wait what the f**k is going on

Writing about Alex Karras in today’s Sports On TV: Archer’s 15 Greatest Sports Moments sent me down a YouTube rabbit hole, and I cannot believe what I found.

If you’re like me, you know George Plimpton best from Ken Burns’ Baseball and from that one episode of ‘The Simpsons’ where he tries to talk Lisa into throwing a spelling bee for a college scholarship and a hot plate (“it’s perfect for soup!”). In the 1950s and 60s, Plimpton was a prolific sportswriter and author whose schtick was signing up to participate in pro sports without any training or know-how, then writing about his experience. He boxed with Sugar Ray Robinson, stood in net for the Boston Bruins, pitched in a post-season exhibition game at Yankee Stadium under coach Mickey Mantle and attended preseason training as a backup quarterback for the Detroit Lions. These moments were shared in beautifully-written books or in the pages of Sports Illustrated.

Also one time he learned pro wrestling against the dad from ‘Webster’ dressed like a caveman lion. That was … uh, not written about beautifully.

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I try very, very hard to keep my ears away from today’s pop music, because autotuning is like Fran Drescher scraping her teeth across a chalkboard to me. So when some girl named Carly Rae Jepsen became an overnight sensation with a song called “Call Me Maybe” I was determined to avoid it as well, because people kept Tweeting about how catchy it was despite being terrible. Then I attended two weddings this weekend and that was shot to hell, because I think I heard it roughly a dozen times.

With that plan destroyed, I figured it was time to check out that Harvard baseball video that has racked up 8 million views on YouTube over the past few weeks. In case you’re unfamiliar – and if you are, you deserve a Purple Heart – the Harvard boys performed a little choreographed dance routine in their team van and the Internet went apesh*t for it. Admittedly, it was inspired, despite the song being cookie cutter, assembly line pop regurgitation.

Sadly, I didn’t watch my step as I turned away, and I fell into a terrible YouTube wormhole of “response” and “tribute” videos to the Crimson, and by response and tribute videos I mean terrible, blatant rip-offs. Apparently some other sports teams saw Harvard’s unique performance and successful viral video as a glove-drop and they all tried to out-do it. You know, by doing the same freaking thing.

After the jump, take a leap into the wormhole with me and watch how a meme is born and then slaughtered in a matter of days.

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Cornell defeated Harvard 86-53 yesterday to claim their first Ivy League Championship since 1988. I suppose this makes sense because given a choice of Crayola crayons, Big Red is certainly more useful than Crimson. Plus, the lads from Cambridge can't shoot:

Harvard, which shot 15-for-62 overall, didn't hit a field goal in the last 4½ minutes of the half and nearly the first six minutes of the second half.

Hey Harvard, do you like apples? Well, if you had 62 apples, but only could get 15 of them into your barrel, you'd only 24.2% of your original total. How do ya like those apples? It's funny because Matt Damon said it.

Meanwhile in the ACC, Mike Krzyzewski earned his 800th victory as Duke rallied from as many as 13 points down to beat NC State 87-86. Good for him, maybe he'll consider returning to his hometown to coach some different azure imps. North Carolina also rallied from a large deficit, 18 points, to best Boston College 90-80. Tyrese Rice went 14 for 25 and scored 46 points, the most by a BC cager since 1964, proving that some college ballers in the Boston area can actually shoot the rock.

In other exciting games, Marquette squandered an 11-point lead and lost the battle of Jesuit schools to Georgetown in OT. Undoubtedly the Lord rigged the game to test the endurance of the future foot soldiers of the Pope. The Lord's always rigging games, or at least that's the explanation I'll use when my bookie asks about my financial misjudgment concerning the upset in Lubbock. -KD