In this week’s edition of the Friday Face-Off, we examine the very real problem of NHL players and fans using big rectangles of glass to incapacitate each other. Your job is to view the incidents and vote for your favorite, whatever your definition of “favorite” might be in regard to dudes getting injured by amorphous solids.
In the best Raffi-related sports news since Rafael Palmeiro started pointing fingers and ending sentences with ‘period’, children’s singer/entertainer/advocate and Bananaphone patent holder Raffi has recorded ‘On Hockey Days’. The tune, described in the YouTube description as a “toe-tapping all-ages song”, explains Raffi’s love of the game, reminds you to bring some snacks and (if Raffi has his way) will encourage people to never fight again.
“With the growing concern about the rough stuff in the game and injuries and so on I just thought that maybe a song would be the right thing do,” Raffi said. “And when I heard that in minor hockey, both Hockey Canada and USA Hockey are moving to ban fights from the game, I thought, this is the time to write a song about the pure love of the game. I wanted to capture that spirit of fun and fair play that starts with shinny and outdoor rinks and all that kind of stuff and then goes indoors… What I hope is that it will be well-known for a song that celebrates the pure love of the game at the grassroots level.”
My theory: if you played this for even the angriest enforcer they’d be numbed into pacification by lines like “scoring goals and making saves, help your team do its best” and just skate away with their head down.
I was called a sucky pussy yesterday for believing that hockey fights are only a part of the game when hockey has actually been played, so I wanted to share footage of a completely justified bloody brawl. During the second period of Tuesday night’s game between the Dallas Stars and Phoenix Coyotes, Coyotes captain Shane Doan gave Stars forward Jamie Benn a suckerpunch elbow to the jaw. As the adorably commentary noted, it was “right on the button” and “all heck” proceeded to break loose.
A rundown of penalties, courtesy of Puck Daddy:
Doan was given a fighting major for his bout with Brenden Morrow (who also received five minutes), as well as a two-minute elbowing minor for the hit on Benn.
The other penalties for the Coyotes: Raffi Torres with roughing and charging minors and a 10-minute misconduct; and Rusty Klesla with a roughing minor and a 10-minute misconduct.
The other penalties for the Stars: Steve Ott with roughing and unsportsmanlike conduct minors, and a 10-minute misconduct; and Trevor Daley with a roughing minor and a 10-minute misconduct.
As for Doan, he’s in trouble when the NHL gets a gander at this thing.
I’m starting to learn that almost anything you can get in trouble for in the NHL is somebody’s idea of how the game should be played. I guess that works for every sport. Personally I’d take off my skate and try to stab a guy if he nonchalantly skated by and blatantly tried to injure me with an elbow to the face, and I wouldn’t be upset if my team joined in.
A brief place-setting and match listing from Travis Hughes at SBN:
Rangers coach John Tortorella and Devils coach Peter DeBoer were jawing at one another before the game, perhaps as a result of the lineup card handed in by New Jersey. Nevertheless, when the lineups came out for each team, New York had an equal amount of firepower ready:
Devils: Eric Boulton, Cam Janssen, Ryan Carter, Marek Zidlicky, Bryce Salvador Rangers: Brandon Prust, Brandon Dubinsky, Stu Bickel, Mike Rupp, Marc Staal
That’s a good way to assure some bloodshed. The players all knew what they were out there to do, the fans knew it was coming, and everybody watching at home knew what was coming. Then, it happened.
I guess I’ve got the wrong perspective on professional sports, but what’s so bad about the New Orleans Saints setting up bounties to injure opposing players when hockey is premeditating gang fights? Hockey fights are cool and all, derp derp, but when they happen with entire teams before hockey has been played, that’s not cool, that’s unprofessional, childish, stupid, any number of negative adjectives you wanna throw at it. You’re orchestrating a situation that causes me to watch a dude’s blood splatter, and poor Sidney Crosby is standing there a few teams over with a head that barely works. None of this seems productive.
Well, maybe it could be productive. Is five-on-five MMA a thing yet?
A few days ago we shared a clip from the toddler Kumite and people seemed to like it, so now every time children get stuck in brutally violent adult situations I’m going to try to share it — for example, by way of Best Week Ever comes this clip of a bunch of Kazakhstani 9-year olds turning a post-game hockey handslapping into a full-bore gang war.
It’s hard to pick a favorite part of any Kids Beating The Hell Out Of Each Other video, but I think the kid in the upper left corner at the :30 mark being carried away kicking and screaming like he’s Veruca Salt is the best. The worst part is Kokshetau-Burabay’s green #10 skating up and punching a kid in the back of the head while he’s in the mount. You’ve got to try pretty hard to be the least sportsmanlike person in a bench-clearing brawl.