Fear the Tanner Twister.

After the success of our first Sports On TV column (Saved By The Bell’s 20 Greatest Sports Moments) I thought to myself, “How do I follow up?” The answer: find a show with more sports moments and fewer jokes.

Welcome to the 20 greatest sports moments of ‘Full House’, the 1989 John Stamos vehicle about a group of friends banding together to save a family after the death of their mother that launched Bob Saget into ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos’, Dave Coulier into ‘America’s Funniest People’, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen into a billion-dollar branding deal and Jodie Sweetin into People magazine covers with headlines like FROM METH ADDICT TO MOM. It was funny for a minute, then lasted 8 more years.

As I mentioned before, streaming episodes of ‘Full House’ are only legally available on Amazon Prime, so in lieu of videos I’ve provided the most appropriate images I could find. You can thank Alan of The Spotless Minds for those, and the wonderful Full House Reviewed for a few supplementary shots.

Now, read on and find out what Miller-Boyett Productions has to say about San Francisco Giants baseball, the Super Bowl, and everything else from rollerblading to bungee jumping. Sadly, Joey Gladstone wearing the same robe as WWE star Damien Sandow did not make the list. If you know of a moment we didn’t include, make sure to drop us a comment and let us know.

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It’s a dangerous world out there, people. Dangerous things happening every day, and you never know when some guy is going to ride up behind you on a horse and start whipping you in the back. Don’t get me wrong; I know some of you are into that sort of thing. So knock yourselves out. I’m sure the racetracks could use the business.

The Kentucky Derby is this weekend, and as the premier event in its sport, I am obligated to give it a few minutes of my attention.  Because even though I hate horses — NICE SHOES, ASSHOLE — I absolutely love gambling, so horse racing is okay in my book.

Since I don't know dick about horses (except, of course, horse dick), I'll point out others who have tried their hand at talking about this: Dan Shanoff addressed the contenders in this morning's Wake-Up Call, while some cat at Hugging Harold Reynolds at least sounds like he knows what he's talking about.  However, the best entry today comes from FanIQ, which compiled a list of the best racehorse names that somehow got approval from The Jockey Club.  Here's a little tease, with the full list after the jump:

Cum Rocket (1969)
Nut Buster (1942)
No Fat Chicks (1988)
Blow Me (1945)

Girls On Top (2004)
Get It On (both 1971 and 1986)
On Your Knees (1977 and 2005)
Spank It (1985) Go Down (1963), whose sire was Service
Jail Bait (1947 and 1983)
Alcohol Related (2000)
Lagnaf (1978)
Barely Legal (1982 and 1989)
Date More Minors (1998)
Golden Shower (1955)
Pleasure Me (2000)
She Can't Say No (1989)
Totally Toasted (2004)
Cherry Pop (1961 and 1978)
Ménage Á Trois (1974)
She's Easy (1978)
Strip Teaser (1980)
Rhythm Method (1982)
Bodacious Tatas (1985)
OHBEEGEEWHYEN (2001)
Tit'n Your Girdle (1988)
Kinky Lingerie (1991)
Hard Like a Rock (1995)
Sexual Harassment (1997)
X Rated Fantasy (1999)
Hardawn (1937)
Wrecked Em (1983)
Pussy Galore (1965)
Cunning Stunt (1969)

And yet, no Guntpuncher.  So sad.