Fuel’s Ultimate Answers segment (which I’ll pretend is entirely written and organized by Brittney Palmer) asked a bunch of UFC fighters which superhero they would be. Some of the answers are surprisingly nerdy — Rashad Evans earns endless cool points from me for wanting to be Nightcrawler, and Demetrious Johnson has a pretty solid understanding of how the Green Lantern’s ring works — but some are just straight-up meathead terrible, like Donald Cerrone saying he wants to be “The Invisible Man” (direct quote: “OM BE VISIBLE MAN”).

The funniest offense is from Brodus Clay Tito ORTIZ, who says he wants to be “Beastman” from the X-Men because of his intelligence. As YouTube user Kevin Hall points out, “he’s actually called Beast, so there goes your intelligence.” I like to think that Tito got the name right and instead got the TEAM wrong, and really just wants to be Beastman from ‘He-Man and the Masters of the Universe’. “I wanna be a big orange guy who looks kinda scary, but sucks and never accomplishes anything, and is less effective a henchman than the guy with a robot mouth and a mer-man in a breastplate!” Jenna Jameson could be either of those two.

Oh, and before I forget, f**k BJ Penn for wanting to be Superman because he’s “better than all the other superheroes”. If I get to pick, I’m being Captain Marvel, so I can kick BJ Penn’s ass.

[h/t to Jessica @ Leg Kick TKO]

The Tumblr page The NBA Dribbled Out posted the above image that recently showed up in Reddit’s NBA thread, so I will let the author of that site describe it:

Someone uploaded this picture of a painting, which they claimed to have found in an ice cream parlor. In case you were wondering, that’s Larry Bird enjoying a milkshake while sitting with Skeletor, the arch-enemy of He-Man. Skeletor appears to be enjoying a cigarette instead of a delicious lactose treat. I love milkshakes and Larry Bird, but I also enjoy a smoke every now and then, so this picture was begging to be blogged about.

This painting is incredible, so I want to break this down into many talking points.

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Now let’s skip to the time when I was fifteen. Shaq is in the house… no, Shaq is on the scene! Now my name’s in papers, girls caught the vapors, kids look up to me like a skyscraper. Now, a role model… I mean a role figure. Then I ask myself, “can I get any bigger?”

My dream is coming through, but coming through slowly. Then I remember what Mom and Dad told me: “Remember this, son, do all the runs. Shoot your gift like a gun and never forget where you come from. You’re young, gifted, and black. If they can’t say Shaquille O’Neal then make ‘em scream, ‘Shaq!’”

- Author Unknown (but outstanding)

Sports

LSU To Honor Shaq with a Life-Sized Bronze Statue on Campus - Thank goodness somebody is finally honoring poor Shaquille O’Neal. I hope the statue reads “in honor of a man who became seven feet tall when he was twelve.” [Hoop Doctors]

REWIND: Top 10 Ugliest Mistresses - Shaq’s in here, too. Inspired by “I can’t believe Arnold Schwarzenegger had sex with someone-Gate,” take a look back at some of sports’ (and not sports’) least attractive Other Women. I one day hope to become a successful millionaire and try to secretly sleep with the same ugly women who’d want to secretly sleep with me now. [Urban Daily]

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