He wasn’t, but if you asked me to name 900 reasons why Zack Greinke would be starting his first season as a Milwaukee Brewer on the DL with a fractured rib, “attacked by Charlie Sheen” might be on there, but “grabbed a rebound in a game of street hoops” wouldn’t. But that’s exactly what happened; Greinke (who is 6’2″ and deserving of an SB Nation-style “who is the whitest player in the history of baseball” discussion) went up for the board and came down somewhere near the bottom of the NL Central.

The best part is Greinke’s reaction.

“Everyone always told me not to do it because I was going to get hurt,” Greinke said. “It finally caught up to me.”

That is the most baller response ever. So when Greinke isn’t control pitching, he’s out roaming the city streets, escaping his handlers, looking for the next game of illegal pick-up street ball. You know he wears shorts that stop at his ankles and a big baggy like, silver metallic tank top and a bunch of headbands. He’s that white guy they always insert into park basketball games in TV shows and movies to make them not look racist.

In a related story, David Eckstein just injured himself trying to outrun a train in his Toyota Supra Turbo.

Shaquille O’Neal has rebounded from his wife of seven years Shaunie and I’m quite sure you recognize the name from the hours you’ve all spent poring over re-runs of VH1 reality shows of yore. Hey, I don’t blame you. The idea of Flavor Flav slobbering on a bunch of hot 20-somethings as they struggle between the decision of acquiring more cable television face time by succumbing to the grapplings of a wrinkly old pseudo homelessman who screams a lot or acquiring face time by instead attacking the other women of the house is compelling television. Anyway, the winner of the first season of ‘Flavor of Love’, Hoopz, is now in the towering grasps of Shaquille O’Neal and they’re going to get married. Let’s hope she has a gigantic birth canal.

Perhaps Shaq is planning on feathering his nest with reported fiancee Nicole “Hoopz” Alexander.

According to the St. Louis Post Dispatch, the Big Guy got down on one knee on the dance floor at the Sahara Mediterranean Cuisine and Hookah Lounge in suburban St. Louis over the weekend and put a ring on his date’s finger.

Internet reports say Shaq, who was in the Gateway City to play in a charity golf tournament, has been keeping company with Hoopz, a former contestant on the VH1 reality show “I Love Money,” for a few months. -Boston Herald

It’s good to see that a master manipulator like Hoopz, who also won that VH1 reality show ‘I Love Money’ where they attempted to get all of their former ‘stars’ together in a last ditch ratings grab attempt at showing that it is indeed possible to recover from the chemical baths deemed necessary after spending a night with Flavor Flav, can use her master manipulation skills in the real world to secure the sugar daddy her selfish ass needs to stay happy. I can’t wait until Flavor Flav shows up to the wedding with a tub of gorilla glue and a Swedish to German dictionary and whispers to Shaq, “You’re gonna need this.”