If it’s not obvious by now, I’m quite fond of the more ridiculous “sports” and games that don’t quite count as professional, or even amateur… hell, sometimes they’re not even sports. Regardless, I’m a sucker for goofball competitive events, and those lovable hippies and hipsters in San Francisco hosted the 5th* annual Bring Your Own Big Wheel event, which included safe Easter** fun for the kids and adults alike. The event required participants to, obviously, bring their own Big Wheels. It’s not rocket science.

After the race, the hippies even got to take part in two of their favorite pastimes – cleaning up and helping people (all working Big Wheels were donated to the local fire department to be distributed to children). It was a win-win-win event apparently. It was also an inspiration for my new annual charity event, Bring Your Own Pogo Ball, which will benefit my love for watching large-breasted women bounce.

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Last time we heard from Grandpa Munster lookalike Frank Deford, he was writing and blabbing for NPR about how trick plays are child abuse. Well that pales in comparison to his latest diatribe on behalf of his friend… The Duchess. Seriously, DeFord, call Kenny Loggins, because you’re in the Danger Zone.

Deford and his Duchess claim that Major League Baseball players lack etiquette in comparison to their other professional counterparts in the NFL, NBA and NHL because teams don’t shake hands after baseball games are complete. Instead, those ruffian ne’er-do-wells choose only to shake the hands of their teammates, a clear affront to all that is civil and non-bestial. Seriously, if Deford doesn’t own a collection of antique monocles given to him by famous cricket players, I will eat my own soiled dickey.

Set your DeLorian to 1907, Mr. Deford…

The Duchess concluded her letter to me, noting how especially curious it was, that while baseball players do not congratulate each other after the game, they’re quite convivial during the game. If a batter hits a double, he’ll be sure to pass the time of day with the opposition shortstop or second baseman.

Afterward, though, it’s only the winners who come out on the field and fist-bump each other.

“I wish the losers would at least tip their hats to their conquerors,” The Duchess concluded. “There is no reason why baseball players can’t be gentlemen, like others of the sporting persuasion.”

Yeah, why can’t Derek Jeter take his d*ck out of a supermodel long enough to wish Luke Scott luck with his conspiracy theories? I mean, it’s not like baseball players don’t spend two hours before each game shooting the sh*t with their opponents during batting practice. But yeah, it’d be nice to see more baseball players acting cordial. Perhaps they should just start postgame daisychains. Jump on in, fans! It’s a Major League mouth orgy.

We’ve finally found a shoe worse than Dwyane Wade’s, and you’ll never believe it, but it’s made for women. It’s officially called, if I can read the card here, the “Grey Ant x Teva Stiletto,” available in both black and natural colors, and it’s the perfect accessory to sexy up a woman that never shaves her legs.

It’s the classic Teva® Hurricane sport “mandal” re-imagined as a STILETTO. This co-branded effort sees Grey Ant marrying the Teva® velcro-strap styling and grip-sole construction to a bold 4″ stacked heel. They’re calling it the most comfortable, performance high heel on the planet — we call it the most daring mash-up of the decade. This is anti-fashion at its purest. And so good when paired with socks.

via The Daily What.

Oh, I forgot the best part: they’re only $330! Why settle for one pair when you can get three, four, or even five! Ugh. It’s the socks that really ruin it for me. Nothing kills an environmentally-conscious chub like socks.

The Tesla Roadster is an electric car powered by over 6,000 lithium-ion batteries. The California-manufactured coupe gets about 200 miles per charge, and will cost you just over $100,000 to take home, pricing out all but the wealthiest of treehuggers. Oh, and it will document your every move you make while driving it, a discovery made by a guy that had to hack into the computer on his own car.

Many vehicles record some brief bursts of data in their onboard computer systems, which can easily be accessed by owners with some auto store tools. But the all-electric Tesla Roadster keeps far more extensive track of itself, taking a snapshot of the vehicle’s driving and brake regeneration every second, minute and hour its driven, along with details of its charging cycles dating back to when it left the factory. –Jalopnik.

I’ll just come out and say it: electric cars, as they stand today, are a joke. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love nothing more than to never visit a gas pump again, but this recent surge of environmental awareness this prissy hipster vibe that makes me want to burn a giant pile of plastic. These “green” cars powered by coal-burning electricity aren’t cost-effective enough to be rational buys for the average consumer. Having Big Brother riding shotgun just makes it worse. At least this car doesn’t look like a Viagra pill on wheels. Nobody wants to see that.

The San Francisco Giants have ended 56 years of tortured hippie fan tears, as they overcame the tyranny of the Texas Rangers and won the first World Series in the West Coast history of the franchise. The Giants topped the Rangers 3-1 in Game 5 to take the Fall Classic 4 games to 1. Tim “The Freak” Lincecum pitched an 8-inning masterpiece, fanning 10 and outdueling Cliff Lee once again, while World Series MVP Edgar Renteria added another clutch hit to his November highlight reel with a 3-run homerun off of Lee that sealed the deal for the Giants. Meanwhile, the Rangers can return to Arlington knowing that they gave us one hell of a story for the ages – Ron Washington’s love of cocaine.

So now as we sit and wait for winter meetings to commence in the beautiful and exotic city of Orlando, Florida, we can discuss where we think Cliff Lee will end up and whether or not the Rangers will have the financial wherewithal to keep the star in Texas, or if Lee will end up in pinstripes as many are predicting. But that’s pretty boring, if you ask me, and I’m a man who can really appreciate a good championship celebration. I guess what I’m saying is – I want to see some rioting, San Francisco.

Flames and criminal mischief after the jump…

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Despite routinely getting a good crowd at home games, the San Francisco Giants have relied on a steady diet of promotional nights to bring in fans. The team’s management must really know their city well, because all of the Dead Heads in the San Francisco area will head on down to AT&T Park Monday for Jerry Garcia Night. Well, not all of the Dead Heads. That’s what we in the medical profession call an epidemic. The promotion is honoring the 15th anniversary of the guitarist’s death, and is guaranteed to be the highest concentration of hippies in baseball history.

All living members of the Grateful Dead will be involved in the day.

The National Anthem will be sung by Bob Weir, Phil Lesh and Jeff Pehrson, while the seventh inning stretch will be played by Mickey Hart and Bill Kreutzmann. As an added bonus, NBA Hall of Famer and notorious “Deadhead” Bill Walton will be in attendance.

Grateful Dead fans paid in between $20 and $50 to sit in a special section of the ballpark. The first 9,000 who bought tickets to the promotion got a Garcia bobblehead, sponsored by Ben & Jerry’s, which of course makes the ice cream flavor Cherry Garcia. –MSNBC

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