There aren’t too many posts about male gymnasts on this blog, and I don’t get a lot of emails demanding more male gymnasts. But then, not all male gymnasts dismount as awesomely as Connor Westrick. Usually when someone does a two-and-a-half in the pike position, it’s in the sport of diving. Water tends to have a little more give than an exercise mat. It’s a little better for head-first landings.
[Busted Coverage]
No fountain metaphors, please
A former gymnastics coach at the University of Illinois is being investigated after a video camera was found hidden in the locker room. Police recently searched John Valdez’s home and computer files for criminal evidence. Sexy criminal evidence.
Valdez helped train U.S. gymnasts at the Beijing Olympics. He resigned from the Illini coaching staff last month citing personal issues, including a pending drunken driving charge in Wisconsin.
Oh, c’mon. The video camera obviously didn’t belong to Valdez. As someone who knows a little something about sexual deviancy, believe me, you don’t quit your job without first collecting all your girls gymnastics team recording equipment.
Alicia Sacramone, the American gymnast noted for her good looks, legal age, and massive Olympic chokejobs, is looking to parlay her fame into a TV career.
The 21-year-old Winchester homegal was back in town this week shooting a “video treatment” – a sort of test reel – for Bravo, A & E, Style and MTV…
The production company was “very intrigued by Alicia during the Olympics and thought she’d be great on TV,” said the silver medalist’s marketing gal, Kelly Downing of TrinityOne Worldwide. [read: she has nice boobs -- Ed.]
Sacramone has focused her reality show ideas on teen makeovers and working in fashion design. Somehow I don’t think I’m in the target demographic. She’s sexy and all, but I’d really rather she do a show where she just punches guys in the face.
Coming on the heels of Beijing’s success this summer, a noble group of sex enthusiasts have tapped Australia to host the inaugural Sex Olympia next August.
We are now seeking sexual athletes from all over the world to join the festivities. Medals are waiting to be claimed in various sexual disciplines. In the course of competition, we shall conclusively find out who are the best [sex-havers] in the world! [...]
The aim of the Sex Olympia is to contribute to the building of a peaceful and better world by liberating the world through sex, practised without discrimination of any kind and in the Olympic spirit, which requires mutual understanding with a spirit of friendship, solidarity, fair play and sexual liberty.
The list of competitive events includes Sexual Pentathlon, Marathon Shag, the Triple Hump, and Sex Gymnastics. Ooh, I’m great at Sex Gymnastics! I specialize in the Pummel Whores.
Maria Sharapova has been at New York’s Fashion Week, and she ended up sitting next to Olympic champion Nastia Liukin at the Peter Som show, whatever that is. Also pictured in the front row: actresses Kate Mara and Elizabeth Banks. Newsday (via SbB) says:
[Sharapova nd Liukin] mugged for the paparazzi before the show, chatting until the lights went down, and then Nastia watched the models strut by — giving most and up-and-down and keeping a placid smile on her face … a far more sedate reaction than that of actress Elizabeth Banks, who sat on the gymnast’s other side visibly oohing and ahhing.
Also pictured in the photo collection below: Sharapova at the Herve Leger show and Alicia Sacramone at the BCBG show. And Sacramone brought her silver medal. Yeah, way to parade that around, Alicia. Coulda been a gold if you could land on your feet, you know. Oh, what am I saying? I’m sorry. I could never stay mad at you.
I'm always uncomfortable with anyone sexualizing female gymnasts, because even a lot of the ones who are of legal age have that "little girl" feel to them. It's like checking out girls at the senior prom. Sure, a lot of 'em are 18, but — never mind. I've said too much.
So let's make sure I'm not gonna get arrested. Front and center and gold medalist in my heart: Alicia Sacramone, age 20. Second from left, Nastia Liukin, age 18. Phew. After that it gets kinda tough. Far right, Chellsie Memmel? She's 20. After that… I can't place the other two. Try not to look at them, just in case.
Well, at least no website's put up pictures of 16-year-old Shawn Johnson in a bikini, right? Oh. Oh that's that's not good. Man, I've never been so happy to have the comments turned off.
