Previous ‘Sports On TV’ columns (for ‘Saved By The Bell’ and ‘Full House’) have been fun to write but a pain to suffer through for research, because seriously, have you tried watching an 8th season episode of ‘Full House’ in 2012? Those columns sorta celebrate the badness of sports on TV, and how they get shoehorned in when people run out of love triangles and job jokes don’t have anything to write about.

So it’s with great pride that I present the third ‘Sports On TV’ effort, celebrating the 25 best sports moments from one of the best and most under-appreciated animated comedies ever made, FOX’s ‘King Of The Hill’. If you haven’t seen it before or just flip past it when you’re looking for ‘Squidbillies’ episodes on Adult Swim, the show’s entire 13-season run is available on Netflix streaming and is one of the best ways to spend 130-ish hours. What made the sports on ‘King Of The Hill’ great is that they aren’t accessories to the action … they’re focal points, important or not, just like in real life.

I’m lucky to have some great guest columnists this week, so I hope you enjoy the list. And yeah, there are at least 40 other moments we could’ve included here, so consider this part 1 of an eventual 50 Greatest Sports Moments Of ‘King Of The Hill’. We’ll loop back around when I realize Golden Girls didn’t have 20 sports moments on it.

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"I SAID ONLY FRUIT PUNCH GATORADE!"

As the fan of a perennially underachieving middle tier college football team, I’ve long since accepted the pains of the reality that my school will never be at the top of any 5-star high school recruits’ lists. However, that could eventually change with the BCS possibly doing away with the automatic qualifier status for select conferences in 2014, and now it could especially change since high school seniors apparently value their jersey numbers more than the opportunity to play for free educations and the attention of the NFL.

The country’s top high school players get to spend a week in San Antonio as part of the perks of being selected for the All-American Bowl on Jan. 8, but as Rivals’ Tom Bergeron points out, some of these kids are just skipping the entire process by taking their attitudes straight to the NFL.

Kevon Seymour of Pasadena (Calif.) Muir was annoyed he had No. 41 instead of his preferred No. 1. And Seymour willingly admits he’ll look at the rosters of potential colleges to see if No. 1 is available. If it’s not, the school’s chances of landing him diminish.

One was visibly upset.

Mike Davis of Stone Mountain (Ga.) Stephenson made such a fuss about his assigned No. 16 that he was given a new number (14), making him the only player without his name on his jersey. But that didn’t help – neither was the No. 28 he wanted.

Seymour has offers from just about every school on the left coast – namely USC and Oregon – as well as Florida and Nebraska, and interest from Notre Dame. Basically what he’s saying, though, is that if his choice comes down to USC and Oregon, he’s going to pick the Trojans, not because they’re primed to make a BCS Championship run this year, but because they have the No. 1 jersey available and Oregon doesn’t.

Whatever happened to the good old days when guys just picked 69 because it’s hilarious?

What you need to know:

BB&N Knights vs. St Sebs football game was played at Harvard Coliseum. This catch was the last score of the game for the Knights and allowed them to win (31-28). Caught by Chad Kohler follow me on twitter @ChadBrah

I love the addition of “I filmed this, my Twitter handle has ‘brah’ in it, follow me”. Anyway, what you need to look and listen for:

- 0:07-0:08 – #3 for St. Sebastian’s (how funny is it that you’d abbreviate a saint’s name to call them St. Sebs) contributes almost nothing to the play, lightly shoves the receiver to the ground and starts pumping his fists and going WOO~!.

- 0:09-0:12 – Touchdown is called, and #3 instantly turns into Troy Barnes from ‘Community’. I can’t make out exactly what he’s saying here, but it sounds like “NO, ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME, BULLsh*t!” Him turning to the camera and gesturing like he’s upset about missing the Soul Train awards is the best part.

- 0:14-0:20 – It’s probably someone in the crowd making noise, but the way it’s filmed makes it look like the guy who caught the ball is jumping up and down yelling like Howard Dean. I can’t even assign an onomatopoeia to a scream like that. It’s like “YES! YESSSS! WOOOOO” from the mouth of a condor.

- 0:24-0:26 – “That’s why you work hard right there! That’s why you work hard!” Not sure if he’s talking about accidentally catching a touchdown pass, or just walking backwards slowly with your head up and hoping for the best instead of jumping or actively trying to catch the ball.

