I’ve never fought professionally, so this video has taught me a valuable lesson — if a guy has his body wrapped around my arm and is trying to break it, I shouldn’t stand up and shake my arm around to make him stop.

By way of Cage Potato comes this clip from ‘The Ultimate Fighter: Brazil’ of Rony “Jason” Mariano Bezerra giving Team Wanderlei its first win, a first-round submission victory over Anistavio “Gasparzinho” Medeiros de Figueiredo. When they’re done ultimately fighting they should have a contest to see who can have the most names.

Anyway, sh*t gets real at the 1:40 mark, and a few moments and horrible noises later, Gasparzinho walks away with a spaghetti arm. Now Jason gets to square off with Hugo “Wolverine” Viana in the featherweight semis, and if I know anything about Wolverine I know it’s gonna take a lot more than that to break his arm. Advice: dismember him and bury the parts on different continents.

Two additional notes:

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This video’s YouTube description fills you in on the details:

must watch arm breaks

Uh, okay, maybe it doesn’t, but you must watch this guy’s arm break has he gets trapped in a kimura, tries to fight his way out of it and ends up with one of Stretch Armstrong’s bendy arms.

The best parts (besides the bone snapping and the horrible “Bo Jackson hitting a home run” noise it makes) has to be the reaction of the fighters. The guy doing the snapping reacts like a normal person might — by stopping, asking if the guy he just debilitated is okay and making OH GOD I BROKE HIS ARM I THINK faces at the referee. The guy with the jelly limb just kinda kneels there in acceptance, overcome by some combination of shock and adrenaline. I guess I’m not expecting him to scream NOOOO and roll around holding his arm or anything, but damn.

Whatever he’s thinking at this moment, I hope it includes the phrase, “Please God, don’t ever let my elbow make comic book action noises again”.

[h/t to Jessica/Lobster Mobster by way of MiddleEasy]

Jharal Yow Yeh: the Brisbane Broncos player who gets injured in this video, and the noise you make when you land wrong and snap your ankle so badly that a sock is the only thing keeping us from seeing your leg guts.

The injury took place in a round 4 National Rugby League match between the Broncos and the South Sydney Rabbitohs*. I can’t provide a lot of in-depth analysis, because every time I try to do that with rugby I end up horribly wrong (examples: “That’s not rugby, that’s Australian Rules Football!” or “That’s not rugby, that’s curling!”), but I can say with confidence that the only thing grosser than an ankle shard protruding through your skin is how rugby enthusiasts on YouTube respond to jokes about it:

Yeah, the theater joke the guy made is way worse than what you said.

[h/t The Last Angry Fan]

*That’s how people in anime say “rabbit”.**
**It’s also the original name for Trix cereal.

Cagequest’s inaugural event took place last weekend in Lakewood, Washington, and if “make me vomit like seven times watching a guy’s leg snap at the bone and go all wonky” was their objective, they can consider the quest a success.

What you’re watching (or hopefully not watching) is fighter Justin Lee Fowler lifting opponent Bryan Jones Jr. up in a fireman’s carry and walking him to the middle of the ring. In a better world, he just kinda sets him down and they go out for milkshakes. In this one, Fowler slams Jones down leg-first and suddenly Ronda Rousey’s arm gymnastics don’t look so bad.

If you ask me, Fowler missed a great opportunity to stand over Jones’ body and pump his fists with the crowd chanting his name:

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Before today, my only knowledge of the Shrine Circus is that they put out buy-one-get-one-free coupons at every local grocery store, charge you five dollars to park, reveal at the gate that each individual ticket is forty dollars and you can’t get a refund on parking.

Thankfully, this video of cyclist Josh Headford crashing 30 feet to the ground at The Dow Event Center during a jump on Sunday has given me a new talking point: how funny it is when a circus ringmaster has to say “this is serious, get help” but can’t stop talking in his ringmaster voice. Some-bod-ay SCREEEEEAM!

According to Bob’s Blitz, Hedford broke his shoulder blade, femur, wrist and elbow. His son is already in the process of becoming the new Robin.

What you’re looking at is the horrible, swollen, surgically-repaired hand of UFC bantamweight champ Dominick Cruz. He broke it beating Demetrious Johnson on October 1, and with a history of hand injuries he decided to rest and repair it, and take a bunch of pictures to post on Twitter. Because hey, if your hand gets all gross like that what’re you supposed to do, keep it to yourself?

I couldn’t quite put my Vienna sausage-sized monster finger on what the injury reminded me of, but as I was resizing the image, it hit me. It looks exactly like the poster for Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence.

I’ve included said poster after the jump and encourage you to compare the images for yourself, keeping in mind that the Human Centipede poster is a little unsafe for work, but not any more so than dude’s blood bubbling hand vagina.

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