Last August, we were introduced to a 12-year old boy named Nathan, who had already fulfilled the dream of most professional athletes by appearing in his very own Nike commercial. However, the theme of the commercial brought the guy a little more attention than he had expected, because he hadn’t taken into account that people on the Internet will fight about anything. Politics? Fight. Kate Upton? Fight. The Doritos Loco taco is better than the Volcano taco? You bet your ass that’s a fight.

The fight around Nathan, though, had several faces, including those who thought that Nike was simply exploiting an overweight boy for its “Find Your Greatness” campaign, those who think Nathan’s story was inspiring and wanted to encourage him, and those who just have really tiny penises and wanted to prove it by calling a kid fat. So how did this all play out for Nathan? Let’s check in with London, Ohio’s most famous son.

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On Friday night, the Miami Heat laid a 22-point drubbing on the Detroit Pistons, and that’s not news because we expect the Heat to beat a 10th place team by more than 110-88 every single time. What is news, though, is that I think we just heard the dying breaths and gasps for relevance of the remaining people who really, really hate LeBron James.

I’m not naïve enough to believe that there aren’t people who still hate the self-proclaimed King, but after his random act of awesomeness during Friday night’s halftime routine at the American Airlines Arena, it’s kind of hard to not at least like the guy. In case you haven’t already watched it 20 times, a fan was brought to the half court line for a chance to win $75,000, and he put up one of the most atrocious hook shots that we’ve ever seen.

But science be damned, the ball went in, that fan won himself a giant check and James rushed him from the bench and tackled him to the ground in celebration.

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I love living in the future.

The forward-thinkers at ASB have created GlassFloor, a multi-purpose sports court that can change its lines and adapt with the push of a button. Want to play handball? Boom. Volleyball? Basketball? Additional boom. Want to play half basketball, half badminton? I don’t know why you’d want to do that, but it can do that.

The properties of glass allow for more than just an optimized floor surface. LED marking lines can be switched on/off or changed on demand. Originally designed for the sport of squash where portable All-Glass-Courts are erected in all types of locations, like city centres, in front of the pyramids or in shopping centres. The floor is suitable for indoor and outdoor use.

The one way translucence of the floor allows a whole new range of possibilities. LED lines or screens can be seen through the floor but when but when not illuminated, they are invisible. The floor is very long lasting and sustainable.

The Internet, as you may have guessed, has a problem with this. It has ALL THE PROBLEMS with this. Presented below are just a selection of the gripes YouTubers have found with ASB GlassFloor, and sadly none of them are “we’re gonna come down from a dunk and break the glass floor and fall into oblivion.”

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After I woke up this morning and did a few thousand pushups, I checked my email to find two variations of this joke:

Andrew Luck and RG3 walk into a bar… to watch Russell Wilson play the Atlanta Falcons in the Divisional Round of the playoffs.

The other variation involved the Pope and Raquel Welch in a dhingy, but that’s irrelevant. The point is that people are enjoying the fact that the Indianapolis Colts, who famously Sucked for Luck, and the Washington Redskins, who mortgaged their draft future for Robert Griffin III, are out of the playoffs and the Seattle Seahawks, who took a chance on Russell Wilson in the 3rd round, are still alive. Because it’s not like 2/3 of NFL fans wouldn’t at least consider chopping a finger off to have Luck or RG3 as a QB right now.

Even stranger, though, is that so many fans – or perhaps “anti-Redskins” is more appropriate – rejoiced in RG3’s knee injury last night. Again, maybe it was just the fact that it meant that the Redskins were screwed, but there have been very few athletes over the years who I could have imagined feeling jubilation over their pain. Especially not someone as likable as RG3. But here we are, the morning after, stepping over the lifeless bodies of the men and women who overdosed on joy at another’s expense.

Of course, that means there were memes galore last night, what with this Internet being such a horrible place and all. But if they mocked Derrick Rose and Manny Pacquiao, you could be sure that the RG3 mockery was coming.

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Presumably running from the hatred of the Internet.

I’d be hard-pressed to argue with anyone who claims that Nike consistently produces the best TV commercials. In an era of Shannen Doherty pitching online educations and sh*t-grinned cock rockers singing about credit report scams, it’s hard for any company with unlimited wealth to not hire the best minds in advertising and put together entertaining ads. But thanks to those Education Connection atrocities and Certain Dri’s random sweaty girls, almost every Nike ad comes across as Citizen Kane.

The latest Swoosh campaign is called “Find Your Greatness” and the commercial that has everyone buzzing features a 12-year old boy named Nathan, who lives in London, Ohio. Nathan is an overweight American kid, but Nike wants you to know – thanks to a beautiful narrative by Tom Hardy – that he’s seeking his own greatness. Basically, he’s strapped on his Nikes and is hitting the road to shed those pounds and be better than everyone else.

People mostly LOVE this commercial. As a once fat 12-year old, I think it’s awesome, too. Granted, most Nike ads make me laugh because they come across like that scene in What Women Want, but if they inspire people, then bless ‘em. Unfortunately, they inspired people to do a little more than just go out and run. Some of YouTube’s finest commenters have been giving their fingers one hell of a workout, too.

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"And all he wanted to talk about was where I got my underwear."

The fun of any Olympics is political subplots, as politicians, special interest groups, and various mouth-breathing hate mongers can use the global focus of this gathering of the world’s greatest athletes as a chance to draw attention to themselves. One of the issues that has people fired up leading into the London games is the inclusion of nations that enforce laws that discriminate against gays and lesbians, and many people think that those countries should be banned, while others think they shouldn’t. And while the argument is important, it’s probably rather unfair and distracting to the openly gay athletes who are competing in this year’s Olympics.

But since I hate politics and giving credence to those who discriminate, let’s talk about the lighter side of Olympic homosexuality, as it was believed this week that all of the gay that was descending upon London had crashed the gay singles app Grindr. Of course, that had some people (who I won’t name) freaking out because they thought this was the surest sign of the pending gaypocalypse. Turns out they were wrong. And stupid.

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