It's already more interesting than Revolver.

Hey David Beckham, can we chat?

Look, I think it’s awesome what you have accomplished in your career. Hell, when I remind myself that you’re only 37 years old, it leads me into a downward spiral of shame and self pity that can last at least 6 weeks at a time. You’re a mega-millionaire soccer champion and model, and you’ve already led a bachelor life that most mere mortal men can only dream about.

And when you had enough of that, you went ahead and settled down with the one Spice Girl that actually amounted to something more than just being a deposit in the spank bank of 100 million American high school boys in the 90s. You’ve fathered two sons who are already more famous than most of the guys you’ve played soccer against, and your oldest boy, Romeo, is already following in your model footsteps with his Burberry ads.

People even once tried to pawn you off as a one country wonder, as your critics said that you could never break into America’s pop culture. Of course you proved everyone wrong, because if this country is stupid enough to accept Cher Lloyd as a star, then we’ll take anyone. Especially a world class athlete, his ridiculous fortune and smoking hot wife.

You have all of that, David, and your whole life is ahead of you. So please, from one bro to another, and for the love of God, stop flashing your bulge all over Los Angeles.

Read the rest of this entry »

What David Beckham lacks in soccer playing abilities these days, he more than makes up for in being good-looking, having a ton of money, cultivating a well-rounded family (by all accounts) with his smoking hot wife, and being very, very good-looking. Seriously, there was a point in the 2012 Summer Olympics when Beckham was cheering on England’s Tom Daley and I thought it was going to take a million Kate Uptons to bring me back. But I’ve said too much.

Last year, Beckham introduced his partnership with H+M for its Bodywear underwear line with a series of underwear pictures – met by a few hateful jeers from the soccer community – and it was business as usual. The fact is, David Beckham likes being in his underwear. And now H+M is back with a new campaign and to celebrate that, the company has immortalized Beckham’s bulge in statue form.

You’ve heard of at least one undressed sculpture named “David,” but starting tomorrow, H&M will give Michaelangelo a run for his money with their giant David Beckham statues. (Via NBC New York)

*bowtie spins, helicopters penis*

The statues will be strategically placed in New York, Los Angeles, and San Francisco (now I know why Brandon is in California) and there’s an added cash prize bonus to anyone clamoring to get a picture of the statue.

Read the rest of this entry »

While it wasn’t as good as the Doritos commercial with the dog killing cats and bribing his owner, the H&M underwear commercial (after the jump, ladies) starring David Beckham caused quite the stir for its bulginess and rippling abs… or so I was told, because I was totally checking my phone or peeing or outside grilling steaks, bro. But it also caused at least one of Beckham’s rivals to lash out at him via the manliest way possible – Twitter.

According to the memo that my With Leather British news agency carrier pigeon just died on top of, Joey Barton, who plays for Queens Park Rangers, sounded off about his displeasure with Beckham during the Super Bowl on Sunday night. Specifically, Barton gave Becks a jolly ol’ buggering over his tendency to endorse just about anything, as you can see above. But then he took the price of Becks’ knickers to task.

Read the rest of this entry »