While I don’t think I even need to remind you, the Track Cycling World Cup took place over the weekend at the Manchester Velodrome in England, as international teams competed in what was one of the first true tests for track cycling before the 2012 Summer Olympics. But the highlight of the event came during the Keirin Final – whatever that was – as four cyclists crashed on the final bend of the race. One of those cyclists, Azizulhasni Awang of Malaysia, got back up and finished the race, earning a bronze medal. While it’s already an impressive enough feat to crash and recover to still win a medal, Awang’s finish had a bit more style. He had a 9-inch wooden splinter jammed through his leg.

And if that wasn’t cool enough, Awang’s bronze medal finish earned him the overall Track Cycling World Cup title. Early word is that he plans to compete in the London Olympics after sawing off his feet and lighting himself on fire. Meanwhile, I was raking the trap after a bunker shot on Saturday and I got a 2mm splinter in my hand. I still finished the back 9 without a problem, so I totally know how Azizulhasni feels. We’re the real heroes.

Video after the jump…

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China experienced the IOC’s version of “vacated wins” earlier this week. That is to say, they were slapped on the wrist for doing something uncouth, but don’t really face any legitimate sanctions. It was the team gymnastics bronze medal that China took home from the Sydney Olympics that served as the proverbial banner coming down from the rafters. The infraction? Dong Fangxiao, a Chinese gymnast who was only 14 at those Games, did not meet the minimum age requirement of 16 years.

“I’m really just proud to know that justice prevailed,” said Dominique Dawes, a member of the U.S. squad in 2000. “My teammates are very well-deserving of the bronze medal, and I’m sure each and every one of us will be thrilled. We will cherish it.”

Dong’s results from Sydney were nullified in February by the International Gymnastics Federation. Because her scores contributed to China winning the team bronze, the FIG recommended that the IOC take the medal back. –USA Today.

I feel bad for those other Chinese women. Not because of the medal, but because they’re basically brainwashed into giving up all of their female children for adoption. Maybe after The Powers That Be go through the painstaking chore of rounding up all of those bronze medals, they could address the human rights atrocities in that country. In the meantime, I’ll keep wearing my $4 tees from Walmart and enjoy pirated music on my mp3 player. You know where to reach me.

The Chinese Olympic Gymnastics Team, L, and the Chinese Olympic Gymastics Team Simulator.

Although the two Chinese gymnasts that were suspected of being underage in the Beijing Olympics were eventually cleared, they’re now being subjected to a hearing for that same charge. Sort of. The awesomely-named Dong Fangxiao and Yang Yun sat through a hearing of the International Gymnastics Federation’s disciplinary commission over the weekend to determine their true ages.

Yang said in a June 2007 interview that aired on state broadcaster China Central Television that she was 14 in Sydney. Yang later told The Associated Press she had misspoken, but declined further comment.

Dong’s official birthdate is listed as Jan. 20, 1983, but the FIG said accreditation information for the Beijing Olympics, where Dong worked as a national technical official, listed her birthdate as Jan. 23, 1986. That would have made Dong 14 in Sydney. –Y! News.

It’ll be up to the IOC to determine whether or not China would lose Yang’s bronze medal from the uneven bars, or their team bronze medal. I don’t want to know what those crazy Chinese do to figure out women’s ages, but I bet it involves about 30 guys in a subway car. Frankly, I’m amazed that China hasn’t exterminated all of their female athletes yet. Just keep sending them over here, China. We have more childless couples in America than we know what to do with.

Here’s Colombian gymnast Jessica Gil Ortiz, whose last name literally translated means, “Head Bounce Ortiz.” And she lives up to her billing right around the 0:35 mark, followed by what has to be the most bizzare ovation for a neck injury since the end of Michael Irvin’s career. This video alone should be reason enough to hold the Olympics in Philadelphia. The figure skating alone would make for some of the greatest crazy fan videos ever. Thanks, Buck.

We always suspected that having your friends hold you in the air while executing a spread eagle was a bad idea, but now we finally have proof. And this is really what school is all about, learning things for yourself that older people have already told you. What concerns me is that I’m not convinced that they actually got this stunt wrong. I don’t see how this could have turned out any better, short of a typhoon ripping through the gym. I’m what you’d call a typhoon enthusiast.

So, this is new to me. I was impressed by all the spinning and flipping and kicking and whatnot, but I didn’t know how to classify it.  It was too cool to be gymnastic tumbling, and not nearly gay enough to be Capoeira.  Turns out it’s something called martial arts tricking.  You learn something new every day, I guess.

This clip is part of a much longer video taken from Loopkicks Camp.  There were parts that had way cooler spins and flips, but this is the section that was set to MGMT’s “Electric Feel,” and I’m powerless to resist the allure of hipster bands that have two good songs to go with their stupid hair and skinny jeans.

Anyhoo, long story short, these guys have a real future playing the action movie henchman who does a bunch of crazy kicks and flips before the good guy shoots him.