You’d be right to presume that sports drinks have so many more calories than water or juice, but at least the bottles are sealed whenever you get them. One California woman might be making the switch after an episode at work has left a bitter taste in her mouth.

The woman, who worked for a financial company in Newport Beach, had one of those “I look like I go hiking but I obviously hate the outdoors” kind of water bottles that she kept on her desk, and was fine…until Michael Lallana of Fullerton, 32, decided to…uh…oh, just go to the blockquote:

Lallana admitted in a taped interview submitted to jurors that he ejaculated into an “attractive” co-worker’s water bottle because “her lips had touched it,” but told detectives he never thought she would drink it.

“It was the closest I could ever get to someone as good looking as that without tampering with my marriage or hurting anyone,” Lallana said in the interview with Orange Police Department detectives in explaining why he ejaculated into the woman’s water bottle twice last year.

More marriages in California would work themselves out if husbands spent more time flogging the dolphin into their co-workers’ water bottles. And it’s not like she’s all that hot. Keep in mind that this is California, and California Hot is worlds away from, say, Des Moines Hot.

But if you haven’t already thrown up in your own mouth, there’s more. Read the rest of this entry »

Ben Rhodes and Steve Morrison will be sailing for England in the Olympics, but the IOC has nixed the name of their boat: "Jackie Big Tits," a reference to the song by the Kooks.  Rhodes and Morrison, who have a history of naming their boats after songs and musicians, handled the setback in stride.

[W]ith Olympic bigwigs sticking their oar in, Stevie and Ben have no choice but to give up their Big T**s. They will now compete under the banner Little Miss Pipedream, after THE WOMBATS’ track.

What a bunch of pussies, changing the name just so they can participate in the stupid Olympics.  I would've been all, "Sure, sure, we'll change it."  Then on race day, BAM!  Blowjob Betty.

[This Suit Is Not Black]