Remember that recovering alcoholic homeless announcer that your mother won’t shut up about? Yeah, well the magic flea-infested carpet ride is over; Ted Williams has officially started drinking again, and police were called after a family reunion in California got out of hand. It’s a shame that nobody could have seen something like this coming.

“It was minor. Both parties were angry but there were no signs of visible abuse,” Los Angeles police Officer Catherine Massey said Tuesday. She said the two “were brought in, calmed down, talked to and released” and she did not know the nature of the argument. Williams and his daughter were held at the Hollywood police station for less than an hour and they were not arrested, Massey said.

She declined to name Williams’ daughter, but a statement from “Entertainment Tonight” identified her as Janey (pronounced juh-NAY’) Williams.

Janey Williams told ET she was angry because her father, a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, had resumed drinking.

–ABC News.

Oh well, at least he got one commercial under his belt. Even though he apparently has canceled all of his public appearances, I hope he stays in the public eye. America needs more famous homeless people.

UPDATE: He’s entering rehab.

In a video that was pretty much everywhere yesterday, Ted Williams, a homeless man living in central Ohio, shared what he called his God-given gift of a great voice. Yesterday, he was offered what any gainfully employed announcer only dreams about: a full-time job with an NBA team.

Now that Williams’ voice has been heard, he’s making appearances — he was on Ohio radio this morning, and he’ll be on NBC’s “Today Show” on Thursday — and the job prospects seem to be pouring in. Here are a few of the new possible opportunities for Williams.

• The Cleveland Cavaliers: A representative of the Cavs called into “The Morning Zoo” on WNCI, a local Ohio station, this morning to offer Williams a full-time voice-over job and a house.
• The NFL: No offer has been made yet, but a director of post-production from the NFL told The Columbus Dispatch, “My boss said to me: ‘If you don’t get him hired, you’re fired.’ … I can’t make any guarantees, but I’d love to get him some work.”
• The Ohio Credit Union League: Also on WNCI this morning, Williams was offered a $10,000 opportunity to do voice-over work for the Ohio Credit Union League, pending a background check.
• MTV: Someone claiming to be from MTV called into “The Morning Zoo” to say that they’d love to work with Williams.
• ESPN: According to WNCI, ESPN has expressed interest in Williams, too.
• Radio: A Pennsylvania radio station is apparently interested in Williams.
• Giving back: The television station WBNS-TV wants to use Williams as a narrator for One Day To End Homelessness, a telethon planned for Jan. 31.

The most prominent of those has to be the job with the Cleveland Cavaliers, who offered to buy him a house and pay his mortgage. Williams was involved in radio in the past before encountering trouble with drugs and alcohol. Just enjoy the video and his subsequent radio show appearance after the jump. And wow, that guy does have a great voice. I want to run that voice into a bathtub and splash around in it.

No matter your affiliation to the beautiful town of Cleveland, when LeBron James had what will infamously be known as “The Decision” special on July 8, we all wanted to burn something. A LeBron jersey. A book. Our eyeballs. Everything.

While a lot of Ohio natives decided to let fire on cloth be their way of coping with LeBron jetting out of town for Miami, a few more level-headed people have figured out a way to diss Mr. James and help out others at the same time. Let’s call it the anti-James movement.

The Scene and the Miami New Times have collaborated on a project to send all unwanted LeBron jerseys to Miami to give out to homeless people. Seriously.

Here’s our promise: Donate your stuff to The Wino and Gold LeBron Jersey Drive and we’ll personally make sure your formerly cherished items are given directly to a person of need in Miami. No, really. The good folks at Miami New Times will distribute the collection themselves.

We know you were too lazy to donate or burn your stuff this summer. It’s still sitting in your closet, or a box, and we want it. Please.

You have to give it up for the creative minds behind this plan. Not only does it do a little good for the less fortunate in the Miami area, but it is the perfect storm of dig towards LeBron. At any point in the year, James might be driving around South Beach in his Heartbreak Mobile, only to see four homeless dudes huddled up together, all sporting a version of his No. 23.

If that doesn’t show James how little his old city now cares about him, I don’t know what would.

I had a dream a few nights ago that I was riding around with ESPN’s Colin Cowherd on Segways. Every few blocks we’d see a homeless person on the sidewalk and Colin and I would do something cruel to the guy, like pretend to run off with his shoes or scald him with hot coffee. And then we’d high-five and segway around until we found some more coffee. We did this for like an hour and then this cop pulled us over. It was a lady cop, and maybe that’s not the proper jargon, but just bear with me.

So she’s wagging her nightstick at us, saying condescending cop stuff like “You boys better be careful,” and that’s when one of the homeless people transformed into a rhinoceros and trampled her. And then the rhinoceros looked at us and we looked at it. And then the rhino asked us for change.

All I had was credit cards.

I guess the moral of the story is that the homeless aren’t really people, but they’re actually rhinoceroses in disguise, just waiting for the right moment to trample somebody. Think about that the next time you see one of them peeing at a bus stop. Thanks, Gimp

The photo here is from the elevator shaft of an abandoned warehouse in Detroit.  And yes, that’s an actual dead man encased in 2-3 feet of ice.  It was discovered when “urban explorers” were playing ice hockey in the basement.  Get ready for the most macabre and depressing story of urban decay you’ll read this week.

[The man who found the body] is an urban explorer who gets thrills rummaging through and photographing the ruins of Detroit. It turns out that this explorer last week was playing hockey with a group of other explorers on the frozen waters that had collected in the basement of the building. None of the men called the police, the explorer said. They, in fact, continued their hockey game.

Well, it’s not like stopping the hockey game is gonna bring him back to life now, is it?  What’s the rush?  I don’t want to sound callous, but it’s not like he’s at the top of the triage list.

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It’s not enough for Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo to date a pin-up pop princess, attend high school pep rallies, and stop to change stranded motorists’ tires late at night.  He’s so kind and selfless that he’s now taking homeless men to the movies.  What an asshole.

The man, who goes by Doc, was outside a theater in in Dallas when [Romo] came up and offered to pay his way to see a movie…

Romo and Doc ended up sitting together watching the movie “Role Model.” [sic] Doc told the newspaper that he informed Romo that he hadn’t showered in days.

“Don’t worry about that,” Romo said, according to the newspaper. “I’m used to locker rooms.”

The man then said he hadn’t had sex in years.  “Don’t worry about,” Romo said, according to my imagination.  “I’m used to degrading myself for others’ pleasure.”