For some unknown, ungodly reason, I play golf. I’m f*cking terrible and I’ll probably never be even remotely decent, but I keep going out on the weekends, wasting money and tripling my blood pressure because I fail to understand that the reason that I suck is because I SUCK. And then there’s a golfer like Oakland University junior Kassandra Komma, who probably does stuff like “practice” and “try hard” and she’s rewarded by hitting two holes-in-one in the same round.

While playing at the R&S Sharf Golf Course recently… hold on… S-H-A-R-F, okay it is Sharf, just making sure.

While playing at the R&S Sharf Golf Course recently, Komma invoked the spirit of the world’s greatest golfer all-time ever good times, Kim Jong-Il, and sank not one, but two aces.

I hate golf. I’m gonna go throw my clubs into a fire.

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I imagine that at this point on a Friday afternoon, like me, you’re all holed up in an Atlanta hotel with the Georgia Tech football team, rifling through a wedding goody bag, and watching the Madrid Open. But in case you’re not that cool, you may have missed one golfer win what I and lonely Wisconsin women are calling the greatest prize in the history of anything.

Scotland’s Elliot Saltman not only sunk a hole-in-one, but for doing so he won a lifetime supply of ham. He better butter that bacon.

Saltman made the shot from the par-3 third hole at El Encin Golf Hotel. Heavily cured and salted ham is a Spanish delicacy.

“I’ve been trying to lose weight, but now I’m thinking I should have just kept it,” Saltman said.

Despite the feat, the No. 686-ranked player is well off the leaders’ pace. After two rounds, he was 3 over and 14 shots behind clubhouse leader Lee Slattery of England.

(Via Philly Burbs)

Yeah, well you know what? Slattery can suck it. Because at the end of the day, while Slattery will be closer to winning a large cash prize, trophy, and the respect of his peers, he won’t have a LIFETIME SUPPLY OF HAM. The only thing that could make this greater would be if Saltman ate it while riding around on a poop-powered motorcycle. I think it’s clear that I have a very specific dream for my life.

Joe Sakic sunk a hole-in-one at the American Century Celebrity Golf Championship, where a perfect shot on the 17th earned him a $1 million bonus from the tournament sponsor. Half of it going to Sakic and half goes to Lance Armstrong’s Livestrong Foundation. It’s at this point I’d like to remind you that Sakic is not a golfer: he is a hockey player, so take in this news like you might if I showed you video of Derek Jeter dunking over a car. Charles Barkley just won the Daytona 500, everybody, here’s a photo gallery.

From USA Today:

“That’s a shot you never imagine hitting,” said Sakic, who won two Stanley Cups with the Colorado Avalanche. “I’ve never even been close before. If you’re going to do it, why not here?”

Take a look.

The best part is his reaction, which starts off as literally nothing and devolves (evolves?) into high-fives and a Cal Ripken Jr. victory lap. I like to think my reaction would be similar, except with more fist pumping and me yelling “BOOM”.

[h/t Devil Ball Golf]

David Maxey was just another recent college graduate trying to make ends meet, working as a caddy at Woods Golf Course, presumably an upscale joint seeing as it still uses caddies. Last Friday, Maxey was assigned to caddy for Stan Andrie, a local business owner playing in a member-guest tournament. It was business as usual for Andrie on the course until he reached the last hole and asked for his 6-iron. Maxey instead suggested a 5-iron, as if they were poorly reenacting Happy Gilmore, and the rest is upper crust, white collar history.

Andrie asked Maxey if he wanted a big tip or the brand new Jeep Wrangler that was the tournament reward for a hole-in-one should he ace the par-3, and Maxey joked that he needed a new car. And, well, you can obviously guess that Andrie sank the shot and gave Maxey the Jeep. Congrats, you’re psychic, you want a cookie?

Get me my whacking stick, Muskegon Chronicle:

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