And morning links. Man, this guy loves trouble.

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Links

Official FilmDrunk Oscars Open Thread - When Viola Davis isn’t awarded for acting but an Oscar goes to the MM MMS I LUBS ME SOME FRIED CHICKEN GURRRL monologue from The Help, you know something’s wrong. [Film Drunk]

The 10 Greatest Oscar Travesties Since 1941 - Number one all time: Jurassic Park not winning Best Picture against literally anything they could put up against it. [Buzzfeed]

HBO’s 10 Greatest Musical Moments - Numbers one through ten: that DA DA DAAAAAA music that plays while the HBO logo from the 80s flies through space. [Warming Glow]

Creature Gear — 6 Pieces of Technology We Should Give to Zoo Animals - I want to stay away from any real life we3 situations that involve me being murdered by something yelling GUD DOG at me. [Gamma Squad]

Meme Watch: The Captain Kitteh Jokes Sail Full Speed Ahead - There needs to be a Delta version where you have to suddenly wait six hours between Captain Kitteh pictures because they still think booking flights on the Internet is make believe. [UPROXX]

The 10 Best GIFs From Thursday Night Television - |UPROXX|

DMX Had A Unique Hennessey Diet While Filming Belly - You aren’t going to care, but I’ve been mad at Belly for like 15 years for getting T-Boz from TLC naked in a movie and filming her in pitch blackness. [Smoking Section]

Review: Wanderlust - “Did not feature T-Boz from TLC nude. Would not watch again.” [Film Drunk]

Pamela Anderson proudly displays Spring’s latest look – eyebrows painted on a snare drum - If I was God, the first thing I’d do is get rid of airplane turbulence. The second thing I’d do is time displace ‘Home Improvement’-era Pam Anderson forever. [FARK]

Man Tests Bulletproof Vest By Shooting Himself [NSFW] - Alternate headline: “Man is total goober, earns place in next 10 editions of Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader”. [The FW]

That Really Awkward Photo That Made Brad Pitt Look Like David Spade - That makes Angelina Jolie that illogically hot girl you always find out is banging David Spade, I guess. [Pajiba]

If All the Avengers Posed Like Black Widow - Pro wrestling gets a lot of sh*t for latent homosexuality, but man, it ain’t got nothin’ on comic books. [Unreality]

Samuel L. Jackson x Melody Sheep – Go The F**k To Sleep - New career goal: have someone type “Brandon Stroud x Melody Sheep – Go The F**k To Sleep” about something I’ve done. [High Definite]

That is Don Mattingly, right?

Links

Daniel Day-Lewis Is Method Acting The Hell Out Of Abe Lincoln - That’s not Daniel Day-Lewis, Bill and Ted just left the real Abe Lincoln alone at the mall again. [Film Drunk]

Community Credits x Parks & Recreation - This isn’t that great, really, but I can’t stop watching it. Ken Jeong aside, I want to kiss every person in this cast on the mouth. [NextRound]

A Gallery of Pitch Perfect Daria Cosplay - Holy crap, cosplay Jane from Daria #cangetit. Somebody give that girl my phone number, and the licensing rights to popular songs from the 90s. [Unreality]

Is It OK to NOT Love ‘The Muppets’? - No, stupid. [Moviefone]

Expert: Coming Apple-Designed TV Will Blow Your Freakin’ Mind, Man! - There’s so much Apple stuff in my house I have an iPad on the back of my toilet used exclusively to play Angry Birds while I take a dump. Not looking forward to having to buy this. [UPROXX]

Sexy Rumor: HBO Already Preparing Two More Seasons of ‘Game of Thrones’ - Book spoilers: Lord G’Nort travels to the great Maldavia and stabs Jahara. I don’t know, but that sounds right. [Warming Glow]

St. Petersburg Tops List As America’s Saddest City - Somebody’s never been to Detroit! [Smoking Section]

Five Video Game Series That Never Need to be Reviewed Again - “Madden Football”. [Gamma Squad]

How I Play Call of Duty by xoxoDumpTruckoxox - I always go to xoxoDumpTruckoxox for instructional videos. [Adult Swim]

William Shatner Fires A Photon Torpedo At Carrie Fisher - I wrote fan fic with this title, but it was way more graphic. This is just William Shatner talking. [FARK]

Watch a Nerdy White Boy CRUSH a Rap About Pancakes Set to ‘Look at Me Now’ - CHET HAZE! WE COMIN’ FA YOU, N***A! [BroBible]

“How I Met Your Mother’s” Ted is Kind of a Douche - Also, “How I Met Your Mother’s” Every Other Character is kind of a douche. Why is that guy taking a decade to tell his kids one story? [Pajiba]

Boomshakalaka! The nail in the coffin?

Sports

The NBA Finals: 10 Points To Watch - Point one, how many nicknames for Dirk Notwitzki can you come up with while watching? Sports writers can come up with INFINITY. Point two, when writing a recap of the games, how many times can you point out that the Heat seem like nice guys, even though they’re being portrayed as the league’s villains? [Smoking Section]

World’s First BMX Triple Backflip - Witness a first for action sports. Of course, saying “action sports” is like saying “jump diving,” but this is pretty cool. I think BMX clips, win or fail, are 90% people going AOOHHHHH. [Buzzfeed]

Dad Drops His Daughter to Catch Foul Ball - We would’ve covered this on Monday, but if you haven’t seen it yet, watch as this dumb jerk completely sacrifices his kid to go for a foul ball. Maybe this is one kid that won’t grow up yelling BALL, BALL, BALL, BALL, BALL at players during games. [Fark]

Productive Outs - A baseball blog. I call them Baseblogs™! And I’m totally not linking it here just because they’ve got an interview with me going up in a couple of hours. Nope! [ProductiveOuts]

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In case you didn’t watch “24/7 Penguins/Capitals: Road to the Winter Classic,” WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOU? Described as “Hard Knocks” for the NHL, the show that aired on HBO was a great look in the locker rooms anyone with any mild interest in hockey. Bruce Boudreau was the most flustered, profane, ill-tempered short fat guy, and I loved every minute of it.

So HBO has taken on the NFL with “Hard Knocks” and the NHL with that really long title I’m not writing again? What’s next? Did you say the MLB? GET OUT OF MY HEAD

Yes, there will be tons of close-up shots of dudes itching their crotch, New York Times:

The template would be the same if other sports followed the N.H.L.’s example: an all-access look at a short part of the season that leads to a climax. The Winter Classic — which is played outdoors — is a contrived but spectacular concluding point during the season, something that other leagues don’t quite have. Greenburg said he had been examining how to highlight rivalries in other sports that would give the series a beginning, middle and end.
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