If NBA ownership was decreed based on thoroughness of beard, this guy would own the entire league. He’s Him (so let him do it).

And now, a few links about another guy with a beard. Stories unrelated.

Links

’80s Sitcom Predicted Year of Gaddafi’s Death - I’m going to pitch the idea for a Nostradamus sitcom and predict like 100 things in every episode, then enjoy a resurgence in my show’s popularity 20 years later when the sh*t happens to be true. ‘Oh no, Sheldon, George Lucas died! This is the saddest thing to happen in 2028!’ etc. [Warming Glow]

The Guy Who Found Gadhafi Was Wearing A New York Yankees Cap, Has The Dictator’s Famed Golden Gun - And now he can kill your playoff hopes in one shot. [UPROXX]

Best Twitter Reactions To The Death Of Muammar Gaddafi - I hope his name being spelled differently in each of these three links was on purpose. Here’s a fourth: Chudoffy! [Buzzfeed]

Awesome People Hanging Out With Bill Murray - Muammar doesn’t show up on this, although he probably should. Bill Murray rules, and I’d sell my soul for one of those Fantastic Mr. Fox characters. [UPROXX]

Zombie Barbie: Finally A Barbie Doll We Can Support - Our culture needs a new funny occupation, as zombie, ninja and pirate are all extremely played out. Butcher, maybe? Butchers can be funny. [Gamma Squad]

The Curious Case Of Derrick Rose - The NBA Lockout is just like Benjamin Button. Nothing’s happening, but it’s taking forever. [Smoking Section]

Game Over, This is the World’s Greatest Baby Costume - It is pretty great. I think blackface works when you make it a luchador mask. [Film Drunk]

Walt Disney’s Sin City: The Mash-Up You’ve Been Waiting For - Still not as good as Frank Miller’s Sim City, created right around the time I gave up trying to be creative on the Internet. [Gamma Squad]

The Dugout: World Series 2011 Game 1 - Speaking of not being creative, this Dugout needs your traffic and comments. Elvis Andrus! [The Dugout]

Forget Drunkorexia, Olivia Munn Is Into Drunkersize - Maybe she should get into Drunk Acting Classes so I can like her for something besides boobs and freckles. [FARK]

TV-Inspired Halloween Costumes - My TV-inspired Halloween costume this year is better than all of these, pending me being able to pull it off. After the awesome costumes of 2009 and 2010, I’ve got a lot to live up to. [AOL TV]

Five Horror Film Curses You’ll Swear Are Real - You know, I swear these five horror film curses are real. [The Smoking Jacket]

Why This Is Great

1. In a world where Tim Tebow could throw a 100 yard touchdown pass to a great white shark through some combination of video editing and Powerade®, it’s great to see people actually setting up stuffed animals and hitting them with soccer kicks. If this was doctored in any way it would be a waste of time, but as it exists now, it’s … well, still a total waste of time, but a fun one.

2. I’m going to buy a pack of glow sticks and go out raving to that Angry Birds theme remix right now.

3. The video does not involve people making basketball shots from a great distance or getting super, super serious about it on Twitter.

4. When I saw the headline “Soccer players bring Angry Birds to life” on the UPROXX main page this morning I couldn’t grasp how they were going to do it; it was either soccer players in Halloween costumes dog-piling each other and breaking two-by-fours or someone was actually throwing birds at pigs. Thankfully neither of those things happen, even if the video devolves into people kicking balls at a dude in costume and making us listen to them laugh about it.

5. It’s way better than “Soccer players bring Words With Friends to life” video, which is just Europeans playing Scrabble.

Read the rest of this entry »

I hear it makes a great chew toy!

Links

Bleacher Creatures: Collect Them All, Put On A Creepy Puppet Show - I’d buy these, but I’m afraid they’ll try to teach me parables about Christianity. Especially the Kurt Warner one. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

The Seven Most Insanely Dangerous Combat Sports Ever Invented - I love the guy in the X-Arm video being all “oh wow a former champion it’s an honor to be working with him” when the work they’re doing is arm wrestling + kicking. [Cage Potato]

These Vintage Mad Men Playboy Covers Are Pretty F-ing Fantastic - Hell’s balls, Trudy! [UPROXX]

‘Playboy Club’ Wins Race to Be First Cancellation of the Season! - Who knew a show about a sex club on network TV wouldn’t do well? Good luck to Amber Heard, who probably already has three failed shows lined up for next year. [Warming Glow]

Star Trek And Star Wars Quiet Books Are Homemade Awesome - These are neat, and legitimately the best thing made with “Star Wars” on it since like 1980. [Gamma Squad]

New York Man Takes Wicker Man Cosplay Too Far - This sounds too much like a plot from ‘The Brady Bunch’. I was hoping this would be about a guy who covered himself with sticks and set himself on fire. [Film Drunk]

Four Loko Folds Under FTC Pressure, Updates Alcohol Content Warning - The new warning reads, “Why are you drinking this? Do you hate yourself?” and possibly “#areyouseriousbro” [Smoking Section]

Chris Christie’s Presidential Announcement (With Fat Cats) - This is the future of news. The next time something like 9/11 happens, we’re gonna have to put up with the rainbow pop tart cat flying around in the background. [Buzzfeed]

Thomas Jane Pretty Much Just Said That As A Struggling Actor He’d Have Sex With Men For Sandwiches Or Something - He’s just trying to get his kids back. [FARK]

9 Television Shows from the ’60s That Haven’t Been Made into Movies… Yet - Speaking of The Brady Bunch, I’m gonna go watch that movie again. “YES, I’M IN THE MIDDLE.” [Moviefone|

The Perfect Halloween Costume for One-Legged Ladies - If you don't like this, you can always be Zach Gowen. [The Daily What]

Mindhole Blowers: 20 Facts About Bridesmaids That Might Make You Sh*t Your Pants - Oh man, these facts! My pants! [Pajiba]

A Cincinnati-area amusement park has removed one of its more amusing [to me] attractions. A display of skeletons arranged to resemble the dead bodies of Steve McNair and that one kid has was bangin’ have been removed from King’s Island, based in Mason, Ohio. Represent, yo:

Kings Island Amusement Park’s Halloween Haunt features skeletal renditions of various celebrities, including Heath Ledger surrounded by pill bottles, Farrah Fawcett in her iconic red tank top, pitchman Billy Mays, and a pajama-clad Michael Jackson.

“You’re gonna see Ted Kennedy, Ed McMahon, and there’s still other ones yet to be placed,” Kings Island spokesman Don Helbig told Cincinatti NBC affiliate WLWT. via.

McNair’s Nashville restaurant, by the way, is still closed, which is too bad, because this is probably the only time they’d drum up any business… Read the rest of this entry »

From the brave and courageous masturbators over at Busted Coverage comes this preview of the fackin’ New England Patriots cheerleaders in their Halloween costumes.

Let’s see. We got ourselves a Xena, which is very nice. Ooh! Ooh! And there’s a biker chick too! NICE. That’s real nice. But I gotta ask: what’s with the chick in the chef’s toque? C’mon, man. You got girls dressed up as sailors and whores, then you’re gonna make one of them run out onto the field as Mario Batali? Sure, the man makes a fine saltimbocca, but he’s still a big ugly orange guy, even after six bottles of Barolo.

Get that girl one of Giada de Laurentiis’ tight sweaters ASAP, Mr. Kraft!