The big horse racing event of the weekend was clearly the 28th Breeders Cup Turf at Churchill Downs and its $26 million purse on Saturday, as 18-year old Joseph O’Brien, riding St. Nicholas Abbey, became the youngest jockey to win the event. And while that’s all fine and dandy if you’re a fan of Irish horses, the real horse racing fun began last Thursday in Australia with the Crown Oaks race during Oaks Day. I mean, as if I even had to tell you that.

The race was a “star”-studded affair with celebrities like Elizabeth Hurley, Joan Collins, some girl named Ruby Rose, former Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins, and a slew of other people I’ve never heard of showing up to watch horses run in a circle. But the brightest star of the bunch was Sarah Jessica Parker, who was in the country/continent to promote her new, incredibly aptly-titled film, I Don’t Know How She Does It. Parker looked fantastic as she waved to the crowd and posed for pictures with the winning jockey, Danny Nikolic. However, there was a brief scare when she tripped on the track and medical personnel attempted to put her down.

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If you weren’t taking inventory of your beef jerky and pornography for the rapture on Saturday, there’s a good chance that you tuned into the 136th annual Preakness Stakes to see Shackleford out-horse the rest of this year’s equine contenders. Shackleford notably surrendered the lead to Animal Kingdom at the Kentucky Derby earlier this year, and it appeared to be déjà vu all over again as Kingdom made a late run at the Preakness title. But Shackleford held Kingdom off to eliminate any hopes of a Triple Crown win this year, so now we can talk about what really matters – girls in bikinis.

Everyone knows that the real Preakness highlights take place at the infield party, and this year’s party was off the chain, hook and any other slang terms that the kids use these days. Not only could you check out the ladies of the 2011 Jagermeister International Bikini Contest, but you could also stalk hang out with infield hostess and former WWE star Stacy Keibler, as well as enjoy music by Bruno Mars and Train. Did I say enjoy? Sorry, that was careless of me.

There were also plenty of sort-of-celebrities in attendance, and the Baltimore Sun’s extensive Preakness coverage captured all of the action, including the bikinis and celebs.

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By now you’re probably familiar with the Ocean Park, New Jersey horse race clip that made the rounds last year, featuring two horses with the disagreeing names Mywifenoseverything and Thewifedoesntknow. But now an older race video is also getting some attention because of a horse with a much simpler and equally great name – Arrrrr.

This 2008 race at the Saratoga Race Course has already been a big hit with horse racing fans, and the announcer Tom Durkin is a bit of a legend, but since I prefer my animal competitions to feature angry, starving turtles, I’ve clearly never seen this video before. Arrrrr (a local legend according to Wikipedia) runs in the back for most of the race, but the horse gets fired up and so does Durkin, leading to what sounds like a cross between an excited pirate and a stroke victim.

Video after the jump…

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We are all faced with once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and it is how we deal with those shots that defines us as men. And occasionally women, I guess, if they discover an awesome recipe or a new way to type shorthand. That opportunity arrived for horse racing announcer Larry Collmus this past Sunday and he took the bull by the horns, but in this case the bull is a horse and the horns are ironic names.

Collmus called the seventh race at Monmouth Park in Oceanpark, New Jersey, and the race came down to the wire between two horses – Mywifenoseverything and Thewifedoesntknow. Ultimately, Mywifenoseverything won despite terrible grammar, but the real winner was Collmus, and his prize is newfound Internet glory. The loser was Tiger Woods, because millions of people are going to post this video on Facebook along with comments like, “I didn’t know Tiger Woods owned horses” and their co-workers will LOL all day long.

Tell us, was the mood tense for Collmus, Metro UK:

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After the organizers of the Preakness banned infield patrons from bringing their own beer, attendance dropped by 31 percent. Who would have seen that coming? This year, the masterminds behind the second leg of horse racing’s Triple Crown are making amends. Sort of.

This year, infield admission has dropped by $10, to $40. And revelers can drink unlimited beer if they buy a 16-ounce mug for $20.

Organizers have also booked younger-skewing musical acts O.A.R. and the Zac Brown Band. –WaPo.

The mugs, and a new ad campaign, have revitalized ticket sales, but they’re still short of 2008′s attendance. And now they control the flow of alcohol as well, which is good for them. Plus, mugs don’t throw quite as well as cans of beer. But it’s safe to say that the fame Port-O-Potti runs are all but over. It’s too bad, because I was dying to lay down a Fat Guy Falls-Skinny Guy Gets Nailed In The Face-Dude In Flip Flops Falls Off trifecta. Read the rest of this entry »

The Kentucky Derby was on Saturday, despite inclement weather for most of the day. The Derby doesn’t seem like much of a sporting event as opposed to an excuse for women to dress ridiculously for something that only lasts two minutes. Ladies, if that’s what you’re looking for, I could last at least two and a half.

Anyway, Super Saver, one of four horses entered by Todd Pletcher, is your winner. It’s the third Derby in four years that the winning horse was mounted by noted jockey Calvin Borel. Don’t expect Borel to get any endorsements, though. The freaking horse did all the work.

Borel gave Super Saver a magnificent ride, guiding him along the rail for over a mile, saving ground all the way, before edging out slightly at the top of the stretch to take the lead. With 20 horses, the Derby can often be a bumpy affair, especially in the first turn. But Super Saver seemed to be running in a race of his own, clear of his competitors by several lengths either way. –Mark Beech/SI.com.

And then there was Glen Fullerton, who won a contest that gave him $100,000 to bet on any horse in the field. And obviously, nobody would give a damn about this story if Fullerton hadn’t picked Super Saver, at 9-1 odds. Nice work, Glen. Read the rest of this entry »