Maybe “happy” isn’t the right word. Reverent, yet personally productive and fun Memorial Day everybody! Me and Burnsy are taking the day to relax by the pool and eat of pizza, so I thought you might enjoy a little taste test of the things we’ve put up in my first month as editor. If you’re bored and on the Internet for some reason today, go back and check some of these out. You might’ve missed them the first time around, and if not, the Internet doesn’t exist on a linear timeline you jerk, and you can read something more than once.

Sorry for calling you a jerk. Here are some links that exemplify America~.

The Dugout: Elijah Dukes Can’t Handle Life’s Basic Tasks [The Dugout]

Best Of The 2011 Pole Dancing Championship [With Leather]

The Best and Worst of WWE Raw 5/2: Happy Dead Osama Bin Laden Day [With Leather]

The NFL’s Bravest Faces Part Two (don’t be fooled by the title, it is pictures of cheerleaders) [With Leather]

The Dugout: The Houston Astros’ Keys to Success by Jon Bois [The Dugout]

Your Weekly Dose Of Racing Awwwww [With Leather]

The WWE Legacy of Mr. Socko [With Leather]

The 2011 World Beard Championships [With Leather]

The Dugout: AL Central Folklore, aka the one where Jim Thome dresses like Paul Bunyan [The Dugout]

The 2011 Beautiful Bulldog Contest [With Leather]

Some of you don’t really celebrate Christmas. Maybe you’re Jewish, or maybe your wife died at one point near the holiday and the whole ordeal just makes you sad. Either way, it’s a nice day to be off work and watch TV. Or spent time with family. Or, I guess, celebrate the birth of Jesus. You know, if you swing that way. Img from Holy Taco, via Adam.

Over the line, Dude.

Okay, Thanksgiving is in two days.  Time for turkey-related sports stories.  Up first: Cincinnati’s Turkey Bowl, in which people bowl on an ice rink using turkeys as bowling balls.  Why?  Because it’s Ohio.

The person with the highest score after three rounds wins $100 cash and “WKRP in Cincinnati” DVDs including the series’ famous “Turkeys Away” episode…

The frozen birds used in Turkey Bowl are discarded store turkeys not intended for anyone’s table.

I think it goes without saying that this would be one thousand percent better with live turkeys.

Yeah, I know. I'm a perverted deviant, and this blog is definitely on the naughty list. But I wanted to wish everyone a merry Christmas and happy Passover or whatever. I'm actually going to take three days off — I know, I'm sorry — but I'll be back in action on Thursday morning with the same barely contained rage and rock-hard abs you've come to know and love.

In the meantime, I'd like to open up the comments as a forum for y'all to post links to galleries of sexy Santa girls and funny holiday-related videos — let's try to keep it semi-SFW for the poor folks who have to work over the holidays. Anyway, I'll get the ball rolling with some more Ana Beatriz Barros. Stay safe, and I'll see you back here next week. 

p.s. Also funny: cats in Santa costumes.