Hot damn, that's some serious hokey hockey humor.

I have been told that there is a strange underground movement in this country, and especially in the collective igloo villages beyond America’s northern border, for a barbaric competitive effort that involves men trying desperately to avoid falling through ice into freezing water by distracting the other men with a small black circle that is made of tobacco and bacon. They call it… hockey. At least that’s how it was described to me by the homeless meth head outside of Starbucks when I just paid him a dollar to flash a bus.

I plan on having my comprehensive NHL lockout-shortened season preview up by the end of this week, once I’ve finished looking over the league’s 4-day schedule that leads into a one-game Stanley Cup Finals. That’s what happens, right? My meth head was hit by the bus, so he didn’t get to finish.

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"Hey you p*ssies, let me see some tongue!"

With a 2-1 road victory over the Columbus Blue Jackets yesterday, the St. Louis Blues extended their winning streak to 5 games and their 97 points and 45-18-7 record are the tits of the NHL, which means that the bandwagon is starting to get a little crowded. For instance, New York Jets coach Rex Ryan wanted in on the action on Saturday, as the Blues were preparing to whip the moose hide off of Columbus at home.

Rex was in town visiting his brother and radio personality Jim Ryan, and he took a few moments to meet and address the team. While it may seem a little odd, Rex is right at home on the ice, as he and his brothers all played hockey as kids and were goalies, which is the least shocking thing I’ve ever written. As for the Blues, Rex likes the cut of their jib.

“I said, ‘Man, you coach this team like a football team … and that’s the truth,” Ryan said. “He spent a lot of time around football coaches as well. This is my first opportunity to be around a great hockey coach.

“Sport is sport, but you watch this (Blues) team and golly, this is what I want for our football team … everybody buys in. They have one all-star and it’s the backup goalie, and here they are with the best record in hockey.” (Via the St. Louis Post-Dispatch)

Rex was also spotted in a Blues jersey, which means that XXXL continues to be the best-selling jersey size in St. Louis. *rimshot, jiggles tummy*

But the Blues’ success is good news for people who complain that we don’t write enough about hockey, because as long as the Blues are kicking ass, I’m a happy man and there will certainly be more posts about the NHL and its famous players like Sidney Cosby, Alex Ovecktion and Boris Spazrussiankoff, instead of clips of Most Vertical Primate. Haha, okay, we can still include those…

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I enjoy soccer, especially the Premeir League and the international games, and I don’t seem to be the only one. A report released today suggests that America’s pro soccer league, Major League Soccer, will soon overtake the National Hockey League as the United States’ fourth most popular pro sports league…if they haven’t already.

In 2010, MLS average attendance was 16,675 spectators per game, a 4 percent increase over 2009. The NHL drew an average of 17,072 fans per game last season, a 3 percent drop from the year prior.

With regard to ratings, MLS also is making a surge. The league’s televised 2011 opener between the Galaxy and Sounders on ESPN was up 129 percent in ratings and 112 percent in viewership, drawing 604,000 English-language viewers. The game’s Spanish-language broadcast on ESPN Deportes drew another 79,000 viewers, an increase of 84 percent from a year ago.

–Fox News Latino.

Also more popular than the NHL on television: everything. While the American soccer product pales in comparison to the skill level, prestige, and national passion of the European leagues, MLS seems to be getting stronger while the NHL and even NASCAR appear to be losing fans and TV viewers. If only we could get Gary Bettman to run MLS, and sign Dale Earnhardt, Jr. to the Columbus Crew.

Here’s a pretty sweet knockout in Canadian junior league that sent the announcing team into a frenzy. Enjoy it while I finish up Power Rankings and get Weekend Picks ready to go for you. And then I’m off to see Cedar Rapids, because John C. Reilly is the only thing you can count on coming out of Hollywood these days.

Via Jimmy Traina/SI.com.

This is the goalie mask of Montreal Canadiens goaltender Carey Price, and I’m saddened that it’s not the tribute to The Texas Chainsaw Masscre for which we were all hoping. It’s actually a tribute to Jacques Plante, the inventor of the goalie mask and the first one to wear it in regulation play. Yes, there were days when goalies didn’t wear masks or helmets. And you thought hockey players were ugly now.

More looks at Arrigo’s functional art here, via Deadspin. This could only be topped by Jessica Biel running away from Price, screaming. Read the rest of this entry »

Pittsburgh Penguins point producer Sidney Crosby had scored in 25 straight games heading into last night’s tilt with the New York Islanders. In hockey, an individual “point” can be either a goal or an assist, and the Croz had registered one of those in every game his team had played since November 5th. But last night, despite 26 minutes of ice time, overtime, and a shootout, Crosby’s streak came to a halt.

“That wasn’t me. It was a complete team effort,” [Islanders goalie Rick] DiPietro said. “The defensive corps played with a lot of focus and a lot of heart. When we’re playing smart in our defensive zone, we’re a good hockey team.”

“It would’ve been nice to keep things going, but it was one of those games,” Crosby said.

–Y! Sports.

Oh, by the way, the Penguins won lost that game, 2-1. I’ve made it plainly known that Sidney Crosby is not my favorite player in the game right now, but 25 straight games with at least one point is impressive. But on the other hand, losing it to the Islanders is almost equally unimpressive. We’re nearly back to zero, but I give credit where it’s do, even if Dr. Seuss claims credit for the headline of this post. Screw Dr. Seuss. I bet his mustache sucks.