[h/t Prep Rally]

What you need to know:

Golf cart mows down everyone in sight after a high school football game in Cowboys Stadium on December 17, 2011

What to look out for:

- A golf cart coming to life and trying to murder you a la Maximum Overdrive.

- 0:17-0:22 – A guy getting knocked ass over head and losing both of his shoes in the process.

- 0:20-0:26 – A guy getting knocked onto the cart, but being able to do nothing but helplessly touch the wheel for a few seconds before bailing out and rolling like the cart is about to explode or go sailing off the edge of a cliff.

- 0:19-0:29 – The only person in Texas fast enough and possessing enough mental prowess under pressure to sprint after a golf cart, climb into it and put his foot on the brake.

- 0:32-1:29 – Representatives of Texas high school football selling being bumped by a golf cart like they’ve been shot by a sniper.

- 0:00-0:16 – Is Trey Williams a real person, because he looks like a created guy in Madden.

[via Buzzfeed]

A few in-house links, to start

- Like us on Facebook! We have a human (me) updating it now, so no more robot copy-pasta.
- Follow us on Twitter so you never miss an update.
- Follow me on Twitter, because I’m 20 followers away from 1,000 and need your validation.

Now, on to Taylor Swift looking surprised when she isn’t even surprised.

Links

Arrested Development Cast Reuniting for 10 More Shows & A Movie (No, Seriously This Time) - Six seasons and a movie! [Film Drunk]

Arrested Development Returns And The Internet Rejoices - If your friend says meh and thinks this won’t “live up” to the original series, tell him to appreciate it when he gets wonderful magical presents from God. I don’t care if this is just deleted scenes in a montage, I’m all over it. [UPROXX]

The Best Of #Entertainment 720 - Aw Snapple, are we calling everybody baby, now? [UPROXX]

Taylor Swift Performs With T.I. & Usher In Atlanta - Sorta like when Nelly recorded a song with Tim McGraw, but for teenagers instead of old people. [Smoking Section]

Life After Death: Cassettes Are Making A Indie Comeback - Hopefully cassingles will make a comeback, too, and I can finally unload this Poison “Unskinny Bop” cassingle I’ve been hoarding since like 1989. [Smoking Section]

Kenan Thompson Is Marrying This. - AW HERE IT GO. Ah well, the guy has had a sustainable comedy career for almost two decades, was a Mighty Duck and was in Good Burger. He deserves it. [Warming Glow]

Pie-Humper’s Wife Bought Him A Beej From A Hooker - Best/saddest line: “The most exciting part of the day was Keisha complimenting me on my blowjob skills. I love approval of any kind.” [Film Drunk]

Little Kid’s Reaction To Darth Vader Being Luke’s Father - Now let’s see his reaction to making the car lights come on using only The Force. [Gamma Squad]

5 Most Insane iPhone 5 Rumors - It will do your dishes! It can command your dog from over five miles away! It can sprout legs and attack you on the moon! YOU MUST HAVE IPHONE 5. [Buzzfeed]

High School Football Player Quits Team to Become Cheerleader - Good for him! I quit my high school football team to concentrate on my studies, and because I was terrible at football and shouldn’t have been on the football team. [Brobible]

The 20 Most Successful Christian-Themed Films of All Time - Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland counts, as it contained Christian themes like killing a dragon with a jumping sword slash and dancing so excitedly your head spins around. [Pajiba]

Taking the Sports-o-sphere by storm today is this video from a Connecticut high school football game between Hillhouse and North Haven. Down 19-7 in the third, North Haven QB Jalon White decides that the best time to throw a desperation touchdown pass is while parallel to and about an inch from the ground. The ball goes straight up and out of view (like the basketball in a sitcom when Eddie Winslow or Betty White or whoever has to swoosh it from half court), then falls straight back down into the hands of wide receiver Joe Burr, who just sorta turns around and ambles into the endzone for the TD. North Haven came back to win the game 21-19, proving once again that puttin’ yerself out there and bein’ fearless is important, no matter how fundamentally terrifying what you’re doing is.

This was the season opener for both teams, and now they’ve got to pull something viral in every game. Hopefully not in the Michael Vick way.

The real star of the video has to be the commentary, which introduces “there’s no way!” and reiterates it until you’re brainwashed and seeing “yo” every time you close your eyes. OH! AIN’T NO WAY, AIN’T NO WAY YO. AIN’T NO WAY. And so on, yo. But can you blame him? He might’ve just seen the best, worst play in high school football history.

[h/t Sportress of Blogitude, et al.]