I'm a little late to this story, but things have been so damn sexy around here that the "Soccer star hires more hookers yet again" had to take a back seat.  So, yes: Manchester United striker Cristiano Ronaldo, whom you may remember for his five-hooker orgy (he invited his friends — how thoughtful!), has been at it again.

[Ronaldo] slipped away to Italy after United's FA Cup victory over Aston Villa on Sunday —and made a beeline for a seedy dive in Rome's red light district. A source at the strip joint told us: "Ronaldo and a pal arranged for two girls to go to his hotel after leaving the club. They PAID for sex with the girls then SWAPPED over so they could bed BOTH of them."

Well, obviously.  You have to get your money's worth. 

There are too many terrific details to this story to go into here, so I recommend reading the full story at News of the World.  They sent their intrepid reporters to the very same strip club Ronaldo visited, where they took in the nude show and elicited offers of sex from the employees.  That's gotta be a tough job, working the stripper beat.  But I think I could be man enough to do it.  I'd even accept an "embed" position.  High-five?

Nothing like starting the New Year with unverified rumors.  Wheeee!

Sources close to Kim Kardashian are revealing to OK! that the 27-year-old Keeping Up With the Kardashians star is now engaged to her boyfriend, 22-year-old Heisman trophy winning football player Reggie Bush.

The pair were together in Miami on Dec. 31, where Kim hosted Mansion’s Tanqueray and Ciroc New Year’s Bash in South Beach alongside Reggie. While no diamonds were shining on Kim’s ring finger, she did admit to OK! that things are getting serious. However, she added, "One thing I did learn from ‘07 was to try to keep it as private as possible so I’m trying to hold that close to my heart but I’m here with everybody that I love."

Oh yeah, the bitch with a sex tape and a reality show just craves privacy.  Whatever, Reggie Bush may as well marry her.  His stock's not gonna get any better.  In another year he'll be fully exposed as a poor man's Dave Meggett.  Some curvy whore everyone with a Wi-Fi connection has seen get railed by a no-name rapper is about the best he's going to do.

Because of my high I.Q. and childhood of rigorous spelling bee training, I never got into pro wrestling.  So I don't know who Harrison "Hardbody" Norris is… but I do know that he's led a pretty sweet life.  Right now a jury is deliberating a federal case against him on prostitution and sex trafficking charges.  Get ready for some awesome sentences:

Donned in his bright orange prison jumpsuit and trademark braids, Norris, serving as his own lawyer, gave a rambling, 90-minute performance in hopes of winning an acquittal on charges he kept nine women as sex slaves in his two Cartersville homes. If convicted, he faces up to 20 years in prison on a slew of charges, including peonage and forced labor.

[Prosecutors] painted Norris as a predator who knowingly used his wrestling business to lure poor and vulnerable women into a life of prostitution and forced labor… Some of the activity crossed state lines and involved so-called "cut parties" in which the alleged victims were forced to have sex with multiple partners in a single gathering.

I always learn the most useful things from news stories.  Like this one.  Not only did I get fresh spank bank material by Googling "cut parties," I also learned that luring vulnerable women into prostitution and forced labor was illegal.  Who knew?  Guess I'll have to free my sex slaves.  But at least I can keep them on as sex share croppers.

There's a strong push in Vancouver to create legal brothels by 2010 when the Winter Olympics and horny Japanese businessmen come to town.  Great news! …or is it?  

A group of Vancouver prostitutes wants to open a "co-op" brothel in time for the Winter Olympics, saying it would help sex-trade workers by providing a safer working environment when the world comes to visit in 2010.

Susan Davis, a working prostitute, said she envisions the creation of as many as five cooperative brothels… The group has support from some politicians, including Vancouver East MP Libby Davies and Vancouver Mayor Sam Sullivan, who believe a brothel owned and run by sex-trade workers would help reduce violence against them.

Whoa whoa whoa.  Reduce… violence… against hookers?  Susan Davis, your first mistake was revealing your real identity in the media.  My nemesis has a name.

[Lion in Oil] 

Italian soccer club Trentino 1921 have given new meaning to the term "flophouse" by getting sponsorship from an Austrian escort agency.

Trentino 1921 have received 10,000 euros (about £7,000) in the agreement which sees the name of the escort agency, Casa Bianca, posted on the club's official website… The agency… describes itself as the "home of pleasure", adding that Casa Bianca is a "sensuous place to get everything you want".

According to the website… the girls charge 180 euros (£130) an hour – and all major credit cards are accepted.

The images above, by the way, are taken from Casa Bianca's website.  I don't know what kind of whorehouse is all about expensive cigars and bubble baths, but damn if those girls wouldn't look great in a shallow desert grave.  Am I right or am I right?

[The Offside] 

Every Day Should Be Saturday has a probably accurate, potentially spurious rumor about Ohio State third-string quarterback Antonio Henton, he of the arrest for soliciting a prostitute.  But NO! says an anonymous Internet tipster, who claims it was the hooker who solicited him:

[Henton] was driving through that area (a few blocks south of campus) on his way to buy some shoes. While driving along, he was flagged down by a woman who approached his car and asked if he wanted to have sex. Then the uniforms came and arrested him. It should be dismissed as entrapment, and they apparently arrested 10 other people that night in that location. Henton really is a good guy…God damn man trying to keep a dude just gettin’ some shoes down. Fight the power!

All I really have to say about this situation is that these high-res stills from Entrapment were motherfucking difficult to dig up.  I downloaded some other Catherine Zeta-Jones photos along the way, and I figured, hey, might as well post these, too.  But only because I admire Michael Douglas's work.

In a related bit of advice, if you dress up as a hooker and give yourself a handjob, not only is it legal, but it's also technically not masturbating.  Best of both worlds.  Plus you get to wear makeup!