Deal with it.

The 2011 Presidents Cup came and went without much fanfare, mainly because the U.S. rules while the rest of the world drools. To be fair, that’s the rest of the world without Europe, because the motherland’s best golfers save their efforts for the Ryder Cup, at which the U.S. does the bulk of the sucking. But this weekend’s win improved the American team’s record at the Presidents Cup to 7-1-1, and the hubbub surrounding this year’s W is all about Tiger Woods.

First off, U.S. captain Fred Couples received a lot criticism for choosing Woods over PGA champion Keegan Bradley. Couples, though, reminded everyone that Woods will always be the best golfer in the world to him, so he was banking on that guy showing up. And though Woods accounted for just 2 of America’s 19 points, he did give the best performance of the event in his singles match on Sunday, so of course Couples is doing a little air humping.

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Golf’s Greg Norman has a deserved reputation for never being able to win the big one. Norman implied in a recent stateside interview that one of the reasons for his choke-tastic legacy was the “mental processes” imposed upon him by his now ex-wife, Laura, saying, “[Current wife Chris Evert, pictured] would have instilled a different thought process and I would have said the answer would probably be ‘yes’.” Blaming the wife is great when dishes aren’t done or you don’t feel like hitting the bars on a weekday, but for golf? Not so much. An Aussie paper, aptly named “The Australian,” took Norman to task for the barb, in a way that only people that speak with such awesome accents could:

Laura’s thought processes must have been pretty good during his 88 international tournament victories and his two British Open wins but, apparently, she just got ornery at the Masters, the US Open and the US PGA.

Like the 1986 PGA when Bob Tway holed out from a bunker on the 18th. Bloody Laura. Or the US Open the same year when Norman shot a final-round 75 after leading. The bitch. Then a year later Larry Mize holes out from hell on the 11th, second hole of a play-off for the Masters. Quit playing with his mind, woman. Or in the 1989 British Open playoff when he whacked the ball dead into a fairway bunker. Damn you Laura. via.

It’s worth noting that Norman has been tremendously successful outside the ropes, in wine-making and golf course design, among other ventures. Granted, all of those vocations combined are probably less stressful than holding onto the lead at Augusta. Or any of that other stuff. And oh yeah, he’s sleeps with Chris Evert now. So who’s choking now? Wait, that totally came out wrong…via.

Greg Norman's divorce proceedings have turned nasty:

Greg’s lawyer, Martin Haynes, said his client has a “special equity” in the marriage because of his fame, and therefore deserves a bigger slice of the couple’s $500 million fortune. “What sets this marital estate aside from many . . is the work ethic of the husband,” the filing states.

I assume Solicitor Haynes meant to say that the husband almost always brings home the bacon, but was trying to be politically correct.  I kid, ladies.  Take my situation for instance, you can't really call what I do 'work' because I would be perusing tasteful pictures of starlets and models on the internet every waking moment anyway.  Plus how ethical can a guy be who doesn't wear pants?

“His drive, and his ceaseless effort to compete, survive the embarrassment of defeat, and to enjoy the taste of victory . . He was recognized as the Great White Shark prior to marriage. The wife did not teach the husband how to swing a golf club. The wife did not teach the husband how to win."

Even his lawyer recognizes that Norman is remembered more for his final round collapses than his two British Open victories.  Yes, Greg survived the embarrassment of defeat, and you can't say his wife taught him how to win.  The Great White Shark was very fortunate that Americans were fascinated by all things Australian in the mid-80s, such as Crocodile Dundee, that Energizer battery guy, and the boomerang or as the Shanty Irish call it, 'the Clap'.  Apparently he's dating Chis Evert now to force me to recall a decade I'd like to forget and acknowledge two sports for which I don't care.  I think I'll watch Jaws today. -KD