wait what the f**k is going on

Writing about Alex Karras in today’s Sports On TV: Archer’s 15 Greatest Sports Moments sent me down a YouTube rabbit hole, and I cannot believe what I found.

If you’re like me, you know George Plimpton best from Ken Burns’ Baseball and from that one episode of ‘The Simpsons’ where he tries to talk Lisa into throwing a spelling bee for a college scholarship and a hot plate (“it’s perfect for soup!”). In the 1950s and 60s, Plimpton was a prolific sportswriter and author whose schtick was signing up to participate in pro sports without any training or know-how, then writing about his experience. He boxed with Sugar Ray Robinson, stood in net for the Boston Bruins, pitched in a post-season exhibition game at Yankee Stadium under coach Mickey Mantle and attended preseason training as a backup quarterback for the Detroit Lions. These moments were shared in beautifully-written books or in the pages of Sports Illustrated.

Also one time he learned pro wrestling against the dad from ‘Webster’ dressed like a caveman lion. That was … uh, not written about beautifully.

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New York Knicks point guard Jeremy Lin is a Harvard grad, yet he sleeps on his brother’s couch. He’s been cut by two teams already since being signed as an undrafted free agent out of Harvard and he’ll make a prorated salary of less than $800,000 (*violin*) with the Knicks, who signed him to be a third stringer back in December. And none of that means diddly, because Lin is the most popular man to wear a Knicks jersey since Patrick Ewing.

Since getting his big shot on Feb. 4, Lin is averaging 26.8 points and the faltering, struggling, sucktastical Knicks have won 5 in a row. And they’ve done it without Carmelo Anthony and Amar’e Stoudemire, who might as well both be on a cruise to the Bermuda Triangle right now, as far as Knicks fans are concerned.

Since the beginning of the weekend, the Modell’s Sporting Goods Inc. outlet on 34th street and Broadway in Midtown Manhattan, near the Knicks’s home court, has run through multiple shipments of Lin gear, including his No. 17 jersey and T-shirts celebrating “Linsanity,” the catch phrase adopted by the team since the Asian-American Harvard University graduate led the Knicks to a season-best five straight wins in eight days.

The jersey is the NBA’s top online seller since Feb. 4, when Lin first dazzled NBA fans. Sales of Knicks merchandise are higher than any other team in the league since then, with the team accounting for five of the 10 most popular items. (Via Bloomberg)

Oh but hey, I forgot to mention – did you know that Lin is Chinese? Because that’s apparently something that people care about, too. Not that he’s busting his ass to prove he was overlooked at every level of his basketball development, but because he’s a novelty that people can make jokes about, like the one above. For instance, Jason Whitlock set the bar for fun at Lin’s expense on Friday with a Tweet about the penis size of Asian men.

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As teams from approximately 60 colleges and high schools strap broomsticks between their legs and pretend to fly to Manhattan for the 2010 Quidditch World Cup, I find myself almost shocked to tell you that the worst part of this story isn’t that hundreds of Harry Potter fans have turned this “sport” up a notch. Nope, the real mind-numbing news is that these “athletes” are petitioning for NCAA status for a game taken from a children’s book and played by hipsters and nerds. If these broom-riding Ron Weaslys have their way, Quidditch could be coming to your university in a major way soon enough. And here I thought we were trying to stop bullying.

But before we go getting too up-in-arms about this campaign, remember that it takes at least 40 universities to even get the NCAA to pay notice to a potential new sport. Still, imagine the joy on the faces of the men’s tennis team as they’re told that they can’t play anymore because Title IX requires them to forfeit their scholarships for a women’s Quidditch team. This has awesome written all over it.

Make me change my mind about this silly Quidditch nonsense, Wall Street Journal:

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Since signing a two-year deal to play for the Boston Celtics, Shaquille O’Neal has been on a rampage through New England, proving to Celtics fans that he’s still just a lovable, goofy guy, and not a guy who has burned bridges with every team that he’s previously played for. So far Shaq has shown up randomly throughout Beantown – even at a couple’s wedding – for photo opportunities and autograph signings, conveniently with the media in tow. Yesterday was no different, as Shaq Tweeted that he was heading to Harvard Square for “Statue time” after having announced two weeks ago on a local radio show that he’d be doing this. Let’s hope the pigeons were well fed Wednesday night.

Shaq sat motionless* for 40 minutes as fans stopped by and took funny pictures with the Celtics’s new big man. Local police had no advance warning, which must have made for good comedy when “suspicious, large black man causing stir in Harvard Square” came across the radio.

Video and fan reaction after the jump…

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