The new Ernest Hemingway.

Ed. note - Jessica ‘Lobster Mobster’ Hudnall’s read-through of Tank Abbott’s Befor There Were Rules, A Trilogy By #1 MMA Cagefighting Legend David “Tank” Abbott, Book One, Bar Brawler, A Novel continues. Here’s your prerequisite reading, if you haven’t been following along:

Part 1 – Foreword, Prologue, Chapter 1
Part 2 – Chapters 2-4
Part 3 – Chapters 5-7
Part 4 – Chapters 8-10

… and if you haven’t been following along, what’s wrong with you? Today’s installment: Chapters 11-13.

Read the rest of this entry »

Pictured: Hitler, Dog

Ed. note - Jessica ‘Lobster Mobster’ Hudnall’s read-through of Tank Abbott’s Befor There Were Rules, A Trilogy By #1 MMA Cagefighting Legend David “Tank” Abbott, Book One, Bar Brawler, A Novel continues. It still features a dog named after Hitler. I can’t stress that enough.

Part 1 – Foreword, Prologue, Chapter 1

Part 2 – Chapters 2-4

Part 3 – Chapters 5-7

Today: Chapters 8-10. Not-Tank finally watches not-UFC 1! Enjoy.

Read the rest of this entry »

Ed. note - Jessica ‘Lobster Mobster’ Hudnall’s read-through of Tank Abbott’s Befor There Were Rules, A Trilogy By #1 MMA Cagefighting Legend David “Tank” Abbott, Book One, Bar Brawler, A Novel continues today, and if you haven’t caught up with her SparkNotes yet, now’s the time to do it.

Part 1 – Foreword, Prologue, Chapter 1

Part 2 – Chapters 2-4

Today: Chapters 5-7. Not a lot of fighting, but a ton of introspection, and at least a few racist epithets! Enjoy.

Read the rest of this entry »

Ed. note - If you’re like me, you want to read Tank Abbott’s debut novel — the succinctly-titled Befor There Were Rules, A Trilogy By #1 MMA Cagefighting Legend David “Tank” Abbott, Book One, Bar Brawler, A Novel — but you don’t want to have to, uh, you know, actually read it.

Thankfully for us, Jessica Hudnall of Leg Kick TKO was nice enough to order a copy of the book and review it for us, SparkNotes-style. You’re going to read some ridiculous shit in here, but please keep in mind that we aren’t making it up for laughs, and that Jessica has a for-real hard copy of the book. I thought it was a figment of my imagination for like a week and a half.

Be sure you’ve read part 1 of her review before you read this one. It covers the forward, prologue and first chapter, and if you don’t read it, you won’t know the “right combination” to Walter’s “throw-down vault”.

Read the rest of this entry »

Everyone take a seat. We’re going to stray from our typical topics of dick jokes and boob praise in order to have a serious conversation about social injustices. Homeless people exist, my friends. No matter how much we try to look at the ground or pretend that we’re looking at a really interesting thing in the sky when we pass them, homeless people are real and they need to be treated with respect as human beings. Even the homeless dudes who sell drugs outside my local library or the ones inside that library watching porn – they all deserve their dignity.

That’s why ideas like the now defunct “HoboJacket” are supposedly bad for humanity. What exactly is HoboJacket? The philanthropy’s founder, MIT student Jin Pan, explains that it is “a competitive platform where you can donate your rival college’s jackets and shirts to the unfortunate because it’s terribly unfortunate that people actually went to that other college.”

For example, I hate Marshall, so I would donate some Herd gear and $10 to HoboJacket and it would serve two purposes: 1) A person who needs warm clothing would get just that; and 2) People would see a homeless person wearing a Marshall jacket. Basically, because homeless people are all dirty with their big beards, crazy eyes and B.O., this would be embarrassing for Marshall fans.

Now, imagine how this idea has gone over with social activists. Go ahead and check the HoboJacket website for yourself. Yeah, it’s gone over about as well as a fart in a spacesuit.

Read the rest of this entry »

Last Saturday, the Grundy Art Gallery in Blackpool, Lancashire (United Kingdom) launched a new exhibit, “Doug Fishbone and Friends Adventureland Golf”, featuring 9 holes of miniature golf designed by some of the UK’s greatest artists. The event runs through October 6 – if I understand the way those crazy Brits list their date numbers – and it’s open for the public to stop in and play a round. (In fact, any of you motherland With Leatherians stop in and get pictures, you’ll will get a free shirt.)

But that’s only if you get pictures with the above hole, designed to look like – can you guess? Anyone? That’s right, it’s Adolph Hitler, who is famous for leading Nazi Germany and stapling his testicles to patio furniture. Before you get all offended, though, know that there’s a very good reason behind this artistic choice.

Jake and Dinos Chapman, and Doug Fishbone have created replicas of two dictators for the course. The Chapman’s saluting Adolf Hitler places the powerful image of the Nazi regime within the context of holiday fun and in doing so makes reference to the British wartime spirit of making humour at the fuehrer’s expense. Doug Fishbone has recreated the toppling of the massive Saddam Hussein statue in Firdos Square, Baghdad, in 2003, an image that came to define the Iraqi war.

Nothing says picking on historical villains like making them obstacles in miniature golf. According to the Blackpool Gazette – with the best headline possible – if you get a hole-in-one on Hitler, he raises his arm. If you ace the Saddam Hussein hole, his statue falls over. I think this could be my favorite miniature golf course of all-time. Sorry, Congo River. :(

Although, I would have liked to have seen a more elaborate Hitler hole with Benito Mussolini perhaps biting the Führer’s genitalia. I heard that actually happened and it resulted in Hitler being impotent. Seriously, I learned that in elementary school, when education used to mean something in this country.

Read the rest of this entry »