I took a couple weeks off from doing these here ROFLMNBAO posts for two reasons: 1) because the last two weeks of the season were soooooo boring and B) I forgot. But I figured what better time than now to resume posting these NBA meme pictures since the news that they’re so in demand. Form a line to the left, attractive girls who want to give me money to create ridiculously corny-sounding sites!

Also, I figured it was a better time than any for this week’s installment with the playoffs in full swing and individual awards being presented by the league. As we already know, Tyson Chandler is the Defensive Player of the Year, Jason Kidd received the Sportsmanship Award and Gregg Popovich is the Coach of the Year. “What about the other awards?” you ask while peeling apart the pages of my vintage Hustler collection. The NBA is taking its sweet ass time with those, so I’m issuing my own awards.

A lot happened in this condensed season, so it’s only fair that we recognize everyone for their efforts.

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Patrick Willis obviously listens to Kenny F*cking Powers.

Kenny Powers isn’t perfect. I know, I spit out my Mountain Dew and bourbon when I wrote that, too. But it’s true. He’s a man who has made mistakes after tasting legend status, and he’s paid the greatest price for his arrogance in taking his God-given talent for granted. America, though, is about second chances and stories of redemption. That’s why when some people see Kenny as a man who hates foreigners, the truth is that he just loves American and feels “that America is the best country and the other countries aren’t as good.” Patriotism, indeed.

As Kenny continues his baseball renaissance and his climb back to the top, where he will wear the Scream mask all he wants, he has been given the unbelievable honor of becoming the first ever Mother F*cking CEO of K-Swiss. And his appointment is already changing the lives of thousands of professional athletes and millions of aspiring athletes. For once, thanks to Kenny Powers, his incredible motivational speaking ability and his opus, K-Swiss Blades – you’re f*cking in.

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It’s not a good decade to be a Portland Trail Blazer apparently. First, former All-Star Brandon Roy, who was expected to simply be the team’s amnesty clause pick before he signed on elsewhere, announced that he was retiring because of his degenerative knee issues, and that sucks because he could have been great. Meanwhile, LaMarcus Aldridge will miss a few weeks after being diagnosed with Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome, which sounds cool-scary-bad at dancing. And then there’s poor, old Greg Oden.

Possibly feeling that he owed something to the team that drafted him, Oden signed a 1-year, $8.9 million deal with the Blazers, and everyone involved hoped that this would be the year that he at least cushioned the blow of that whole drafted-before-Kevin-Durant thing. Well, we’re going to have to wait a few months to find out, because he has suffered yet another setback in his own knee surgeries, hence the crutches in his recent team photo above.

And that photo has me wondering, is this the saddest thing you’ve ever seen or what? I’ve seen boxes of puppies left on the side of a road look happier than this. Poor guy, maybe he’ll finally be 100% when the Miami Heat sign him for a dollar next season.

I probably have a few million first world complaints that I keep to myself for the sake of not being struck by lightning, but if I had to throw one out there, I’d say that Kate Upton doesn’t Tweet enough fun pictures of her and her friends. And no, it’s not because I like to sit in a dark room and photoshop myself into those pictures, despite what any court documentation might say. But when Kate does Tweet pics of her random adventures, it proves one of my oldest theories – life must be good for a gorgeous 19-year old supermodel.

Kate, a huge New York sports fan, recently toured the newest additions to Madison Square Garden and I’m sure it was the greatest thrill of her life. Must have been a million times better than those lame ass trips to Caribbean islands and sitting front row at anything on this planet that has a front row. But she Tweeted the pic of her and her friend Lizzy Glynn having fun so who am I to complain?

Oh, and if you weren’t aware, Kate was also photographed for Diddy’s new coffee table book about the female posterior, fittingly titled, “Culo.” I happen to have her contribution after the jump, as well as this week’s Wild Card Wednesday. Join me, won’t you?

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For once, dog not Photoshopped.

The Portland Trail Blazers have offered always-injured center and former No. 1 draft pick Greg Oden a qualifying deal of $8.8 million to make him a restricted free agent, despite the NBA lockout beginning tomorrow. In three seasons, Oden has played in a whopping 82 games, as the 7-footer has suffered a broken kneecap and undergone two microfracture surgeries on his knees. But by extending the offer, Portland is telling the rest of the league, “These are our wishes! Our knees! And we’re taking them back.”

“We’ve stood behind Greg Oden every day since he became a Trail Blazer and that continues with today’s announcement,” Trail Blazers President Larry Miller said in a statement. “Despite the setbacks he’s experienced, he continues to be resilient in working tirelessly on his rehabilitation. We’re all very encouraged with not only his progress, but with his commitment and determination to return to the basketball court.” (Los Angeles Times)

Translated: Look, between Sam Bowie and now Oden, Portland is desperate to escape the spotlight of worst high draft picks of all-time. Maybe Miller thinks that Oden can still be a solid NBA center and that’s why he’s investing at least $9 million* in him. But even if he’s wrong, I’d like to look at the positive – thank God Portland made the offer. Can you imagine a healthy Oden (especially sitting out another season with a lockout in a worst case scenario) signing with the Miami Heat? Or with the Boston Celtics? Or the New York Knicks?

Either way, it’s nice to see a guy who is never healthy get a good contract offer. It’s not indicative at all of what is happening in less than 24 hours.

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Sit down, hold on to your hat, and kiss your loved ones goodbye, because I’m about to blow your mother-fluffing mind – Greg Oden is out for the season. The Portland Trail Blazers center, who hasn’t played for the team that drafted him No. 1 overall in 2007 since December 5 of last season, will have surgery on his left knee, which is the same knee that kept him out of last season. But don’t worry, it’s not the same injury, so maybe he’ll heal everything over the next 11 months and come back an unstoppable force next season. Haha, just kidding, I’ve been drinking Four Loko since midnight.

Oden injured his left patella during last season and required surgery to fix that, and prior to that he missed time because of surgery to his right knee. Before that he missed time with a severed spine, and in high school he missed six games with acute decapitation. While playing in middle school, Oden missed two weeks with mesothelioma, and in AAU he was declared legally dead for two playoff games over the span of 72 hours. Also, Greg missed two months as a fetus due to turf toe.

How’s this No. 1 draft pick working out for the Blazers again, KGMI News?

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