By all accounts, 2011 was a fantastic year for David Beckham. Granted, it doesn’t take much for Beckham to have a great year, other than just waking up and collecting whatever random amount of money is being thrown at him and his wife, Ginger Scary Sporty Baby Posh Victoria, that day. But last year he was fortunate enough to get the albatross off his back in helping the L.A. Galaxy win the MLS Cup, and unless I missed someone throwing a pot of boiling water at his face, he’s still David-f*cking-Beckham.

Momentum already seems to be carrying over into 2012 for Becks as well, because word is he’s already being heavily considered to be the captain of Great Britain’s soccer team at the Olympics in London, and he’s returning to the Galaxy for two more seasons, as some people assume he’ll eventually make a push to buy the team. But before any of that happens, he has one tiny little thing that he wants to take care of – he really wants to sue In Touch Weekly and prostitute Irma Nici for claiming that he slept with her 5 times to the tune of $10,000 a pop in 2007.

The problem is a judge already said he can’t.

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By now you’re probably familiar with the story of Paisley Dickey, the diminutive diva who has become a “Toddlers & Tiaras” anti-sensation in the wake of her mother dressing her as a prostitute on a recent episode of the show from hell. To be specific, Paisley was dressed as Julia Roberts’ hooker character from Pretty Woman, so at least she has a heart of gold.

So why, Burnsy, is this being discussed on this esteemed fart joke machine sports blog? Because Paisley’s mother, Wendy, has invoked my unholiest wrath with the laziest argument in the world.

‘I take my kid to church every week… at least I’m not forcing them into sports and getting my child injured like some parents.

‘People need to look at their own family and what they’re doing. I don’t know why people are focusing so much on pageant moms when there’s much more harmful things people are letting their children do!’

(Via The Daily Mail)

Yeah, like play sports and learn the importance of teamwork, leadership, discipline, and Big League Chew as a stepping stone to Red Man. OK, maybe not that last part, but you get my point.

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Montgomery police arrested 10 people in a prostitution sting, and 28-year-old Leslie Parker, seen here supporting Nick Saban’s Sugar Bowl-bound Crimson Tide, was one of seven women arrested.  I think I speak for everyone when I say RAWR!

For your viewing pleasure, the Montgomery Adviser has compiled a photo gallery of the mug shots, and let’s just say that your average small-city Alabama hooker is a much different breed than the high-priced Vegas call girl.  Or so I would imagine.  It’s not like I’ve strangled one to get off before.  Ha ha.  No, I’m not sweating.  You’re sweating.  What am I, on trial?

I am?  Oh.  I guess that explains the 12 strangers in the box over there.

[The Sporting Blog]

Manchester United/Portuguese teammates “Nani” Cunha and Cristiano Ronaldo famously shared women at Ronaldo’s five-hooker orgy, which makes blowing out birthday candles together over a glass of white wine either more gay or less gay.  I’m not sure.

Anyway, happy 24th birthday to Nani.  I’m sure being friends with Ronaldo is always nice around birthdays and holidays.  “Hey, Cristiano, what’d you get me?  *please say hookers please say hookers*  Hookers?  Why, what a surprise!”

(thanks to Maj)

Manchester United striker Cristiano Ronaldo, the man who famously enjoyed a five-hooker orgy with teammates, will surely be shocked to learn that “Fernanda,” one of the women he keeps on the side, is — wait for it — a hooker!  GASP! News of the World (link has a grainy NSFW image) sent one lucky reporter undercover to find out what Fernanda had to offer.  She happily showed off pictures of herself with the star at Man U parties, and more:

Keen to relax our man, she offered him a drink before beckoning him to the double bed… She played seductive mood music on her CD player and began gyrating provocatively while slowly peeling off her dress to reveal a slinky black G string.

Caressing herself, she again motioned for our man to join her on the bed but as he made his excuses and prepared to leave, she discussed arranging a second meeting. Fernanda then promised to see our man later in the week for a full-on cocaine-fuelled romp and lesbian show with a blonde Czech girl called Anna…

Fernanda told us she enjoys partying with cocaine and offered to supply the illegal Class A drug for our threesome booking at £60 a gramme. “It’s very good,” she said. “I go crazy with the cocaine. Not bad crazy, good crazy. Sex and coke is so much crazy!”

The article also said that Ronaldo will “go nuts” over this revelation.  Oh yeah.  He’ll be livid that he’s been getting freebies from a coked up hooker with big tits.  Me, I hate it when that happens.  “I thought our intermittent no-strings sex meant something!  Your real name probably isn’t even Cherry!”

[Sports by Brooks] SEXY UPDATE: Now with video of hooker-dealings!

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What could possibly be worse for die-hard fans than bandwagon fans arriving when your team does well?  How about fans that are paid to cheer for your team?  That's right: in honorable tradition of the Hessians who fought in the Revolutionary War, there are now mercenary sports fans.

As Conde Nast Portfolio notes, Cameron Hughes is paid handsomely by team owners to don a jersey and whip up support for the team. 

Baseball teams like the Toronto Blue Jays and the Los Angeles Dodgers pay him an average of $2,000 a game to do his thing, as do N.B.A. teams like the L.A. Lakers and New Orleans Hornets and N.H.L. teams like the Ottawa Senators and Toronto Maple Leafs. All told, he works about 80 to 90 major- and minor-league games a year, and difficult as it may be to believe, Hughes makes a comfortable six-figure salary just by being a crazy sports fan.

"I basically just play myself," says the 36-year-old Ottawa native. "It's just amazing when you put on a team jersey that people are loyal to, how much they'll cheer you and how much they'll support you."

"Yeah, I just play myself — you know, a high-priced cheering whore."  Actually, that's not fair.  Say what you will about hookers, at least they have principles.

(thanks to Mike for the tip; Cameron Hughes website)