Women’s Soccer has suddenly become an important thing in the United States, and even our baseball players are taking notice. Well, not really “taking notice” as much as “noticing the hot girls”, but Tampa Bay Rays third baseman Evan Longoria has taken a break from chasing people in helicopters and stealing their hats to hit on one of the prettier members of the team, the legitimately foxy Alex Morgan, via Twitter. Burnsy covered the story yesterday, so be sure to click through and read his post should you need more information for today’s strip than “baseball guy wants to nail soccer girl”.

A couple of disclaimers:

1. As always, The Dugout contains frank depictions of real life situations and reader discretion is advised.
2. The opinions of characters in The Dugout do not necessarily represent those of its writer.
3. Somebody contact me via Twitter, I want to throw out the first pitch at a baseball game.

Today’s Dugout follows.

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Last night on “Late Show with David Letterman”, USA Women’s Soccer team stars Abby Wambach and Hope Solo stepped outside The Ed Sullivan Theater and took aim at the cabs on Broadway. Letterman got them to kick balls into moving cars after a the standard Letterman interview (“er uh I don’t really know anything about what you’re saying, so uh, eh heh heh got any gum” etc.) and a weird train of thought where Dave suggested losing to Japan in the World Cup was okay because Japan had been in Earthquakes.

The best part of the video is Letterman calling into question the kicking ability of the situationally-foxy Solo because she’s a goalkeeper. So of course Solo is the one with the most accurate kick. In a dress. After the stunt, Wambach stuck around to be Dave’s musical guest, delighting the audience with her hit song “All The Small Things”.

[h/t Buzzfeed]

The United States Women’s National Soccer Team had a hell of a run in this World Cup. After knocking off Brazil in truly exciting fashion and taking care of business with ease against France, though, they had to take on the sentimental underdog Japan yesterday, and the U.S. eventually lost 3-1 in a shootout after a 2-2 tie. Regardless, millions of Americans watched in patriotic awe as Hope Solo, Abby Wambach, and the rest of the U.S. women gave their all.

While the loss was deflating and the women will soon drift back into anonymity – or at least the state of “Not that chick who took her shirt off but that one with the pink sports bra” – until the next World Cup rolls around, we offer a hearty “HUZZAH!” to our soccer sisters, because while it sucks not to win the Finals, at least we beat Brazil and that smarmy Marta. Oh how I hate her so.

In case you missed yesterday’s action and you need something to look at while you attend your treason hearing, I’ve put together this hasty retelling of the 2011 Women’s World Cup Finals, and as always, there is no chance that the pictures are in the right order, but you’ll just have to live with it.

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At the 2007 Women's World Cup held in China, then-U.S. coach Greg Ryan benched red-hot goalkeeper Hope Solo in favor of creaky monolith Brianna Scurry in the semifinals against Brazil for reasons that made sense to morons.  In the wake of the team's 4-0 embarrassment, Solo got branded as a diva for being honest about her coach making the wrong decision. "It was the wrong decision and anyone who knows anything about the game knows that," Solo said at the time.

Today, Solo was the centerpiece of the Americans' win over Brazil for the Olympic gold medal.  Team USA got outplayed by the Brazilians for long stretches of the game, and Solo's saves kept the Americans in the game long enough for Carli Lloyd to get the decisive goal in (read more at the Bog's live blog).

I hope the lesson here is clear: if you have a young blond chick with a Star Wars name on your team, you let her play.  And also see if she's be down for wearing a metal bikini and a collar chained to your dais.  You know, just in case she's into Star Wars.  Or being chained up.  Hey, you'll never know unless you ask.

[Dave's Football Blog] 

The U.S. Women's National Team was slaughtered by Brazil 4-0 in today's semifinal of the Women's World Cup.  An own goal by the Americans and goals from Christiane and all-world Marta (who found the back of the net twice) provided more than enough scoring to get the Brazilians into the final against… um, some other country?

But the real story (aside from some spotty officiating) was American coach Greg Ryan's decision to bench starting goalie and attractive blonde Hope Solo for aging former starter and proven boner-killer Briana Scurry.  Ryan defended his decision, but Miss Solo was NOT happy about the bench time:

"It was the wrong decision and anyone who knows anything about the game knows that," Solo said in a TV interview after the game. "There's no doubt in my mind I would have made those saves."

If there's anything I've proven time and again writing this site, it's that attractive people make better athletes.  In fact, we're better at doing pretty much everything.  It's just one more case of good-looking people suffering from discrimination because we're a minority.  Attractivist assholes.

The FIFA Women's World Cup has been going on in China for, like, the last week or something, and I'm honestly surprised that I haven't written anything about it before now.  Basically all that's been going on is a bunch of athletic American women running around in white jerseys in the middle of a downpour. The American gringas advanced to the quarterfinals by winning Group B, managing a 2-2 tie to North Korea before beating Sweden 2-0 and Nigeria 1-0 (rain-soaked video here).

Up next for the Americans will be fellow English-speakers England, so warm up your bad teeth jokes and practice saying "Freshen ya drink, guvna?" in your most annoying Cockney accent.  The two nations will do battle on Saturday morning, while you rest peacefully in a puddle of your own vomit. 

Pictured here is Hope Solo (be her MySpace friend!), who like me is from the Pacific Northwest, a goalkeeper, and easy on the eyes. Her name is way fuckin radder than mine, however.  It's basically the equivalent of being called Duke Skywalker or Garth Vader.  Stupid English ancestry.