We’ve written a lot about UFC Light Heavyweight Championship contender Chael Sonnen this week. With his UFC 159 bout against champ Jon Jones right around the corner, Sonnen’s been prepping by uh, singing the champ’s praises and getting weird with SportsCenter anchors.

To continue or expert and totally legitimate fight coverage, we turn to Chael Sonnen’s mom, who is … pretty awesome, actually. By way of Middle Easy comes this clip of Mama Sonnen explaining what makes Chael such a great competitor and telling the story of the time she almost point-blank-range murdered middleweight fighter Yushin Okami with a shotgun because she thought he was a home invader.

(You know, normal stuff.)

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It’s very difficult to share a news story that starts with, “a man shot himself at the NRA 500,” and give it the proper gravity. A guy died, you know? That’s not funny.

At the same time, it’s so thematically notable that it makes sports bloggers feel like Oscar f**king Wilde, so we’ve got to talk about it. Here’s what happened at the Texas Motor Speedway on Saturday night:

Fort Worth police have said a man who was camping in the infield died of a “self-inflicted injury” after getting into an argument with other campers. The incident happened late in the Sprint Cup race.

Police spokeswoman Cpl. Tracey Knight has said alcohol may have been a factor. Knight said several people witnessed the incident, but nobody was in danger.

Track spokesman Mike Zizzo say the death occurred “in or around a pickup truck” in part of the infield near the middle of the backstretch. (via AP)

I’ve read this a few times now, and aside from the obvious stuff (“guy shoots self at gun race”), the “in or around a pickup truck” part is hanging me up. My guess is that the track spokesman didn’t want somebody assuming the guy killed himself in a stock car or whatever, but at the risk of being assumptive and stereotypical, doesn’t EVERYTHING at a NASCAR race happen in or around a pickup truck? I say this as a proud, adoptive resident of Texas. “I bought some cotton candy in or around a pickup truck,” etc.

Predictably, not everyone believes a guy could shoot himself at an event sponsored by gun enthusiasts. Some folks are saying the story has been fabricated by the Elitist Liberal Media — Piers Morgan has already lost his shit about the NRA 500 a few times, and he pretty much does his show in a t-shirt reading “Elite Liberal Media” — so let’s jump over to YouTube and see what’s reasonable.

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Last year, a raffle to support a small-town Illinois little league team raised only $10. This year, the people involved in that raffle have upped the ante by offering cookies and lemonade, and holding a yard sale. Wait, no, I’m sorry, they’re auctioning off an AR-15 assault rifle and a 30-round magazine.

This is a raffle you’ll want to win, because Atwood, Ill., is overrun by a bunch of drug-smuggling pirates, and sure, your stealth melee attacks are important for sneaking into outposts and turning off alarms, but eventually you’re gonna want to stand on a tiger cage and blow everybody away. That’s what little league baseball is all about. Little league baseball or FarCry 3, I keep getting those two confused.

“We could have went with a basic shotgun or something simple,” said league commissioner Steven McClain. “But obviously it’s not going to draw the attention, not going to draw the volume we’re hoping to make.”

…

Helping the struggling baseball program seemed like a no-brainer. The [Atwood] armory sponsors a team and knows the need for money was great.

“All that money collectively goes towards paying for shirts, hats, gloves, field maintenance, umpires.” (via Illinois Homepage)

They’ll find even more money if they search all the treasure chests in the area.

My favorite part of the story is that the woman who runs the place where they use weapons to raise money for causes is named CHARIDY BUTCHER:

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"My new seats are over there."

Sure, Lil’ Wayne is one of the most prolific rappers of all time, but his days off almost exclusively involve the following:

1. Go to an NBA game, try to sit in the front row whether he has a ticket or not
2. Wear something unusual with way too many diamonds on it, because YOLO or whatever
3. Change team allegiances on the fly based on whoever’s popular or winning
4. Do something stupid to draw negative attention to himself
5. Get asked to move/leave/be quiet
6. Go home and complain about it on Twitter
7. Have enough of his 10 million Twitter followers favorite or retweet the complaint that it becomes national news, and people have to start apologizing.

In the spirit of Wayne’s most recent day off:

You’ve got to love that over 6,000 people’s favorite tweet is the one where Lil’ Wayne left a basketball game in a huff and censored the F-word with wacky symbols.

Wayne’s Tweet didn’t include the full story, which … uh, also comes to us via Twitter:

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A threat to our national security.

Gun control debates are at an all-time high. Some people think we should regulate guns to keep bullets from flying out of them and murdering people. Others think guns are our constitutional right, the last thing standing between us and Barack Obama sending drones shaped like British soldiers to our doors to forcibly remove our freedom. Others still wish social media didn’t exist so they wouldn’t have to hear what every person they have ever met thinks should be done about guns.

Back in September, the NRA-ILA — the National Rifle Association’s “lobbying arm,” the Institute for Legislative Action — published a fact sheet alerting gun owners to persons and organizations with an anti-gun stance. Now, this isn’t the most up-to-the-minute breaking news thing I’ve ever shared, but as a person who does not have a Google alert set up for PEOPLE WHO PUBLISH LISTS OF THEIR ENEMIES ON THE INTERNET, I was surprised at some of the names.

Here, I’ll let them explain what this is.

The following organizations have lent monetary, grassroots or some other type of direct support to anti-gun organizations. In many instances, these organizations lent their name in support of specific campaigns to pass anti-gun legislation such as the March 1995 HCI “Campaign to Protect Sane Gun Laws.” Many of these organizations were listed as “Campaign Partners,” for having pledged to fight any efforts to repeal the Brady Act and the Clinton “assault weapons” ban. All have officially endorsed anti-gun positions.

Included on the list: harmless-as-humanly-possible Doug Flutie, former NBA star Rick Fox, MLB journeyman common Mike Torrez, Vinny By God Testaverde and tennis great John McEnroe. The NRA felt it was important for you to know that DOUG FLUTIE thought gun-control was a possibility, so that you could stop loving him. Or whatever. I’m not sure what the actual purpose of the list is. It has BOYZ II MEN on it. Did somebody weigh the importance of their guns against how much they liked ‘On Bended Knee’?

You can check out the entire list here.

When I first heard about this story, I was mad. The two things that make me maddest are (1) people who are dicks to animals, and (2) finally getting to write a FLORIDA OR OHIO story and finding out it happened in neither.

I can only feel so badly about this one, however, because it is the comedy gift that keeps on givin’. Meet Gary Wayne Ericcson, the 46-year old North Carolina man who mourned the death of his beloved pet snake by shooting it, then went to jail for animal cruelty because he couldn’t reasonably explain why he’d want to shoot up a dead snake. His rationale is almost poetically southern:

But Ericcson says the snake, which he said was named Anonymous, had died before the shooting.

“I couldn’t bury him or the other animals would get him,” Ericcson told NBC Charlotte, the Observer’s news partner. “I had to shoot it to get the gas out of him, then I was going to burn him.”

Ericcson said the snake was his pet for about 17 years. “I’ve had that snake since he was so small he could just wrap around your wrist,” he said. “Me and my wife can’t have kids, so the animals are our kids.” (via Charlotte Observer)

If a man naming his child-pet “Anonymous” (to keep it off the grid, I guess?) and debating whether to shoot it with love or burn it with love to keep other animals from “getting him” doesn’t make you laugh, perhaps this aside from the end of the report will. Ericcson was so mad that after he shot the snake, he turned the gun ON HIS NASCAR MEMORABILIA CABINET. Because America!

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