The Chicago Blackhawks are up 1-0 on the Minnesota Wild, and they don’t even care about the tremendous amount of sex they had in the regular season. F**k regular season sex! (via LAF)

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5 Reasons Iggy Pop Is Still Relevant 40 Years After The First Stooges Album |UPROXX|

Here’s A Glorious Mashup Of The ‘Planet Of The Apes’ Scenes From ‘Mad Men’ And ‘The Simpsons’ |Warming Glow|

The Karate Kid XXX sounds pretty good |Film Drunk|

Did Cristiano Ronaldo Cheat On Irina Shayk With Miss Bum Bum Brasil? Sure, Why Not? |With Leather|

‘Amazing Spider-Man 2′ Set Video and Pictures: Lookin’ Good, Jamie Foxx! |Gamma Squad|

Morgan Freeman Reciting Ray J’s “I Hit It First”? Yes, Please!!!11!1 |Smoking Section|

Taiwanese Animators Get One Last Dig In At Tim Tebow |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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As much as I like to joke about how I never watch hockey or that hockey is boring (aside from the fighting) or that even lockout-shortened seasons take too long, but I am, after all, just joking. We’re haha-makers, not necessarily news reporters. But even beyond my certain penchant for dick-jokery and fart-sniffery, I’m smart enough to see that ESPN doesn’t give much of a poop about extensive NHL coverage. At least in comparison to the NFL, NBA or Major League Baseball.

That’s not to say the Worldwide Leader completely ignores hockey. As ESPN President John Skipper told SI’s Richard Deitsch back in February in response to criticism that his network ignores hockey, the WWL offers plenty of coverage… in highlight form.

“I see SportsCenter every day and we cover hockey every day. We do not have a significant differential between highlights of hockey now and when we had it. The only difference is we are not there [as a rights holder]. If we were there for the playoffs, we’d be throwing to the guys calling the game. We can’t do that, but we are at hockey games. We are doing hockey highlights.”

I don’t pretend to know the inner workings of ESPN as much as some of our more insistent colleagues, but from the tailgate chair of the Average Joe, it appears to me that ESPN has long since told the NHL, “Look, you didn’t like our offer, so have fun with NBC Sports.” As to how accurate that is, other people may obviously know better than I do. But I think it sucks for ESPN’s talented NHL writers and on-the-fence fans like me, because when I look at ESPN.com with my average American male eyeballs, I barely spot the Stanley Cup Playoffs coverage.

Even worse, what happens when I scroll down?

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The Toronto Maple Leafs haven’t touched the Stanley Cup in 46 years. That’s not the worst of it — they haven’t touched the playoffs since 2004, when they went out in game 6 of round 2 in a 3-2 overtime loss to the Philadelphia Flyers. This year, the drought is over. Well, the playoffs one. We’re still a long way from the Stanley Cup. The Leafs are playoffs bound, and folks like CBC Sports are having fun pointing out how ridiculously different life is since that final, sad game 6:

You won’t see a photo of Belfour making a save in Game 6 posted on Instagram, because it was still six years away from being invented. In fact, Instagram started as an iPhone app, and the first-generation iPhone was still three years away from introduction.

No one has ever tweeted about a Leafs playoff game. Twitter was still almost two years away from launch when the Leafs were eliminated by the Flyers. (via CBC)

Hey, look, I can play: Nobody ever made a Vine video about a Leafs Stanley Cup win, because computers weren’t a thing in 1967. With Leather has never written about a Maple Leafs Cup victory because Brandon was still over a decade away from being born!

Anyway, Leafs fans are taking advantage of this playoffs miracle by getting out all the ridiculous questions, ideas and requests they’ve been holding inside since 2004. For example, have you ever wondered how far the International Space Station has traveled in orbit since then? SOMEBODY HAS.

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Niklas Hjalmarsson of the Chicago Blackhawks suffered a great indignity on Monday night … not only did he have to sit in the penalty box, he had to watch the Vancouver Canucks Green Men pull off a terrible magic trick. Sorry, Niklas, next time we’ll try to get you tickets to Celine Dion. (via NIS)

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Links

Bro Shares Harrowing Tale Of Being Stuck With One-Night Stand During Boston Lockdown |UPROXX|

Here’s A Bunch Of Pictures Of Daenerys Set To Van Halen’s ‘On Fire’ |Warming Glow|

Reese Witherspoon Is Super Sorry, Y’all |Film Drunk|

Hey Everyone, Look At How Edgy Rihanna Was Being At The Heat Game! |With Leather|

Why ‘Futurama’ Should Go Exclusively Online |Gamma Squad|

13 NBA Players You’d Want On Your Side In A Fight |Smoking Section|

Why Do NFL Player’s Hate America? |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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So yesterday, I was all, “Wow, did you guys see those baseball teams and especially the New York Yankees and Milwaukee Brewers being so awesome by playing Sweet Caroline and the Cheers theme to honor the people of Boston in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombing?” And people were all, “Yeah, that was awesome, nothing will ever top that!” Then we all cyber-bro-hugged for world peace and called it a day, right?

Well, last night, the Boston Bruins were like, “That was pretty cool, baseball, but we’ve got this now” and Rene Rancourt took the ice to sing the National Anthem before the Bruins took on the Buffalo Sabres. About 15 seconds in, Rancourt signaled the crowd and he put the mic down to let the Boston faithful do the rest.

It’s moments like this that truly make sports such an important reminder that humanity exists. It may be under attack, but humanity is still alive and well within most of us.

And now, Taylor Hall turning into Yojimbo to slash Zbynek Michalek in the third period of Edmonton’s 3-1 loss to the Phoenix. Just straight-up raising a hockey stick over his head and trying to cut a man open from withers to brisket. Spoiler alert: No penalty was called. Whoops!

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