Manchester United/Portuguese teammates “Nani” Cunha and Cristiano Ronaldo famously shared women at Ronaldo’s five-hooker orgy, which makes blowing out birthday candles together over a glass of white wine either more gay or less gay. I’m not sure.
Anyway, happy 24th birthday to Nani. I’m sure being friends with Ronaldo is always nice around birthdays and holidays. “Hey, Cristiano, what’d you get me? *please say hookers please say hookers* Hookers? Why, what a surprise!”
(thanks to Maj)
Manchester United striker Cristiano Ronaldo, the man who famously enjoyed a five-hooker orgy with teammates, will surely be shocked to learn that “Fernanda,” one of the women he keeps on the side, is — wait for it — a hooker! GASP! News of the World (link has a grainy NSFW image) sent one lucky reporter undercover to find out what Fernanda had to offer. She happily showed off pictures of herself with the star at Man U parties, and more:
Keen to relax our man, she offered him a drink before beckoning him to the double bed… She played seductive mood music on her CD player and began gyrating provocatively while slowly peeling off her dress to reveal a slinky black G string.
Caressing herself, she again motioned for our man to join her on the bed but as he made his excuses and prepared to leave, she discussed arranging a second meeting. Fernanda then promised to see our man later in the week for a full-on cocaine-fuelled romp and lesbian show with a blonde Czech girl called Anna…
Fernanda told us she enjoys partying with cocaine and offered to supply the illegal Class A drug for our threesome booking at £60 a gramme. “It’s very good,” she said. “I go crazy with the cocaine. Not bad crazy, good crazy. Sex and coke is so much crazy!”
The article also said that Ronaldo will “go nuts” over this revelation. Oh yeah. He’ll be livid that he’s been getting freebies from a coked up hooker with big tits. Me, I hate it when that happens. “I thought our intermittent no-strings sex meant something! Your real name probably isn’t even Cherry!”
[Sports by Brooks] SEXY UPDATE: Now with video of hooker-dealings!
What could possibly be worse for die-hard fans than bandwagon fans arriving when your team does well? How about fans that are paid to cheer for your team? That's right: in honorable tradition of the Hessians who fought in the Revolutionary War, there are now mercenary sports fans.
As Conde Nast Portfolio notes, Cameron Hughes is paid handsomely by team owners to don a jersey and whip up support for the team.
Baseball teams like the Toronto Blue Jays and the Los Angeles Dodgers pay him an average of $2,000 a game to do his thing, as do N.B.A. teams like the L.A. Lakers and New Orleans Hornets and N.H.L. teams like the Ottawa Senators and Toronto Maple Leafs. All told, he works about 80 to 90 major- and minor-league games a year, and difficult as it may be to believe, Hughes makes a comfortable six-figure salary just by being a crazy sports fan.
"I basically just play myself," says the 36-year-old Ottawa native. "It's just amazing when you put on a team jersey that people are loyal to, how much they'll cheer you and how much they'll support you."
"Yeah, I just play myself — you know, a high-priced cheering whore." Actually, that's not fair. Say what you will about hookers, at least they have principles.
(thanks to Mike for the tip; Cameron Hughes website)
meat-sticks instead of Hot Pockets, if you know what I'm saying. And I think you do. Because you heard it yesterday.
Today we get more word of Ronaldo, as well as photos of one of the lovely she-dudes he picked up. There's also a report that Ronaldo's girlfriend has dumped him, with the possibility that sponsors will follow suit.
According to Brazilian paper "Extra", Maria Beatriz Antony, who lived with Ronaldo up to a few days ago, returned to her parents in Brasilia. Friends told the paper that she repeatedly complained about Ronaldo's type of nightlife in Brazil since the player's return because of an injured knee. So his latest escapade may only be the final straw that tipped the balance against him.
"Extra" claims that Nike is considering unilateral termination of his contract and a request for damages as provided in a clause. "We are still collecting information, there is nothing official yet" is what spokesperson David Grinberg said on behalf of Nike's brazil office. The contract that ties Ronaldo to Nike is lifelong and is worth in excess of 100 million dollars.
Losing your girlfriend and a $100 million sounds bad until you factor in that at least he figured out the hookers were men before they started having sex. So really, he came out ahead here.
Legendary AC Milan striker Ronaldo — the fat Brazilian Ronaldo who loves hookers, not the good-looking Portuguese Ronaldo who loves hookers — went out looking for a good time the other night and got himself three hookers. Problem was, there was a little bit of, uh, false advertising.
Police said that the incident began when Ronaldo discovered he was dealing with transvestites instead of women and was reportedly infuriated. Carlos Augusto Nogueira, a police inspector, said that Ronaldo admitted he knew they were prostitutes when they met but did not realise they were transvestites until they reached the motel.
“He admitted to everything, he wanted to have fun,” Nogueira said. “But he committed no crime at all, it was immoral at best.” Prostitution is not illegal in Brazil. “Ronaldo said he is not good in the head and that he is going through psychological problems because of his recent [knee] surgery,” Nogueira added.
I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, they were believable transvestites, right? They're already with you at the hotel. Might as well go through with it. He could've probably even gotten a discount, what with, you know, none of them having vaginas.
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The World Cup is still two years away, but South African hookers are already excited by the prospect of new business. In an article with the headline "AIDS Girls on World Cup Game" in subtle 64-point bold Times New Roman, The Sun interviews three prostitutes looking forward to England's army of hooker-loving fans and players.
Yolanda Lorika, 19, squeals: “We just can’t wait. We only get paid about £10 for sex when drivers stop for us here. English men will pay a lot more.
“We’ll probably have to fight over them with the girls who already have pitches in that area, but it will be worth it.
Ladies, ladies, please! With so many eager customers, there's no need to fight. Unless, of course, they're paying you to fight. Which I totally would do. Hookerfighting is the new dogfighting. And win or lose, the sex afterwards is way better.
