In news that Antonio Cromartie and Travis Henry could appreciate, we’re apparently in the middle of International Cloth Diaper Awareness Week, which is a lead-in to Super Duper Hippie Time Earth Day on Sunday. But Saturday is the big day for the diaper dandies, as thousands of mothers and defeated fathers will gather in 302 cities across 16 countries for the Great Cloth Diaper Change. If you need me, I’ll be one town over for the Great Hold Your Nose and Don’t Vomit Party.

Last year, the Great Diaper Change set a Guinness World Record when 5,026 cloth diapers were changed at the exact same time. God, I hope one of those babies was wearing a “Who farted?” shirt. So why the big stink?

“Each year billions of disposable diapers enter landfills where it takes hundreds of years for them to decompose, if ever,” says Heather McNamara, Executive Director of the Real Diaper Association, a nonprofit that advocates for cloth diapers. “Building off the success of last year’s event with 127 locations in five countries, we plan to show the entire world that cloth diapers are a real option for today’s modern families, particularly catching the eye of expecting and new parents who may be seeking more planet-friendly and affordable alternatives to disposable diapers.” (Via Market Watch)

On one hand, we have our beloved environment to think about. On the other hand, a whole lotta baby poop. This is truly our generation’s greatest debate. It’s also just a reason for me to post a picture of a baby from last year’s diaper change because he’s wearing a Wu Tang t-shirt. I wasn’t aware that Danger Guerrero had a child.

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Over the weekend, while we were busy with more important things like Tiger Woods’ knee, Peyton Manning’s jet and Dwight Howard’s flip flops, people were gathering in major cities across the globe to help preserve a better future for our billionaire athletes and us to live in. On Saturday, hipsters galore shed their clothes for the World Naked Bike Ride to raise awareness for various global issues, including oil and fossil fuel dependency, traffic safety and, of course, stone cold nudity.

So what better way for cyclists to tell drivers they’re fed up with being struck and killed in traffic than by risking their droops and sags being caught in spokes and chains? At least that’s what more than 300 people in Peru did, as they brought awareness to the 3,000 cyclists who were killed in Peru in 2009. And all 9 of the New Zealanders who rode for clean air. Come on, New Zealand, you’re better than that.

Anyway, this was one rabbit hole of pictures I was not prepared for. Maybe next year I’ll join in ride to raise awareness that nobody wants to see a bunch of old hippies’ penises. Until then, enjoy some SFW highlights from around the world.

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Over the weekend, dozens of grown adults gathered in Chicago for the 2011 U.S. Air Guitar Championship, and when the smoke settled and the panties moistened, only one man stood triumphant. This year, that man was Justin Howard, a Chicago native who goes by the air guitar stage name Nordic Thunder.

So what does Mr. Thunder think of his epic victory of awesomeness?

“I love having sex – I mean, most people do, it’s a pleasurable thing. But to be on a stage at the Metro, one of the best venues in all of Chicago, in one of the best cities in all the country, it’s ecstasy at its finest.

“I mean, the energy from the crowd that I was receiving and giving back, it’s just a joyous, awesome, amazing – I don’t know how to put it into words.” (Via The Daily Mail)

You don’t have to, sire. You’ve said what we were already thinking – air guitar is better than sex. And if you don’t believe a guy who pretends to play music for a crowd that doesn’t care that he’s not actually playing music, then you need to take it from the rest of the world, because this air guitar business has been global for years. In fact, Nordic Thunder will represent us peasant cynics on August 26 at the World Air Guitar championship.

Beyond that, the people of WOMAD (World of Music, Arts and Dance) are inviting air guitar enthusiasts from all over this rocking globe to join them at the World Music Festival in England this weekend as they attempt to break the Guinness World Record for largest air guitar performance. The current record stands at 1,883. On Sunday, they want to turn the volume up to 1,884.

After the jump, you can check out the highlights from this year’s U.S. Air Guitar Championship and last year’s World Championship. Girls, try to refrain from throwing your panties at your monitor.

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If it’s not obvious by now, I’m quite fond of the more ridiculous “sports” and games that don’t quite count as professional, or even amateur… hell, sometimes they’re not even sports. Regardless, I’m a sucker for goofball competitive events, and those lovable hippies and hipsters in San Francisco hosted the 5th* annual Bring Your Own Big Wheel event, which included safe Easter** fun for the kids and adults alike. The event required participants to, obviously, bring their own Big Wheels. It’s not rocket science.

After the race, the hippies even got to take part in two of their favorite pastimes – cleaning up and helping people (all working Big Wheels were donated to the local fire department to be distributed to children). It was a win-win-win event apparently. It was also an inspiration for my new annual charity event, Bring Your Own Pogo Ball, which will benefit my love for watching large-breasted women bounce.

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Last time we heard from Grandpa Munster lookalike Frank Deford, he was writing and blabbing for NPR about how trick plays are child abuse. Well that pales in comparison to his latest diatribe on behalf of his friend… The Duchess. Seriously, DeFord, call Kenny Loggins, because you’re in the Danger Zone.

Deford and his Duchess claim that Major League Baseball players lack etiquette in comparison to their other professional counterparts in the NFL, NBA and NHL because teams don’t shake hands after baseball games are complete. Instead, those ruffian ne’er-do-wells choose only to shake the hands of their teammates, a clear affront to all that is civil and non-bestial. Seriously, if Deford doesn’t own a collection of antique monocles given to him by famous cricket players, I will eat my own soiled dickey.

Set your DeLorian to 1907, Mr. Deford…

The Duchess concluded her letter to me, noting how especially curious it was, that while baseball players do not congratulate each other after the game, they’re quite convivial during the game. If a batter hits a double, he’ll be sure to pass the time of day with the opposition shortstop or second baseman.

Afterward, though, it’s only the winners who come out on the field and fist-bump each other.

“I wish the losers would at least tip their hats to their conquerors,” The Duchess concluded. “There is no reason why baseball players can’t be gentlemen, like others of the sporting persuasion.”

Yeah, why can’t Derek Jeter take his d*ck out of a supermodel long enough to wish Luke Scott luck with his conspiracy theories? I mean, it’s not like baseball players don’t spend two hours before each game shooting the sh*t with their opponents during batting practice. But yeah, it’d be nice to see more baseball players acting cordial. Perhaps they should just start postgame daisychains. Jump on in, fans! It’s a Major League mouth orgy.

We’ve finally found a shoe worse than Dwyane Wade’s, and you’ll never believe it, but it’s made for women. It’s officially called, if I can read the card here, the “Grey Ant x Teva Stiletto,” available in both black and natural colors, and it’s the perfect accessory to sexy up a woman that never shaves her legs.

It’s the classic Teva® Hurricane sport “mandal” re-imagined as a STILETTO. This co-branded effort sees Grey Ant marrying the Teva® velcro-strap styling and grip-sole construction to a bold 4″ stacked heel. They’re calling it the most comfortable, performance high heel on the planet — we call it the most daring mash-up of the decade. This is anti-fashion at its purest. And so good when paired with socks.

via The Daily What.

Oh, I forgot the best part: they’re only $330! Why settle for one pair when you can get three, four, or even five! Ugh. It’s the socks that really ruin it for me. Nothing kills an environmentally-conscious chub like socks.