winning my heart.

So which of these wieners gave the folks in Cincinnati something to be happy about before Dusty Baker breaks their hearts? The answer may shock you.

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The Phillie Phanatic takes out a gaggle of hot dog imposters, because that’s how he rolls. This has made the rest of my day happier. (via MLB.com)

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Links

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Breaking: Three-Boobed Hooker Actress Denies She Has Three Boobs |Gamma Squad|

Hola’ Hovito: Jay-Z’s 10 Best Guest Appearances |Smoking Section|

5 More Hard Truths About Training Camp |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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You know you’re in dangerous territory when the mascot starts facepalming.

Another Independence Day has come and gone, and with it must come and go our contractually obligated coverage of the Nathans Hot Dog Eating Contest. Joey Chestnut took home his sixth consecutive championship and $10,000 for an effort that saw him eat nearly seven hot dogs per minute for ten minutes. It’s the kind of performance that makes you swell with pride or vomit, or possibly both.

The 28-year-old San Jose, California, man nicknamed “Jaws” scarfed down 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes in the sweltering summer heat to take home $10,000 and the mustard yellow belt. He bested his main rival by 16 dogs.

“I feel good, it was a great win,” Chestnut said after the contest, adding he wished he could have eaten a record number of hot dogs for the audience. “I tried my best. I’m looking forward to next year already.” (via Associated Press)

Full video of the contest is below, if you had to go to a wedding or your DVR went on the fritz or something and you couldn’t watch it. Also included is the facepalm-worthy clip of New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg rattling off every single hot dog pun known to man, causing even an anthropomorphic hot dog to be embarrassed for him. Choice quote: “Who wrote this shit?”

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