When I was in high school, our basketball games and assemblies began with our principal delivering a dry speech about school spirit and sportsmanship, followed by our sub-par cheerleaders making vague “woo” gestures while a bunch of gangly jerks tried to dribble from the entrance to center-court without losing it or hurting themselves. In Florida, high school basketball games begin with TRAMPOLINE DUNKS OVER FIRE. Because Florida.

This clip (by way of Prep Rally, by way of MaxPreps) features Monsignor Edward Pace High School kicking off a consequence-free regular-season game by asking somebody to propel themselves through a pillar of flame. It’s the exact kind of thing that inspires and leads a team to … a 9-20 record?

Who knows? Maybe they spent their athletic budget on a trampoline and a flame thrower. Maybe their coach is just a crazy dude with a book of matches. That seems like the escalation of a joke, but nope, it’s Florida. If the team ran out after this engulfed in flame like in that one ‘Wax’ video I wouldn’t be surprised.

Photo credit: Antioch Police Department

On Wendesday, we shared with you the story of a Catholic high school baseball coach who pretended to be a lady on Facebook to get naked pictures of his players. Now, according to U.S. law, here is a thing that is basically the same: an Illinois high school special-education teacher got caught smoking pot under the bleachers during a sectional wrestling tournament.

Can we call that “Potfishing?”

As [Peter] Mulloy lit up his “one-hit” pipe, however, an off-duty police officer sitting in the stands smelled the strong scent of marijuana and went to investigate.

Beneath the spectators, the officer found Mulloy smoking weed and confronted him before calling police in Antioch, the Chicago Tribune reported. (via NY Daily News)

The 50-year old Mulloy (who clearly understood the best way to enjoy sectionals … ask anybody who’s seen an episode of ‘Glee’) was arrested and charged with “possession of cannabis and possession of drug equipment” and released on a massive $120 bail.

He goes back to court in March. Pete, if you’re googling your name with your head in your hands and come across this, I’d like to suggest the following excuse: “Your Honor, I was depressed about the International Olympic Committee removing amateur wrestling from the 2020 Olympic Games, and the beauty of this local Illinois wrestling tournament combined with the hopelessness of these kids’ sports futures gave me great anxiety. Also, I was using the one-hit pipe for tobacco, like Miley Cyrus and literally everyone else ever who has been caught with a pipe or bong.”

If that doesn’t work, enjoy your lifetime in prison, because we are super weird about drugs.

[h/t to Vince]

A high school goalie scores on himself, salutes his coaches, flips everybody off and bails. It works even better out of context. (via Puck Daddy)

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UPROXX Video: A Five-Second Films Compilation Reminder That LOVE SUCKS |UPROXX|

15 Life Lessons Learned In Valentine’s Day Episodes |Warming Glow|

Kai the Hitchhiker got that surfboard and wetsuit he wanted |Film Drunk|

Michelle Jenneke Made A Swimsuit Video For Sports Illustrated |With Leather|

The Hobbit Hole Cat Litter Box Is Too Precious For Words |Gamma Squad|

10 Ice Cube Songs Everyone Should Know |Smoking Section|

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I really enjoyed watching this commercial for a Michigan-area high school hockey game between schools Clarkston and Lake Orion, but I can’t settle on a reason why. What I have so far includes:

1. As a Washington Capitals fan, the NHL is basically the saddest thing to me ever right now, and I have to remember that I like the sport whether or not it’s crushing my will to live.

2. Watching children get hurt is always fun, especially if they’re high schoolers.

3. You could set anything to ‘The Hockey Song’ by Stompin’ Tom and it’d be enjoyable.

But yeah, I live in central Texas and even I’m considering trying to make it up for this. If you live in Michigan, hit it up and demand the same amount of entertainment as presented in the commercial. If kids aren’t being attacked by hockey guys and blasted in the head with soda cans, it’s just a hop, skip and a jump to total satisfaction.

[via IASID]

We don’t cover women’s basketball a lot at With Leather — even when we approach it professionally, it opens to the door for way too many PRETTY GOOD BASKETBALL PLAYING FROM THE KITCHEN comments, which are more or less the asshole of popular opinion — but this is too good not to share.

A player for Lafayette, Indiana’s McCutcheon High School Mavericks tried to save a ball from going out of bounds and ended up draining an improbable, impossible-outside-of-trickshot-videos three.

Gabrielle Gary of the McCutcheon Mavericks hits an improbable shot trying to save a loose ball. She went on to lead the team with 7 3-pointers on the night and a career high 24 points to win 56-36 against the Lafayette Jeff Bronchos. Pete Gascho and Dan Morrison on the call.

Big thanks to the folks at Bob’s Blitz (Bob?) for giving us the heads up on this. In her next game, Gabrielle should try standing in the rafters and trying to bounce the ball into a trashcan.

Here are the best high school basketball dunks and plays of the year. The video is even better when you remember that when I was in high school, I couldn’t run 10 feet without falling down. It’s even better when you remember that I can’t run 10 feet without falling down now. High school is probably awesome for some people, huh? (via Cosby Sweaters)

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Links

The 12-ish Best Films of 2012 |Film Drunk|

How Every Character On ‘Game Of Thrones’ Is Known Colloquially |UPROXX|

This Photoshop Of Alison Brie As Captain America Wins Everything |Warming Glow|

GQ Sent A Reporter To Hang Out With Female Raider Fans, And I’m In Love |With Leather|

A Compendium Of Cool Comics Cosplay: Best Of 2012 |Gamma Squad|

The 2012 Finale: 112 Unforgettable Songs We Enjoyed |Smoking Section|

Jay-Z Is Doing The Score For ‘The Great Gatsby’, Apparently |UPROXX|

The 2012 Least Bowl Roster |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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