Hank Williams Jr. must be rolling over in his grave.

By way of Rant Sports and anyone else who watches actual sports instead of pro wrestling on Monday nights comes the latest in a string of “let’s get people Bocephus might hate to do his job” intro videos, this one spotlighting Sole Surviving Golden Girl and temporary-internet-sensation-turned-person-we’re-tired-of-seeing-in-commercials Betty White.

Betty’s entire schtick these days is that she is Very Old, and the open brings that in spades — on-field collisions are compared to old folks driving, a brief discussion on the elderly Tebowing is had and at one point she calls Matt Ryan “hot”. That’s the best one, because seriously, only someone on the ass-end of 80 would say that. Also, Drew Brees set a passing record, but defenses in 2011′s NFL are forced to play like Snickers commercial Betty White so we’re gonna cover it in asterisks and move forward remembering this clip as the most important thing to occur.

You can check out the video (and a better one) after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

YOU'RE ALL LIKE HITLER, YEAH WOOO

Last night’s 45th Annual Country Music Association Awards featured a lot of the usual suspects — Taylor Swift crying about winning an award she expected to win, a touching tribute to Texas Ranger La Boeuf and Darius Rucker turning “and the Blowfish” into a full-blown country music career — but the best parts were when sports guys showed up, because I haven’t gone lifestyle yet and can’t write about The Zac Brown Band on my sports blog.

Erin Andrews usually shows up at these things and is worth a slideshow by herself, but thankfully 2011′s sports content was bolstered by an appearance by Hank Williams Jr., hot off his summer of evoking Godwin’s Law, apologizing-for-things-but-not-really and rerecording songs to make them be about how much he hates ESPN. He appeared and made a few jokes about himself that never turned him into the bad guy, and the Reba-filled audience responded like you’d imagine.

Oh, and David Freese was there, but nobody knew who he was. I thought he was Prince Fielder for like, five minutes.

Anyway, please click through to enjoy Erin Andrews, Hank Jr.’s parody of a parody of a parody and additional Erin Andrews.

Read the rest of this entry »

On Monday, we told you how Hank Williams Jr. was dealing with being fired from ESPN due to a violation of Godwin’s Law by writing a song that throws ESPN and ‘Fox & Friends’ under the bus, and if you took “he’s going to read bumper sticker slogans over one of his old song” in your office’s Hank Williams Jr. Pool, collect your winnings; the new version of “Keep The Change” has been released on HankJr.com, and it comes pretty close to being the “The Times They Are a-Changin’” of this generation.

In addition to using the phrase “Don’t Tread On Me” with zero irony or self-awareness, the song calls out ‘Fox & Friends’ for their “gotcha journalism” (because filming somebody saying something stupid is an underhanded tactic of the liberal media) and sorta indirectly suggests that the only way to keep your family safe is to own a bunch of guns and never watch ‘SportsCenter’. “Yeah, you can keep FOX and Friends and ESPN outta your homes, too” the song announces. “‘Cuz Bocephus and all his rowdy friends and his song is outta there!” I think at one point he stops saying words and just yells “derp” into the microphone, but that might be my brain shutting down.

And about those odds I presented at the end of Monday’s story, he checks off every single one of them before the end of the first verse:

I’ll keep my freedom
I’ll keep my guns
Try to keep my money
And my religion too

ESPN’s Jonathan Coachman should record a left-wing parody of “Who Shot Ya” as a response. I’m willing to write it for him and everything. “Niggas know/the lyrical molesting is taking place/f**kin’ with ESPN/it ain’t safe”.

Here is a quick recap of Are You Ready For Some-gate:

1. ESPN pulls Hank Williams Jr.’s “Are You Ready For Some Football?” theme from their Monday Night Football broadcast following the country singer’s appearance on “Fox & Friends”, wherein he suggested President Barack Obama playing golf with House Speaker John Boehner was “like Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu.”
2. Bocephus apologizes, saying the comments were dumb.
3. ESPN decides to part ways with Williams, because “football” is the reason people watch Monday Night Football.
4. Bocephus suddenly starts backing his comments again, saying he quit to support Freedom Of Speech, or something.
5. ESPN just gets Barry Sanders to do the Monday Night Football intro, because football is the only important part of Monday Night Football.

So, knowing what you know about professional football and Hank Williams Jr., what should be number 6? If you guessed “Bocephus records a ‘Fox & Friends’ diss track about ‘gotcha journalism’ because Fox & Friends ‘got’ him comparing the black President to Hitler”, you’re correct! Give yourself a prize, which should be “never listening to this song”.

Williams wrote the topical third verse of “I’ll Keep My …” when he woke up Friday morning and he and a group of players laid it down in a Nashville studio by Friday afternoon. It could be on iTunes late Monday or early Tuesday.

In the song Williams, son of country music icon Hank Williams, says “Fox & Friends” hosts twisted his words: “So Fox ‘n Friends wanna put me down/Ask for my opinion/Twist it all around.” He finishes the verse: “Well two can play that gotcha game you’ll see.”

And the best part, in case you thought this might turn out well for him:

Early in the song, he says the U.S. is “going down the drain” and says it’s becoming “The United Socialist States of America.” He mentions keeping “Fox & Friends” and ESPN out of your home toward the end of the song.

The ellipses after “I’ll Keep My …” really set the chorus up for a knockout blow, and I can’t wait to hear it. I bet he thinks we think he’ll say “mouth shut”, but he won’t! Here are some odds on how that sentence ends:

Read the rest of this entry »

The rumors are true. Following the events of Hank Williams Jr. Obama Hitlergate, Hall Of Fame running back Barry Sanders will don the feathered cowboy hat and alcoholic-sized sunglasses to sing a raucous Country tune about how great it would’ve been if the South won the Civil War that will have its lyrics changed to be about football readiness and played for about forty seconds during a video package on Monday nights.

From the Detroit Free Press:

“Ok, I admit it,” Barry Sanders tweeted. “I will be at MNF this week and doing the intro.”

Said ESPN spokesman Josh Krulewitz, “This is the format we’ll likely use the remainder of the season. We haven’t made any decisions beyond that.”

In all seriousness, Barry won’t be singing, as we’ve seen what a musical buzzkill he can be. The idea of getting a legendary player from the area to do an intro for one of ESPN’s glossy hype videos is a great idea, and lightyears better than whatever equivalent they’d come up to Faith Hill listing off football terms. But what’s going to happen when they go somewhere like Jacksonville? Who’s gonna do the intro for the Jaguars, Steve Beuerlein?

Hopefully Bocephus watches the game from his woodland shack (or wherever), sees a black guy doing his job, and jumps on Skype to tell all his rowdy friends how Barry Sanders is exactly like Pol Pot.

On Monday morning, country music legend Hank Williams Jr. (a man who, as The Daily Show With Jon Stewart pointed out, once fell off a mountain and cracked open his skull so badly he had to hold in his own brain) evoked Godwin’s Law and used the phrase “it’d be like Hitler” to start a sentence about President Barack Obama. This prompted ESPN to pull the singer’s classic “Are You Ready For Some Football?” theme from Monday Night Football, and as of this morning the Worldwide Leader In Football Preparedness decided to pull the song forever. Forever!

“We have decided to part ways with Hank Williams, Jr. We appreciate his contributions over the past years. The success of Monday Night Football has always been about the games and that will continue.”

Hanks response to the firing was the only thing you can write on the Internet more “Internet” than “blank is like Hitler”:

“After reading hundreds of e-mails, I have made MY decision. By pulling my opening Oct 3rd, You (ESPN) stepped on the Toes of The First Amendment Freedom of Speech, so therefore Me, My Song, and All My Rowdy Friends are OUT OF HERE. It’s been a great run.” — Hank Williams Jr

He managed to hit all the best message-boards-and-comments-sections points, like

1. I am extremely popular and get hundreds of e-mails about everything.
2. I’m the only person who makes decisions.
3. I didn’t get fired, I quit
4. Anything that happens to me for saying something stupid is a violation of the First Amendment, also known as “I thought this was America”.
5. I am humble and appreciative despite all the weird mean things I’ve just said.
6. Signing his name to the end of a paragraph identified as being from him, posted on HankJr.com.

The only thing that would’ve made it better is if he’d admitted he was in the wrong a few days before. Wait, whoops!

Read the rest of this entry »